Is masturbation bad for you?

AliceKate · Aug 28, 2022, 03:09 AM

I don't feel shame or guilt or something when I masturbate, but I do fantasize about men using me, abusing me and I wonder if that is an unhealth habbit.

Thoughts?

Marie123 · Aug 28, 2022, 06:57 AM

There is nothing wrong with masturbation, but wanting to be abused.......that is a problem....concerning.,

downandlonely · Aug 28, 2022, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliceKate

I don't feel shame or guilt or something when I masturbate, but I do fantasize about men using me, abusing me and I wonder if that is an unhealth habbit.

Thoughts?

I have similar fantasies.

Possible trigger:

Rape fantasies are quite common for women. A lot of us have them.

AliceKate · Aug 28, 2022, 08:00 AM

Quote:

There is nothing wrong with masturbation, but wanting to be abused.......that is a problem....concerning.

Yeah, I think so too, but I am somehow very unclear on the reasoning behind it. Do you mind spelling it out for me?

AliceKate · Aug 28, 2022, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by downandlonely

I have similar fantasies.

Yeah, I heard that many people have that. I don't get why though. How is it helpful?

moodyblue83 · Aug 29, 2022, 05:37 AM

My answer to the question is no. I don’t believe masturbation is bad for
you. If you can’t get the real thing what else are you supposed to do with all that
built up tension ? Now of course it’s just like anything else. No problem
if done in moderation. But if your going at it 5 times a day I would say you
have an addiction problem. And as far as fantasies go , as long as they just
remain fantasies I don’t see a problem.

Marie123 · Aug 29, 2022, 07:27 AM

It is possible that you were abused in the past and trying to recreate or "fix" what happened

Aug 29, 2022, 08:58 AM

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, its not hurting others

MaverickLovesYou · Aug 29, 2022, 05:06 PM

Masturbation can cause anxiety in some people, especially too much masturbation

downandlonely · Aug 29, 2022, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliceKate

Yeah, I heard that many people have that. I don't get why though. How is it helpful?

Possible trigger:

I am not sure the reason for it, but I believe that most women do have rape fantasies, even if there is no abuse.

AliceKate · Aug 29, 2022, 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marie123

It is possible that you were abused in the past and trying to recreate or "fix" what happened

Short answer? I don't know / I'm not sure.
There's a hint of possible sexual abuse by 2 other kids in my family, but it's a very incomplete memory and it's basically impossible to say without the full memory. My T neither is sure if I have severe childhood trauma or not, as some of my reactions may or may not be linked to trauma. It's clear I was emotionally neglected, but that is as far as clarity goes.

AliceKate · Aug 29, 2022, 10:31 PM

Thanks for the many answers! It's interesting that noone has a clue as to why many women fantasize like that. I really don't understand it.
The frequency of masturbation is thankfully not an issue for me. Espacially since starting to take anti-depressants, it has decreased. It was usually about once a week before and is approximately once a month now.

Tart Cherry Jam · 04:36 PM

I am a woman and I have never had a masturbation fantasy of being abused

Possible trigger:

AND I have a history of "soft" (non-penetrative and ostensibly loving) adolescent sexual abuse by father. So here is a datapoint that goes the opposite way: was violated in reality, never fantasized about being violated, ever.

I do not think you can get a valid rational theory behind these fantasies. As stated above, they hurt nobody, so you do not need to feel bad about indulging in them.

AliceKate · Sep 03, 2022, 01:03 PM

I am sorry about your father. He should not have done that. Still, somehow I hope both you and he are well, and I hope the boundaries are clearly drawn now and you have as much distance from him as you need.

Yes, I guess I feel bad about myself because of those fantasies, and not those alone. They make me feel inadequate. I wonder how I can ever enter a healthy relationship when I am most easily turned on by a power struggle.

Bill3 · Sep 03, 2022, 10:41 PM

Why some women fantasise about forceful sex, and why that’s nothing to be ashamed of

AliceKate · Sep 04, 2022, 01:10 AM

I don't feel ashamed per se, I just think it relates to a part of me that is sick... my fantasies are not about men finding me so attractive that they just have to have me. They are about objectifying me, in a way I stop existing, stop being human.

Tart Cherry Jam · Sep 04, 2022, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliceKate

I am sorry about your father. He should not have done that. Still, somehow I hope both you and he are well, and I hope the boundaries are clearly drawn now and you have as much distance from him as you need.

Yes, I guess I feel bad about myself because of those fantasies, and not those alone. They make me feel inadequate. I wonder how I can ever enter a healthy relationship when I am most easily turned on by a power struggle.

Thank you. Thank you very much. It is not all well between me and my father, but somehow this thread gave me the idea of seeking forums specifically for victims of this and seeking advice from them on how to heal and how to move forward in terms of family dynamics. Currently I have maximum distance from my father, but the thing is, I realize that he might die and what I want the most is to be heard. If he could understand that I want to be heard and afterwards we can have a relationship, he can receive care from me in his old age. But I do not want to highjack your thread... thank you.

The main question for you, I think, is: do you get turned on ONLY by power struggle?

AliceKate · Sep 05, 2022, 02:15 PM

You have my blessings to hijack my thread, it is not a problem. I hope you will receive what you wish from your father, though I would caution against feeling devestated if you do not. That being said, time is slowly running out for my father too and I, too, move ever so slightly closer to him as death approaches. There are only so many chances we get with our parents. When we are young, they seem infinite, but of course they are not. Be sure you have eyes and ears here to lend comfort and to listen, no matter what.

I am turned on MOSTLY by power struggle. Strong emotions can do that, too, but I avoid those, espacially the good ones. This is not a great way to live life, of course, and my T and me will work on this when we get there, I am sure. Perhaps we already are working on it, for already I feel myself ever so slightly more open to being vulnerable than I did a year ago.

Tart Cherry Jam · Sep 05, 2022, 03:16 PM

.

Quote:

You have my blessings to hijack my thread, it is not a problem. I hope you will receive what you wish from your father, though I would caution against feeling devestated if you do not. That being said, time is slowly running out for my father too and I, too, move ever so slightly closer to him as death approaches. There are only so many chances we get with our parents. When we are young, they seem infinite, but of course they are not. Be sure you have eyes and ears here to lend comfort and to listen, no matter what. .

You are absolutely right. I have reread my post and noticed that I wrote that I realize that he might die. I meant to say soon, but it came across as if I am still holding on to the idea of parental immortality. We indeed have only so many chances.

.

Quote:

I am turned on MOSTLY by power struggle. Strong emotions can do that, too, but I avoid those, espacially the good ones. This is not a great way to live life, of course, and my T and me will work on this when we get there, I am sure. Perhaps we already are working on it, for already I feel myself ever so slightly more open to being vulnerable than I did a year ago.

All the best working it out with your T! You have already started and you will see how other emotions, not only those that are "edge" emotions, are valuable and worth exploring.

AliceKate · Sep 05, 2022, 10:10 PM

And all the best to you with your father! Thank you for the kind words

Tart Cherry Jam · Sep 06, 2022, 04:59 PM

Alice Kate,

I was just writing an email to my OB-GYN about vaginal irritation caused by my new psych drugs, irritation following partner sex and even solo sex, and I crossed out masturbation and replaced it with solo sex in my draft, and sent it off. Somehow there is still stigma and negativity associated with masturbation, even though it does not deserve it. I say "masturbation" when I talk to my psychiatrist/therapist, as I know him very, very well, but I only see the OB-GYN yearly so I was a little embarrassed writing to her.

I do not see the term "solo sex" in print often, but I think it is wonderful and it also means that there is sex solo and sex with partners and neither one is better than the other.

And then I thought of you and your thread. If you change the language (you know, sometimes language matters, although I do not tend to overgeneralize) to "when I engage in solo sex, I often explore power struggle fantasies as they currently turn me on a lot", does it make it any less problematic for you?

AliceKate · Sep 07, 2022, 12:14 PM

It's a thought, but it's the f word (fantasies) that get's to me more than masturbation. That being said I don't like talking to my therapist about masturbation, and only have done so twice, so using a different phrase seems like a good idea. Solo sex is awesome in english, but it's not my first language and while I often shift to it in session, my therapy is generally in german. I'm gonna look out for a similar phrase in my language

How are things with you and your father?

Tart Cherry Jam · Sep 08, 2022, 11:02 AM

Oh, I used to be fluent in German, but it was so long ago that coming up with a translation for "solo sex" is most definitely beyond my capabilities.

I am thinking about what I want to write to my father. It is a process. We have not talked in almost 5 years and the nasty thing is, he stopped communicating but represented it to our relatives as if I did.

AliceKate · Sep 08, 2022, 11:31 AM

Hmmm, that does sound difficult. I wouldn't write anything untrue, not genuine or in any way not resonating with all of you. Honestly, it sounds to me like he should be the one to reach out or at least apologize if and when you do. He caused you much pain and then goes on to blame you for the state of the relationship between you? What a dickhead. That being said, if it resonates with you (no worries if it doesn't), I'd keep it simple, no more than 5 sentences. Something like "hi dad, I've been thinking about ... (e.g. life) ... and would like to give our relationship another chance. Let me know what you think."
Something like that. It doesn't cost you too much effort, you ideally avoid investing much emotion into it and the accompanying devestation if there is no or no positive answer.

You know, I think I might just go with "solo sex" when it comes up. I do strew in some english words here and there and T adapts to them fine. Thanks for giving me the gift of language

nagda · Sep 10, 2023, 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AliceKate

I don't feel shame or guilt or something when I masturbate, but I do fantasize about men using me, abusing me and I wonder if that is an unhealth habbit.

Thoughts?

Its not wrong to feel happy thinking men notice you and fantasize about you

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