[vampykisses]

I'm 23 years old with a 42 year old fiance. We've been together for three years and things were going great. When he upgraded phones i got his old one to use as my own and discovered his obsession with transsexuals. Upon approaching him he denied it. Then just a few weeks ago he spent the night in the hospital. I took his phone while he was sleeping and searched through it only to find the same thing again. I feel very depressed and self conscious about it. The sex was great at first and happened all the time but now im lucky if its twice a month. Im the first overweight woman he has been with and his kid uses all the opportunities that she can ro remind me of that. I feel like life is spiraling out of control and in all honesty feel useless and like i dont belong. I dont have any family that I'm close to anymore and i dont have many friends. Please help in someway.
- A lost SOUL

[Shoe]

Originally Posted by vampykisses

I'm 23 years old with a 42 year old fiance. We've been together for three years and things were going great. When he upgraded phones i got his old one to use as my own and discovered his obsession with transsexuals. Upon approaching him he denied it. Then just a few weeks ago he spent the night in the hospital. I took his phone while he was sleeping and searched through it only to find the same thing again. I feel very depressed and self conscious about it. The sex was great at first and happened all the time but now im lucky if its twice a month. Im the first overweight woman he has been with and his kid uses all the opportunities that she can ro remind me of that. I feel like life is spiraling out of control and in all honesty feel useless and like i dont belong. I dont have any family that I'm close to anymore and i dont have many friends. Please help in someway.
- A lost SOUL

They only person's behavior you can control is your own. You are only 23 years old so if things are starting to go south in this relationship remember that you have a lot of tomorrows ahead of you and a lot of forks in the road to take.

[ilikecats]

I don't think it's you, but I do think you need to talk to him about this and tell him how you're feeling.

[Virneto]

I Would say, vampykisses, that (at 23) you have a big road ahead... Many choices to make... many opportunities to find happiness..
How do you feel about this behavior of your fiance?
Can you talk about it openly?
People, everybody has fetishes...

Also, let me say you shouldn't talk as if you're "stuk" to your fiance, cause you'll end up believing you are when you're not.. You can always change your life...

[vampykisses]

Thank you everyone for the kind comments. I guess im judt confused with all of this. Ive always had self worth and self esteem issues. I talked it over with him last night and put everything out on the table. I understand everyone has fetishes but i cant seem to wrap my head around the fact of is it just curiousity or is he attracted to men? I just wanted opinions other than the ones in my head.

[Skeezyks]

Hello vampykisses: I'm sorry you are in this most difficult situation. I do think this development is something you & your fiancé need to talk through, if he is willing, either just the two of you or with the help of a marriage & family counselor. Of course, therein lies the problem. From what you wrote, it sounds as though your fiancé may not be willing to talk about it. If not, then you are simply going to have to decide whether or not this is a situation you can live with. As others who have replied to your post have said, you have many years ahead of you. And you are the only person you can control.

In answer to your title question, no I don't think this has anything to do with you. Your fiancé has something going on of which you are only now becoming aware. In general, this is not all that unusual I don't believe. You don't mention, in your post, if your fiancé's interest is in trans men (ftm) or trans women (mtf), or both. I'm going to assume his predilection is for trans women (mtf). Assuming that is the case, there are a couple of different possibilities here. Your fiancé could be interested in trans women sexually. Or he could, himself, be hiding a transgender secret. Either way, of course, if he won't talk about it, then there's no way to resolve the problem, if in fact it can be resolved. You mentioned you have no family you're close to & not many friends. So perhaps there's really no one , in real life, you feel you can talk about this with. If that is the case, you may want to consider seeking some individual counseling / therapy services for yourself so that you have someone with whom you can talk all of this through. Simply allowing it to keep ruminating through your thoughts is, in my opinion, only likely to make the whole situation seem all that much more confusing. We here on PC can be supportive. And I hope you do continue posting. But what we can provide is not a substitute for real life help.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Patagonia]

If you're not legally married your have a perfectly good out. You do not need to get a divorce & all that stuff.
Yeah you're going to have to have a conversation with him. Sex is a major issue (one of many) in a marriage. So my advice is iron out the sheets before you lay in your bed.

[Submax]

Ok,so for sure he has a fetish for men that dress as women,but you don't know for sure if he has ever acted on it or just masturbates to it. He most likely has had the fetish for years if he's 42. He probably loves you but he also loves his fetish. It's most likely a huge part of his sexuality,thinks about it often. You should talk to him about it although he may not tell you the truth. I know about fetishes (not his fetish though) and I know about not being honest about it and getting married. Better to get it out in the open and make a clear decision.

[PumpkinPieHead]

I agree with the other posters, please don't tell yourself you are stuck.

His kid should not be bullying you, also.