[Shawn447]

My story: Last year, I was an 18 year old who was also a virgin. I was never in a relationship before and girls didn't seem to even know that I existed. I'm also very socially awkward. I had a very high sex drive though and I wanted to have sex really badly. It was really bad, sometimes I would literally get angry because of how bad I wanted it and my inability to attract girls. I would also see a lot of sexual things on TV and the internet which made things worse. I would watch porn a lot but it wasn't enough, I wanted to experience the real thing. Anyway, I never wanted to see prostitutes prior to seeing the first one. I thought of it as a last option I could use if I ever got to be over 25 and still been a virgin. One day though, it hit me that all I would have to do is find a prostitute and it could all be over with. I could just go on the internet, find one, pay her some money, have sex with her, and I could finally experience sex. Needless to say, I started browsing backpage and I found one. She was my age, 18. I texted her and set up the appointment and we did it. Overall, it wasn't a terrible experience but it wasn't great either. I was sort of disappointed afterward. However, I finally wasn't a virgin anymore but the urges to have sex still persisted and my situation with girls still wasn't changing at all. I've seen nine other prostitutes since then and I'm now 19. It started to become like an addiction to me. I liked the feeling of browing backpage, finding an escort that I liked, traveling out to her house, paying her, and receiving sex in exchange for the money. I've made a vow to myself now that I'm done with it and I never want to do it again. After my latest session, I felt so bad about myself. If other people or my family knew what I was doing, they'd never see me the same or think of me as pathetic. I feel like if I get a girlfriend in the future, I can't tell her about the prostitutes but if I don't, I feel like I'll be being dishonest to her. I honestly wish I never started seeing prostitutes. It didn't help my self-esteem at all and I sort of wish I still had my "innocence". I wish I would have waited for someone that I cared about and someone that cared for me as well.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Shawn447: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

With regard to your post, no, you should not feel ashamed! For one thing there's no point to feeling shame. All it does is make you feel terrible (as I suspect you probably already know.) You're simply a young man. And young men, as a rule, have massive sex drives! Like everything else, I'm sure there are exceptions. But in general I think it's safe to say this is the case. Sometimes these sex drives can lead us astray.

On the other hand, there are certainly plenty of reasons not to do what you've been doing. For one it's probably illegal. It can also become addictive, as you know. There are sexually transmitted diseases to be concerned about. And some, if not all, of the young women you had sex with may be the victims of sexual trafficking. They're not doing it simply to make a quick buck. They're doing it because there is someone in the background... a pimp... who has them under his control. So your decision to stop soliciting prostitutes is a very good one! What's past is past. You can't change it. But you can make better choices from now on. It's like a saying I once heard: "No matter how far you've travelled down the wrong road... turn back!"

Now as far as how your family & friends would feel if they knew, & what you would or would not tell a future girlfriend, these concerns all relate back to that initial question regarding should you be ashamed. Now clearly, there's no reason for you to tell your family & friends of course. And I personally don't believe there's any reason to ever tell a future girlfriend unless you decide you want to & feel comfortable doing so. Perhaps others will disagree. But my personal opinion is that a romantic relationship should be based on what goes on between the two people involved as their relationship develops, not things that occurred before they knew each other. On the other hand, I do know how keeping these sorts of things to oneself can eat at a person. So, if you find that you simply can't let this go, seek out a counselor or therapist with whom you can establish a relationship & process how you feel about your experiences.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Shawn447]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello Shawn447: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

With regard to your post, no, you should not feel ashamed! For one thing there's no point to feeling shame. All it does is make you feel terrible (as I suspect you probably already know.) You're simply a young man. And young men, as a rule, have massive sex drives! Like everything else, I'm sure there are exceptions. But in general I think it's safe to say this is the case. Sometimes these sex drives can lead us astray.

On the other hand, there are certainly plenty of reasons not to do what you've been doing. For one it's probably illegal. It can also become addictive, as you know. There are sexually transmitted diseases to be concerned about. And some, if not all, of the young women you had sex with may be the victims of sexual trafficking. They're not doing it simply to make a quick buck. They're doing it because there is someone in the background... a pimp... who has them under his control. So your decision to stop soliciting prostitutes is a very good one! What's past is past. You can't change it. But you can make better choices from now on. It's like a saying I once heard: "No matter how far you've travelled down the wrong road... turn back!"

Now as far as how your family & friends would feel if they knew, & what you would or would not tell a future girlfriend, these concerns all relate back to that initial question regarding should you be ashamed. Now clearly, there's no reason for you to tell your family & friends of course. And I personally don't believe there's any reason to ever tell a future girlfriend unless you decide you want to & feel comfortable doing so. Perhaps others will disagree. But my personal opinion is that a romantic relationship should be based on what goes on between the two people involved as their relationship develops, not things that occurred before they knew each other. On the other hand, I do know how keeping these sorts of things to oneself can eat at a person. So, if you find that you simply can't let this go, seek out a counselor or therapist with whom you can establish a relationship & process how you feel about your experiences.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Thank you for the introduction to the site! I don't know if it makes it any better, but when I did search for them I tried my best to make sure that they weren't victims of trafficking and were doing it independently.

[Travelinglady]

Welcome to Psych Central, Shawn! I think we all have done things we should feel ashamed about. However, forgive yourself and if you believe in God, ask Him to forgive you.

Then, as the Skeezyks says, move on and don't go to prostitutes again. Find other ways to meet your sexual needs (masturbation, for one). And find a woman who you care about and see if she's into sex. But don't be a boor about it, though. (For example, "Hi, I'm Shawn. Want to have sex?" Too fast and a turn-off!)

And, yes, a therapist would be good for support.

[Shawn447]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Welcome to Psych Central, Shawn! I think we all have done things we should feel ashamed about. However, forgive yourself and if you believe in God, ask Him to forgive you.

Then, as the Skeezyks says, move on and don't go to prostitutes again. Find other ways to meet your sexual needs (masturbation, for one). And find a woman who you care about and see if she's into sex. But don't be a boor about it, though. (For example, "Hi, I'm Shawn. Want to have sex?" Too fast and a turn-off!)

And, yes, a therapist would be good for support.

I think I may go to a therapist one day. I have many unresolved issues that probably led to me making the decisions that I did. I don't plan on seeing them ever again, the thought of doing it again disgusts me now. I've been masturbating 2-3 times a day on a daily basis since I was about 11 or 12. It met my sexual needs but it wasn't enough. I definitely wouldn't approach a woman like that, haha.

[amandalouise]

I am glad you have decided to give up on seeking prostitutes...for one thing here in america there is no way to know whether a prostitute is being trafficked or not.many sex trafficking programs are now making sure that their prostitutes make the appointments and not tell that they have someone they have to answer too. many who are being trafficked are through people they know (relatives, boyfriends, girlfriends) because of how the trafficking stings are now in the USA prostitutes are being taught that if you get caught you are on your own, dont lead anyone back to me kind of indoctrination. thats how sex trafficking rings are able to keep going even though a few get busted. if like here in my location you could have had sex with someone who is trafficked goods without even knowing about it. it isnt like google is going to have a statement saying this prostitute is trafficked goods and if the prostitute is taught with punishments do not tell they are not going to tell if someone asks them out right do you have a pimp, have you been trafficked.

also another reason why I am glad you are giving up on the prostitute side of things is because people in the sex business dont always have the time for good hygiene and health care. many end up going from one job to another carrying along with them their last encounters germs, fluids, STD's. if asked directly they may say sure Im clean sure I have had my shots and last physical was this morning but in reality they are in the business for the money so they will say and do whats needed to please their john (person who is hiring them for sex) for that money.

many prostitutes (not all but many) are also drug users. with drug use sometimes comes swapping paraphernalia so again that leaves the john open to things like aids and other diseases that can come from the life style of a prostitute.

my suggestion is that now that you have decided no more prostitutes it may be time to make an appointment with a medical doctor and get all the tests done for anything that can come from spending time with a prostitute.

[t0rtureds0ul]

During one particularly drunken pub session, I found out that most of my male friends had slept with more than one prostitute. To be honest, I was utterly shocked and dissapointed when I first found out. But now I think I see it in context - its the oldest profession for a reason. Supply and demand - all of that. Like the others have said - avoid trafficked girls. Seek independants. And enjoy! I think its sensible to try and avoid obsessing, and to concentrate on finding a RL GF, but if once in a while you just need to get it on, and the girl you use is willing and independant - why not?!

[Shawn447]

Originally Posted by t0rtureds0ul

During one particularly drunken pub session, I found out that most of my male friends had slept with more than one prostitute. To be honest, I was utterly shocked and dissapointed when I first found out. But now I think I see it in context - its the oldest profession for a reason. Supply and demand - all of that. Like the others have said - avoid trafficked girls. Seek independants. And enjoy! I think its sensible to try and avoid obsessing, and to concentrate on finding a RL GF, but if once in a while you just need to get it on, and the girl you use is willing and independant - why not?!

I definitely don't want to do it again. If I keep giving into it, 10 times will turn into 20 and 20 will turn into 30. I don't want to become addicted. Also, even though I've been safe and clean, there still is a high risk to seeing prostitutes. I also want to find a girl that actually wants me instead of girls that I have to pay to have sex with me.

That's great to hear....I'm glad that you can see it for what it is....an addiction. Besides....where does all that money come from??- don't want to know, just saying.

Besides, being with these women can ruin you for a meaningful relationship. They have made women a sex object in your eyes, have they not? Meaningful women are looking for more then sex....a companion. Prostitutes also have distracted you from developing meaningful relationships with other girls.

Like all addictions....need to walk away, do treatment if you feel you need it....don't be ashamed (not like you can control it)- but be proud that you walked away....and have a fresh start and do day 1 again.

May I suggest a 12 step program? Good luck in your endeavors sweety.

[Shawn447]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

That's great to hear....I'm glad that you can see it for what it is....an addiction. Besides....where does all that money come from??- don't want to know, just saying.

Besides, being with these women can ruin you for a meaningful relationship. They have made women a sex object in your eyes, have they not? Meaningful women are looking for more then sex....a companion. Prostitutes also have distracted you from developing meaningful relationships with other girls.

Like all addictions....need to walk away, do treatment if you feel you need it....don't be ashamed (not like you can control it)- but be proud that you walked away....and have a fresh start and do day 1 again.

May I suggest a 12 step program? Good luck in your endeavors sweety.

Thank you! I don't really see women as sex objects, but when I was picking out prostitutes to see, I'd usually try to get the most attractive one I could find. It's been 3 days since I've last seen one and I have no desire to do it again. I will do my best to suppress every urge.