Confused *tw*

Ok so I have been very confused about sexuality and sexual things since I was 7. I know at 7 I started having sexual relations with a boy age 7 also. I began acting out on my dolls. I liked a girl who was a classmate but she didnt like me because she knew I played sexual games. Fast forward to age 11. I humped my much younger sister. This was my first sexual impulse. I realized at 11 I liked younger girls and older women. When I have impulses to touch people its not just these two types of people. Its everybody even the dog. The sexual thoughts and impulses may be worse with them but not limited to them. When the sexual thought and impulse starts I have this anxiety that rises that I will reach out and touch people inappropriately. The dog, an old lady a kid etc. If I watch shows about sexual abuse like special victims unit and no one around that i am afraid I will touch I have an impulse to touch myself or press my privates to the chair. It is just an anxious impulse I struggle not to act on and havent since I was little. None of this is about sexual gratification. What the hell is wrong with me? I am therapy but have only seen her 7 times. So we are early in. Thanks in advance .

were you sexually abused

I dont remember any sexual abuse I just remember having oral with a 7 year old boy when i was 7. Then a little girl exposed herself to me. Then my cousin age 10 and me aged 11 played a humping game. All i know is when i was i lost my ****. Started putting dolls mouths to my privates. Wanting go impulsively sexually touch people which bad me anxious. Then at 11 I humped my sister and at 13 pressed my dogs mouth to my privates(i was clothed). Its just i get these impulses and they make me anxious and the times i have mentioned above when i acted i felt more anxious.

Can somebody help me please.

what specifically do you need help with in regards to all that? I suggest psychotherapy honestly

Im in therapy. I just want some thoughts on maybe how i got this way.

what you are describing can be symptoms of childhood sexual abuse

as far as why you have them I don't know. sounds like they are intrusive

They are intrusive but what bothers me is that there is an attraction there. Im very scared and upset by this.

are you attracted to children? dogs?

does your therapist know about this?

Yes she knows. No im not attracted to dogs. Kids yes but I dont have fantasies about them. Just fear I will teach out and touch them sexually. Same with dogs or cats old people. people my age etc but rarely men. I am female by the way.

But i have an attraction to woman as well.

Dnester, these are serious issues that you should deal with directly in therapy. The time to do this is NOW. You will start to feel so much better the sooner you get this all out to your therapist. There is no need to feel embarrassed about any of this. We are exposed to so much crap when we're young that so greatly influences us in ways we cannot imagine. It's not your fault. But you need to get working on these issues today.

Please take a lot of comfort in the fact that you have not yet acted out on these impulses yet. That is HUGE. You have these thoughts and whatever, yes. But you also have self control. Don't discount that at all. You now can use that as a source of strength going forward.

And I honestly think we would all feel so much better about ourselves if we really knew all of the other crazy sexual thoughts everyone else has. We just don't talk about this stuff with each other so we think our own desires are so strange. That's really not the case. I feel the more strange we think we are, to a certain degree of course, the more normal we might actually be if that makes any sense. I feel like the vast majority of us just cannot fathom how similar we actually are to each other.

Thank you. I am already in therapy but she doesnt help me much because she said she doesnt know how I got like this. She wants to focus on childhood trauma. I want to focus on fixing the thoughts. She said emdr wont help with the thoughts so idk whats shes thinking.

Maybe get a second opinion from another therapist.