Help! Never had erection in company of a woman

I see, Xanax stops you from worrying too much.

Have you taken anything else that has the same 'no worrying' effect?

No, therapist was not in same room. I would see her in her office, usually following a surrogate session (for my convenience ). I would see the surrogate at a seperate location. In the beginning; if the therapist was in the same room I doubt I would even be able to get and maintain an erection.

But if the opportunity were to present itself now my "little buddy" would probably explode from the pressure of being with both ladies.

I have not been with an "escort" since my Navy days. I have considered seeing one to see how I have improved. I still have the problem of shyness meeting women. But I have found it hard to not try something with my female friends, but I don't want to risk their friendship.

There are some escorts that have gone through the official surrogate partner therapy offered through IPSA. But just because one can have sex does not qualify them as a trained and certified surrogate. I would imagine the training was too difficult or more involved than they imagined it would be. My surrogate partner is very well educated, and I think she would be a great psychotherapist if she wished. My surrogateartner needed about six sessions before I was even able to touch her breasts. I was beginning to question if I was really being given treatment or wasting my money. But then things begin to fall into place.

And with escorts there is the whole legal issue. Prostitution is illegal. Surrogate Partner Therapy, while not codified legal, has been accepted in a few states as medical treatment provided a licensed therapist is supervising.

Thanks for feedback on this. I see that the surrogate sessions have to take some time before you engage physically in a sexual way.

I think in the UK it could cost £720 for one 3 hour session.

I’ve posted previously so if it shows up someday, fine. If not, maybe this short post will make it through.

I have friends and acquaintances that work as escorts. I’m not sure if you’re near a larger city or sequestered in a lonely county outpost in the UK. If you’re near a city you may want to find escorts nearby. I don’t recommend an escort service - look for self-employeed/self-assured women who detail (within legal reason) what they offer and at what price (generally non-negotionable).

£720 should buy more time with an escort. I’ve spent time with a woman recommended by acquaintances - paying them for sex would have been too weird! - back when my libido made a comeback and erections became troubling. My biggest fear was that I would not be able to have and give pleasure because of my major handicap. Cindy. She didn’t flinch when seeing me but rather made a remark akin to ‘we have some work to do!’

She was great. At 37, she was older than many girls, but she was very much one of my four ‘types’ (short, blonde, slender, fit, no surgical enhancements, small breasts - Jeepers!) and she put me at ease straightaway. Comfortable. She made me feel comfortable.

I know nothing of sex surrogacy. Sounds a bit fishy to me.

What is £720 in U.S. dollars? $1,000? Sounds expensive. When I started seeing mine she was an intern and thus charged $90/hr. She is now a certified surrogate partner and her fee has increased substantially.

And I don't know how some meds affect one's erection. My psychiatrist has selected meds that have minimal negative effects on erections.

And ED meds (cialis, viagra) are not foolproof. I could take cialis and have a rock-hard erection, but when we were intimate together if my brain decided to pay attention and think about what was happening I would lose my erection and may not be able to convince my little buddy to stand at attention.

He you tried a bit of alcohol (not too much) just to relax you. Or marijuana? i love get stoned before sex.

I'd advise against substance usage, like drinking alcohol or smoking marijuana, before sex. It actually increases impotence in males.

I think alcohol was a factor in helping my "problems" to germinate. Because of the alcohol my erections were unreliable, and could never orgasm. Because of this performance anxiety reared its ugly head. Then after years of not found anything my brain convinced me I just couldn't have.

Now, after working with the surrogate I can orgasm at times, but more importantly I became confident that I could please my partner at least digitally or orally. Considering my difficulty at touching the surrogate at first, I am so pleased to now give my partner orgasms each time. I am like a diffidrrent person now. These skills have moved into my personal life.

As for marijuana, I have tried CBD but it hasan't haf much effect yet. But I was at a low CBD dose. I plan to get a higher CBD concentrate next time with a small amount of THC. I want to find the strengths to get loose and relaxed, but not too high. Too much THC would likely send me into an high anxiety state.

At least in Calfornia I can legally experiment. But with the price of cialis and marijuana I may not be able to afford the intimate pleasures.

It sounds like a surrogate may be more beneficial. I considered having sex with an escort, but decided it wouldn't help if it was a mental issue(s). Plus, the fact I have a physical disability complicates matters. The surrogate is trained in many aspects regarding sex. You would be surprised that the majority of surrogates have Master's Degrees in "normal" life. My surrogate is almost like another therapist. They will spend much of the first sessions just getting you comfortable with touching, emotions, and communications. And the therapist and surrogate will come up with an agenda for the sessions. The agenda will depend on what they believe is necessary. And not always will it involve intercourse. Some surrogates will not do intercourse or oral sex in their sessions. I was lucky (??) that both ladies determined I needed all the benefits of the surrogate's skills. If you go the surrogate route make sure the surrogate is certified by (IPSA in U.S., ICASA elsewhere). You will also need a therapist that will work with a surrogate. Also, but I am not certain, in the UK I think the surrogate and therapist can be the same person.

Hi guys, thank you for all your help and sorry for my absence.

Since my last post I have tried CBD Oil but I don't think it really did anything. Perhaps if I ate marijuana leaf salad this might help? - perhaps due to CBD and THC in combination.

I am looking for Yohimbe bark extract. It is available from US websites, but can't be bought in the UK.

I was thinking that if I used this and was then able to have sex "successfully" with a regular escort, that this could help me have a clearer idea as to whether or not I needed to pay £720 for the surrogacy session. If the Yohimbe & Escort worked, then I might feel better prior to my first surrogate session, and get more out of it, and therefore end up needing less sessions.

Update:
Haven't tried Yohimbe yet. It is not available in the UK, perhaps due to drug laws.

I have tried Maca root. No effect.

I have ordered AlphaViril, a natural testosterone booster. Will see if it works.

I don't know about Philippines, but Thailand is known for its easy access to sex workers. While not legal, there are an abundance of sex workers ready to accommodate most sexual urges. Some of what is accommodated is simply unconscionable and repugnant . I know this because I used to work overseas and many, many, men would go to Thailand on their vacations just for the sex. Some did go to the Philippines, but I don't think the Philippines is as rampant as Thailand. A lot of the men who would go to the Philippines would return having married a younger Philippina.

Sorry for my absence.

I tried AlphaViril.

One tablet = no change

Two tablets = had a weird effect on my nervous system, like I had too much coffee, except I'd have strange moments where I'd lose concentration and feel really spaced out, which made me feel very reluctant to take any more. No affect on libido. Had to send them back and ask for a refund.

Try Spedra.

UPDATE 2020 - 2 years on

Regarding my original post, I have now been trying option 1 "Surrogate".

I can report that it works. After several sessions, the title of this thread is no longer relevant to me.

Thanks again to all who chipped in here