Had a bad drunken experience

Hello everyone, I know this post may be a little long but hopefully it sheds some light on what happened, and maybe someone can help me deal with this event.

This past weekend I ended up getting extremely drunk/blackout drunk and having a gay experience with a close friend of mines. The bits and pieces I have are very disturbing to me, and I dont know how to address it with him. I am not gay, and do not identify as such. However I have no problem with the LGBT community as my close friend himself is gay. However I feel as though I may have been taken advantage of, but then not so much.

It was Saturday night, and I was out on the town with another friend drinking and partying to excess. I started drinking around 10pm and didn't stop because I have a tendency to binge drink. In the midst of being out and drinking I ended up losing my house keys and needed a place to crash for the night until I could get a replacement in the morning, and the closest person to me was my close friend who was more than happy to let me crash there. I specified that I just needed a place to stay for the night, and I didnt intimate anything more than that in my texts. He agreed and I got dropped off there. I remember him telling me that he was drunk too and had been out the same night and had just gotten home. We laughed at how drunk we were and that was that. I asked for a blanket and crashed on the floor.

I vaguely remember everything that happened but I remember being awaken to him over top of my giving me a blow job, and I was just so drunk that I laid my head back down. I remember telling him to stop and trying to push him off me but he was reluctant, I wasnt aroused and couldnt even perform. I don't know how but he ends up taking out condoms and lube and asks me to perform **** sex to him and I remember the condom being on and him trying to insert me with his hands. However I just wasn't aroused and forced him off of me.

After that I ended up passing out again, and woke up confused and in my underwear and felt really ashamed and guilty and just had to leave. We haven't talked since then because I don't know what to say, i feel awkward talking about it and I feel bad for even putting myself in that predicament.

I know just the act itself doesn't make me gay, but just the thought that I was even involved in M/M activity is messing with my psyche. What should I do?

Hello livelife: Well... I think the short answer here is... stop getting drunk. I'm an older person now. But I remember how it was when I was young & would go out & get smashed. These are the kinds of predicaments that can occur when one is schnockered.

As far as how to talk to your friend about it, I don't think I really would have much of anything to suggest. From my perspective, there is probably no way to do that delicately. The best thing to do, if you can, may be to simply chalk this up to experience & let it go. It may just be one of those situations where the more you try to "work through it", so to speak, the more complicated it's going to get.

It's likely, I would imagine, your friend is probably as uncomfortable with this whole occurrence as you are. And he may just try to deny that the whole thing even happened or at least that he has any recollection of it in which case you may well both just end up feeling even more embarrassed or perhaps end up in a big argument. Perhaps other members, here on PC, will have other suggestions.

Anyway... I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

I would agree, and I would just leave it behind and forget it other than being more cautious to never again end up in that kind of situation. Many years ago a drinking buddy and I swapped some drinks with a couple of men we happened to meet at a biker bar, then one of them asked whether we might want to come to his place for a while. We went and we all had a good time telling jokes, playing the piano a bit and acting silly...and then one of them sat his pet bird on my shoulder and said "My bird likes you." That was my very first clue of anyone having anything sexual on his mind, and that was the last time I ever accepted a drink from a stranger.

Hanging around a barber shop too long might result in an unplanned haircut, but it sounds to me like you only ended up with yours being tousled a bit.

Yes this is what I was thinking too, just leave it alone and try to move past it. But I already deal with anxiety and depression so I tend to linger and dwell on things.

You are also right though, and for this reason I dont drink because I dont make good decisions at all. I had quit previously but started back about 2 months ago. This right here is a reminder why alcohol isnt good for me. I feel bad about what happened and I'm not trying to be too awkward towards my friend because I dont know what he's thinking either, and I dont want this to end our friendship of 13 years.

Maybe one day we will be able to laugh about it, or maybe we wont speak of it again. But I will work through this event with my therapist maybe that will help me also by discussing it, and moving on.

Thanks for the kind words.