[Dokkaebi]

Let me start by saying that i am a 18 years old hetero male and i am suffering from these thoughts since 2 years . It all started with me
faceplanting to my moms breast get a split second turn on . I felt disgusted by myself , wanted to die , thought that i don't deserve
to live or even go to heaven . I thought i belong to hell . I always tried to check if i get turned on by thinking sexual thing about my mom and
i felt disgusted by myself more and more . But i've left it behind when my doctor said that it's normal to get turned on because i faceplanted to
a womens breast and my body reacted to it . Then after suffering these i started thinking that i am a pedophile . It all started with me getting
sexual thoughts by a child anime character whos name is kanna kamui . She has very thick tihghs and wears thigh high socks . Let me say that
have a kink about thigh high socks . It all happened again . Disgusting myself , thinking i belong to hell , and not wanting to live .
I always checked her pictures to see if i get turned on or not . Which i didn't . My doctor said that i am not a pedophile aswell
and suffering from POCD . So with that i always said YOU'RE NOT A PEDOPHILE to myself . I didn't get any intrusive thoughts about having a sex
with children so that helped me aswell . And yesterday i've gone to my doctor saying that i am not taking medications anymore and i was feeling
great . He did some tests on me and i've passed all of them . I was happy , better than before . But that day i said okay i am gonna look at
the pictures of that child anime girl and think having sex with my mom to see if i get turned on or not if i don't then i'll be happy forever .
You know what happened ? Split second turn on both of them . Now i want to die again . I don't want to accept that i am a pedophile nor incest .
Now i check pictures of that girl and think sexual things about my mom to see if i get turned on but i don't . But why did i felt that split
second turn on ? Was it because i was scared that i'll get it ? I am not seeing myself having sex with my mom even if it's possible .
I am not seeing myself having sex with children even if it was ok and legal . I don't fantasize about children nor my mom . I don't get turned on
by looking at a children . I can say that they look good , their legs look good . But not in a sexually aroused way . I just ask myself that if
their legs look good or do they look good and say yes or no . I don't fantasize about their face or get romantically aroused by their face .
Am ı a pedohile and incest or is it POCD please help me ...

[Skeezyks]

I just finished replying to your first post. And as I wrote in that reply I'm not a mental health professional. So, at least in my opinion, it would be inappropriate for me to advise you with regard to what you are experiencing. What you really need to be doing is to be talking all of this through with a psychologist or mental health therapist.

Just in general though my personal, non-professional opinion would be that this has nothing to do with pedophilia or incest. It is likely all symptoms of OCD or some other mental health concern. I would add though that one of the things I believe you need to stop doing, if you can, is to stop this "checking" behavior you're repeatedly subjecting yourself to. That in-&-of itself may well be a symptom of OCD. But under any circumstances it's really just adding fuel to the fire, so to speak.

There is a form of OCD that is referred to as "Pure O". Family therapist, Kati Morton, has a video on her YouTube channel on the subject of Pure O. Perhaps listening to what Kati has to say on the subject might be of some help. Here's a link to Kati's video:

I wish you well...

[*Laurie*]

I entirely agree ^^^^^.

[YMIHere]

If you can't see yourself actually DOING these things, I wouldn't fret too much about the being turned on thing. Our minds like to fantasize. Doing your mom is actually not an uncommon one. Mom and son type stuff is big on porn sites.

I still like watching lesbian porn sometimes. I get real turned on by it, however, it is much better on the screen. I've slept with women a couple of times and I've never been as turned on with a chick as I am with a guy. In real life, I don't look at women and think, "MAN! I would LOVE to get her into bed" but I WILL have those thoughts about hot random guys in the street or on the movie screen.

Also, I'm pretty kinky. Gotten kinkier over the years and wanting to explore some new things that I wouldn't have 20 years ago, but some of them are FAR out there. I mean, probably not so far out there if you're into kink but far out there for me. Bondage, flogging, rough sex, humiliation, etc. yet in real life, if someone called me a slut they'd probably get a black eye. On the screen? Totally hot and something I want to try. I figure one of these days I'll get to indulge these fantasies and they won't live up to the hype I've created in my head.

Although I have the ability to actually indulge in these fantasies, I don't think you need to experience sex with your mom or kids in order to realize that it's something you won't like. You're already revolted by the intrusive thoughts and the "turn on" has been fleeting. Not to mention it's after being face deep in boobs and a CARTOON. That's hardly predatory or deviant behavior even if it does seem a little "off the beam" as my friend would say.

Don't sweat it. Stop beating yourself up over it and STOP TESTING IT OUT. That is what is stressing you above all else. I hope you find some peace soon.

[catwalk69]

I agree with you

[Skeezyks]

I don't know if you're still with us, here on PC, but just today I came across these 3 articles, in PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of pedophilia OCD. I thought they might be of interest:

Pedophilia OCD: The Conundrum to Let Go of the Fight

Am I a Monster? Common Features of Pedophilia OCD

Pedophilia OCD: When OCD Targets the Children in Your Life