[ScientiaOmnisEst]

So. I just looked at porn for the first time, focusing on a minor kink I've had for years.

Based on my reactions and what I saw: I'm apparently more visually aroused by females despite ultimately, mentally preferring males. And now finding males kind of disgusting sexually. The thought of actually having sex is still (perhaps even more so now) repulsive to me, but the idea of romantic or sensual attention (kissing, cuddling) from a man is still appealing, and I can't imagine doing any of that with another woman. I tried finding more "suitable" pictures, more in line with what I wanted to find in the first place, and that second attempt actually did get me aroused...now I'm just confused. What do I like? If anything? Can I make it go away?

I'm already sexually delayed - I mean, I'm 22, and I'm just having something that resembles a sexual awakening, just looked at explicitly sexual things for the first time and was repulsed. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this other than some mild distress. I don't know what to think or feel. I am glad I'm no longer as disturbed by sexual imagery as I was a few years ago, but...I guess I feel strange about this whole thing.

I've thought before that I wish I could be asexual; those thoughts are coming back. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this conflict between desire and disgust.

[PsychohcysP]

Hello Scientia. I had similar problem recently. I'd always thought that I was bi but for some time males seemed to be unattractive to me at all. I thought I was lesbian. I couldn't figure out it for a long time and I finally posted at another forum.. And what surprised me is that many people don't even agree with the term "orientation" and claim it doesn't exist. I learnt the orientation is fluid and everything may change. Sometimes you like a man, sometimes you are attracted to a woman. There is nothing wrong.
Now I completely agree with that since it helped me to accept myself. I don't identify myself with any orientation. I find girls attractive, I had one encounter with them, but I do love my man and I would never change him for any girl. No need to mention men. You will just meet that person. And if you love him or her, does it really matter what sex is that person?
And I think if you were asexual you wouldn't get aroused, but I'm not the expert. It's just what I think about myself, I have also had such doubts.

[Shoe]

Originally Posted by PsychohcysP

Hello Scientia. I had similar problem recently. I'd always thought that I was bi but for some time males seemed to be unattractive to me at all. I thought I was lesbian. I couldn't figure out it for a long time and I finally posted at another forum.. And what surprised me is that many people don't even agree with the term "orientation" and claim it doesn't exist. I learnt the orientation is fluid and everything may change. Sometimes you like a man, sometimes you are attracted to a woman. There is nothing wrong.
Now I completely agree with that since it helped me to accept myself. I don't identify myself with any orientation. I find girls attractive, I had one encounter with them, but I do love my man and I would never change him for any girl. No need to mention men. You will just meet that person. And if you love him or her, does it really matter what sex is that person?
And I think if you were asexual you wouldn't get aroused, but I'm not the expert. It's just what I think about myself, I have also had such doubts.

I think you have a great perspective there PsychohcysP.

[woundedsoul]

I'm not a lesbian, although I've been with women before. And I do find women very beautiful. There's nothing wrong with finding beauty in the human body, whether it is a female or male, because they are both beautiful works of art. I love looking at beautiful women, usually because I'm wishing that I looked like them! But I enjoy watching gay men's porn for some reason. I don't know why I find 2 really great looking men together so hot. But there's a certain look that I like. Funny huh? See, we all have our oddities. Of course, I keep this to myself. I don't feel like this is something I could share with my spouse. I really don't feel comfortable sharing many of my thoughts with my spouse even though we've been married for 17 years. Sad huh? I feel like we're on 2 different planets, and he would never understand or even want to understand who I am.