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New Member
Member Since Nov 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 4
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Nov 11, 2019 at 04:34 PM
#1
Long story going to try and shorten it up the best I can. Trigger warnings of sexual assault and rape.
As a young teen I was honestly scared of sexual interactions. Like kissing and all that was fine but anything more I felt dirty. The first few guys I did anything sexual with (not full on sex) felt forced to me but I never said no. My first time having sex was consensual and fine.
Possible trigger:
I had 2 or 3 relationships during the times of sexual assault where I felt safe and okay with the partner to do sexual things After the rape though now in relationships I feel tense and overwhelmed with physical intimacy. At first I figured maybe I just wasn't into the partner or what and tried to dismiss it but it kept happening. Even when I felt okay to have sexual interactions I would feel really bad guilt after. Now I'm in a relationship with this caring understanding girl. She knows about the history of sexual abuse. But this feeling of being overwhelmed when we cuddle or kiss is persisting. I have low sexual drive or real need for much intimacy. I can usually handle cuddling but the kissing makes me so anxious I get sick to my stomach. She and I have talked and she assures that sex doesn't have to happen and I understand that but I just don't know what to tell her or how to explain it. I don't know if I'm asexual or what. I have an attraction to her physically and emotionally. She is a type who needs attention and reassurance in our relationship and I feel like I'm failing her. Advice? Thoughts? Anyone else feel like this? Last edited by atisketatasket; Nov 11, 2019 at 06:56 PM.. Reason: Added triggers |
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Nov 12, 2019 at 04:07 PM
#2
I'm sorry I can't offer a lot with regard to this. But I noticed no one had yet replied to your post. So I thought I would.
 Here are links to 2 articles, from PC's archives, that discuss what is involved in healing from sexual assault:Healing from Sexual Assault Building Empowerment After Sexual Assault You mentioned the possibility that you might be asexual. So here's a link to a resource that may be of interest to you: The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org Best wishes... 
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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