How should I help my 15 years old daughter?

SadMom1967 · Jun 10, 2018, 04:05 PM

I came home earlier yesterday only to hear my daughter screaming, moaning loadly and saying naughty words. I then went to her bedroom and saw her having sex with a man who seemed to be about 20 years old. I was horrified. In fact, I still am horrified. She wasn't even able to stop, get dressed and talk to me. She just shouted to close the door and let her c#m. (Yes, she actually said that).
I managed to talk to her about that man today and learned that she had invited him to her place as she couldn't wait to have sex with him any longer. He is not even her boyfriend, just an acquaintance of her friend. I also learned that she hasn't been a virgin since 2015 and has had sex with many guys and girls. Terrifying, I know!
Now I don't know what to do! I'm shocked. Is there any way I can stop her from having sex? I hate thinking that my daughter is becoming a dirty girl. I love her want her to change! Should I talk to her about seeing a counselor (considering the fact that she says sex is her favourite thing in the world)?
She already knows about birth control and STDs (luckily).
Need some advice, please...

Bill3 · Jun 13, 2018, 06:32 AM

I agree that seeing a counselor would be a really good idea.

Jun 13, 2018, 06:56 AM

I think taking her to a licensed mental health professional is a good first step. Teenagers often do sex and all, not very unusual, but still.

It is not likely that she has a brain malfunction (mental illness) as opposed just to a mental disorder. She may or may not have either, but from what I gather being in excited state (all the body hormones and all) it's quite normal for her to act in that way.

I suggest you to not worry, but through the way she acted, it seems that you were too soft on her as a child. If I were in her place, I would have jumped the hell out of the window after getting dressed, and never came back home due to the fear of what'd have been happened to me. You were too soft on her when she was a child. Can you talk to your husband about it comfortably?

Jun 13, 2018, 07:00 AM

I see this is your first post here on PsychCentral and I feel quite bad for you. Please, do not be heartbroken. It's not your fault, you let her grew up the way she wanted. I am not a mental health professional or a doctor so I am not allowed to give you a "second opinion" but I think you should take her to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist will analyze her, assess her and then talk to you and give an advice.

It may take weeks for you to actually get to see him, but if you do not want to wait/your daughter refuses visit your nearest hospital.

Skeezyks · 03:58 PM

Hello SadMom: Welcome to PsychCentral!

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you have had this distressing experience.

I know others, here on PC, have suggested you take your daughter to see a mental health professional... a counselor or therapist. Of course, if she's willing to go, that's a good idea. But, based on what you wrote, it doesn't sound to me as though this is likely.

And counseling, or therapy, is only going to be effective to the extent your daughter is willing to go & to participate.

Please excuse me for saying so, but I do think it is going to be important for you, in this situation, to try to let go of your indignation. Being horrified, shocked, & not wanting your daughter to turn into a "dirty girl" really is not helpful & is only likely to cause additional friction between the two of you.

From my perspective, at least, the more objective you can remain... the better.

I personally don't believe this situation is something you should blame yourself for. I obviously don't know what the history of your relationship with your daughter has been. But one thing I do know, based on my own experience growing up, is that there's only so much a parent can do to keep their child on the right path.

The fact is your daughter is doing the things she's doing, & apparently has been doing so for some time now. (I don't know what the laws are in your country with regard to this sort of thing. Where I live, having sex with a 15 year old girl is a criminal offense. So the young man she was with could be prosecuted here.) But as for your daughter, yes she is only 15. Her brain has yet to become fully developed. And she's making some very unfortunate choices.

But the reality of the situation is, while she's still basically a child, she's old enough there's only so much control you can exert over her. This is the dilemma every parent of a teenager faces.

So my personal opinion, for what it's worth, would be for you to try as best you can to talk with her calmly & objectively with regard to your concerns. (Setting boundaries is also something that you may see recommended. But boundaries are only as good as your ability to enforce them.) Certainly arrange for some counseling or therapy if your daughter is willing. And help her to ensure she remains as safe as possible from unwanted pregnancy & STD's. I know you want her to change. But you can't make her change. You can only help her to change to the best of your ability.

unicornz · Jun 20, 2018, 03:21 PM

Wow, that is a tough situation but she sounds like an amazing girl. If you haven't talked things out by now maybe some counseling would be good.

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How should I help my 15 years old daughter?

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