Aversion to semen tw

So I am curious about some issues I had when I was married and some issues I know will arise once I am sexually active again. When I first starting having sex I was really cautious about semen. I would immediately have to clean up my theory was that if it leaked out my underwear onto something I would recontaminate mys3lf or someone else. Its the same with my body fluids as well. I hate semen though. Find it absolutely disgusting. When I was married I couldnt even be touched down there then somewhere else because I would feel contaminated all over my body. It makes sex difficult and not worth it. Anyway is this normal?

Yeah, I think it could create some problems during sex. Have you talked to a doctor about this?

I have talked to my therapist about it.

What did he say to you?

She said that it was likely from SA I dont remember but I do have Ocd so idk

I'd by lying if I said it was. Semen is no different than any other bodily fluid, and should be treated as such...as with most bodily fluids, semen is a healthy and natural bodily fluid and is only "unhealthy" if you are sick, have an STD, or have an infection.

I was the same way with germs and it took over my life for many years. Taking out the trash was overwhelming. I had to give away a pet snake because I had to thoroughly "decontaminate" if I touched it. The only way I got over it was to physically touch the objects I assumed were germy and force myself to go as long as I could without washing my hands, and eventually I'd touch my face and put germy hands in my mouth just to say I could. After about 2-3 years, I was "back to normal".

I would say in your case, you'll have to do the same. I'd purposefully ejaculate into your hand so you could hold it, feel it, study it, play with it in your hand...for acceptance. I think in the beginning stages, just keeping it in your hand as long as you can is a good start, but I think eventually you should ejaculate and eat your semen...It's not the most pleasant taste, but most sexually active women swallow, and as a man, you're doing this to get over a fear, and to get over fear is empowerment.

EDIT: It sounds like the most bizarre way to get over your fear, but if you want to get over it, you have to physically face it.

I am female.

Hi Dnester,

My impression is that you feel the entire sexual experience as dirty or shameful in some way. Your body fluids, and especially the other person's body fluids, are very symbolic to you of this dirtiness or shamefulness. And given what we know about the spread of STDs, bodily fluids are what most often spread infections or viruses, but in your case it symbolizes the spread of the dirtiness and shame you are feeling towards sex and maybe towards your own sexuality.

My advice is to focus on understanding your feelings towards sex in general, and realize that your body fluid phobia may be distracting you from being aware of a bigger issue here.

Like what?

We need to hear from you now. What about semen makes you feel dirty? When did this obsession start? Do you not use condoms during sex?

Well when I had sex with my first fiance he wore condoms. I was 17 and didnt want to get pregnant. I felt the need to shower afterwards of course but semen wasnt an issue because it was in the condom of course. Then with my husband. I have only had 2 sex partners. I wasnt to worried about semen until my daughter started to get about 6 or 7. I started freaking out that traces of my body fluids or his would get on the sheets and she would touch it somehow. She liked to snuggle in my bed with me. I started putting sheets down. Limiting where my husband touched me and cleaning all the semen out of me so it wouldnt leak out later and comtaminate me, my daughter or anyone else. I am like that with all bodily fluids though. Like if I was with a woman and not a man i would still have that issue. Semen is the grosset though
The look, the taste, the texture. I was well aware that none of us had any diseases but it didnt make it feel any different. I still felt containmented and I really didnt want my daughter contaminated by her parents bodily fluids. Ecspecially her fathers semen. Sometimes I used to get this feeling out of the blue that my privates were dirty and go wash my privates. Sometimes i used rubbing alcohol.

The bigger issue being that "maybe" you are feeling sex or your sexuality to be dirty or shameful.

Let me ask you a few questions, to see if we can get closer to the core issue.

1) What are your feelings about sex, without focusing on semen? Describe how you feel about sex without mentioning semen.

2) If body fluids or semen were not involved in sex, then how would you feel about sex?

3) Do you like feeling sexually desired? Or, does this bother you in some way?

4) Do you ever feel aroused by the idea of having sex? Or, do you feel something else?

1) I see sex as animalistic although I havent always felt like that. 2) i would still see it as animalistic but contamination wouldnt be an issue 3) I like to feel attractive but not a sex object 4) I think I miss the intimacy but not sex itself. The idea of people getting off using my body is sick.

First of all, I relate to what you are saying about sex seeming animalistic. I've always felt that way too, at least in the way it is portrayed in movies and in porn, and in the way many people go about sex. People going at it like starved animals does not seem intimate to me. And the fact that many people are willing to use anyone to get off when they are in that mood, seems like a very ugly thing to me. So, I can relate to how you feel.

Anyway, from your answers to my questions, I think that you "currently" feel repulsed by sex - at least in the way it is done between most people. The semen anxiety is what most clearly expresses your distress over sex. That is my impression anyway.

Just to let you know, there are other people who feel this way too. I think that getting involved with someone who appreciates you for you and not as a sex object, is very important for you. Being with someone who appreciates who you are and wants to engage in a more gentle form of intimacy, may be what you need. And it is possible that a relationship like that might naturally evolve into something that becomes somewhat more sexual later on, but in a way that feels loving and good to you.

I just want to know why I feel this way.

Here are a few more questions to consider:

1) Do you remember this fear or repulsion beginning at a certain time in your life, or after a particular experience, sexual or otherwise?

2) Did you grow up in a strict environment where you were told that sex was dirty or bad?

3) Did you maybe witness something that caused this repulsion?

4) Was there any abuse in your past?

5) Is there anything else, outside of sex, that you feel repulsion towards or that you think is disgusting or contaminated?

I'm just trying to connect the dots here.

1) started when my daughter was 6 or 7
2) I didnt grow up in a house that was strict about sex but I did explore with peers sexually and my mom freaked out after I didnt handle it well and starting doing obscene things and she took me to an orphanage and said get better or get out. I was aware that my father was sexual with my mother in a violent way because I saw bruises or her inner thigh. One day when I was 10 o r 11 my dad told me my mom didnt want to have sex with him anymore and i was like ookay.
3) not thst i remember
4) not thst i remember except a little snippet of a flashback of my father forcefully kissing me but thats all i remember
5) pee and poop but not to the degree of semen.

Well, I'm not a psychologist, but your phobia may have something to do with how your parents reacted to your emerging sexuality. Your mother pretty much threatened abandonment over it, you were aware of your father's sexual violence towards your mother, and your father vented his sexual frustrations to you at a young age. Sounds like a recipe for some negative feelings about sex.

Could it be that the obscene things you mentioned only "seemed" obscene because your mother made you feel so badly about it?

Your phobia beginning when your daughter was about 7, might have been some kind of protective reaction towards her, since she was getting closer to the age when she would be exposed to peer pressure regarding sex. It is difficult to know how relevant your daughter is in all this, but she very well could have been some kind of trigger. Old, painful feelings will sometimes hide for years, until some kind of catalyst brings it to the surface.

Anyway, this is all guess work here. You could find a good therapist (of the psychoanalysis variety) to talk with about this in more depth, so maybe you will get to the heart of what is making you feel this way. Or, you are welcome to continue talking with me about this if you want. I would just keep asking more questions, so we can maybe narrow it down further.

Well I started having sexual thoughts about mother figure types when I was 8 years old and other children. My mom didnt know about that but I drew privates on dolls, simulated oral with animals and dolls, humped my much younger sister. Mainly what she was pissed about was my anxiety around sexual topics and the fact I cussed her out and flicked her off and said some dirty things like I want to touch that womans breast in a mean tone and thst I wanted to give my father oral. I also said I wanted to die. Therapy didnt help so then I was taken to the orphanage. I promised I would be better but I never got better in my mind just acted better. I didnt want to be in an orphange of course.

That is awful that she put you in an orphanage.

In my opinion, I think that something abusive happened to you before or close to 8 years old, and this could be repressed out of memory. And, your mother's rejection - putting you in the orphanage - possibly fixated you to this obsessional phase and the later phobias.

Contamination is the current theme. So, I'm wondering who contaminated you to begin with. I'm using contamination in the sense that you were abused by someone. Your phobia sounds like a desperate urge to get rid of something that contaminated or abused you long ago, even though you've lost awareness of what this is.

Well I wasnt left there I just acted different so I wouldnt have to go in. That was the deal get better or in the orphanage I go. I just kept everything in. This next question is kinda graphic. I used to feel absolutely disgusted when my husband came in my mouth. I mean isnt that just what most woman feel anyway? The feel of it flooding my mouth was so gross.

I honestly don't know if there's really a reason behind it. I'm bisexual but currently married to a woman. When I dated (I dated quiet a bit back in college - both male and female partners) I just didn't like sex with men as much because semen just grosses me out. There's something about the feel, smell, and just look of it. I had a strict nothing in my mouth rule so I didn't taste it, but I imagine I'd be just as grossed out, if not worse. Nothing bad sexual or otherwise has happened to me growing up. I pretty much grew up a boring middle class life. I just honestly am grossed out by it period. Maybe there's no reason behind your dislike for it other than it just grosses you out.

Just my two cents...

I can understand being disgusted by the oral sex with your husband - the end result specifically. You are right that many people find this disgusting and won't engage in it. Although, there are people who love it too, and people who just tolerate it, with a take it or leave it attitude. However, I don't think this is what triggered your repulsion/phobia and other obsessions. I think your issue goes way back to your childhood. This is where most of our issues begin, sometimes overlapping later traumas as well.

Why do you think that rather than I am just grossed out like others?

Because you are worried about contamination as well. Being grossed out does not always lead to worrying about contamination, unless you have a reason to worry that something is contaminated. Also, as you mentioned, you have some other obsessions going on here too, so I don't think it is just about feeling grossed out.

Feeling disgusted or repulsed may be more the end result of worrying that the body fluid is infected or contaminated with something, but what? A virus, infection, bacteria, something sinful or shameful, or something else?