Pornography

recently a lot of posts have turned up about pornography, good or bad

I recently made the decision to eliminate all forms of pornographic material from my life....It was a personal decision based on many factors

yes im a sex addict...

I dont have any desire to get up on a soap box and spew all the
bad things about pornography to anyone on this forum
we are free to indulge ourselves however we see fit and whatever choices you make i'm not here to judge

over the past 7-8 years I have spent over 15,000 dollars on online services,videos,phone sex, sex mags, sex shops...everything but actually paying a woman for real sex....imagine that

my marriage has suffered as well as my spiral into depression

and always remember, sexual addiction is not about SEX, but core
feelings of lonliness and unworthiness and an inability to
forge relationships based on anything but instant gratification

cool, you are so great and so brave to make this post . its nice to know that you have thought it over and finally come to such an abosolute decision. Bravo!

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles Brian and good luck on your continued recovery.

Cyran0

good for you

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and always remember, sexual addiction is not about SEX, but core
feelings of lonliness and unworthiness and an inability to
forge relationships

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That statement right there says you know what's really going on. That's what's important.

Hope things continue to go better for you. We're all here for you.

Brian I understand...You are brave to divulge what you have here
on PC....Good for you, its good you recognized it.

Way to go!!!

I for one am PROUD of YOU....... for taking a stand against some thing you feel is both hurtful and destructive to you, your wife and your marriage...... Stand Tall.

You have a lot of good points there, for some, porn can be very consuming, like crack or alcohol and can lead to isolation and alienation of those you love. You have made a great decision in your case and I hope you will see this through, thanks for sharing your experiance, and best of luck on your continued efforts to deal with this.

hey. i kinda made a decision to eliminate pornography from my life, too. it is something that i feel ambivalent about a lot... but for the most part... i think of the percentage of women who were sexually abused who then 'decided' they wanted to be porn stars and... there is a significant correlation. a significant correlation indeed.

i don't like the messages that are portrayed in porn. s and m themes. the message that women like this (no, most of them who haven't been sexually abused actually don't) the message that virgins actually like this (no, that tends to hurt ESPECIALLY on your first time). the messages of 'this is what it takes to be a "real" man' or a "real women" that are damaging for both sexes...

there is a part of me who thinks that orgy's and 'free love' are natural phenomena. like it is for bonobo's. part of a happy healthy society. displacement of agressive impulses and the resolution thereof.

but i can't help thinking and seeing that... we are different from the bonobo's. there are different social dynamics in play. of doing what you need to do to be perceived as a "real man" or a "real women" when those stereotypes are... unrealistic. and ultimately... undesirable.

a barrier to genuine intimacy.
and... a barrier to genuine fun.

it is hard, though. i guess what i'm trying to say is that there are plenty of people who are fairly liberal sexually who... think that porn is a negative thing for society. for the most part... a negative thing. i guess i'm one of those people. not just a matter of 'better to not do it if you have trouble controlling it'. but more a matter of 'better to not condone / promote those unrealistic and undesirable stereotypes at all'.

hang in there. there is a healthy happy sexuality that exists quite independently of watching the victims of sexual abuse do things that they perceive are the only things that are valuable about them....

Good for you Brian! I think it is really stand up to be very open about what you have been through. You are a true inspiration to those who are battling what you have been through. Keep up the good efforts, and it will all be okay, in life for a healthy and beautiful relationships for you.. I think that I will take all advice that was given to me, and make a difference. Thank you Brian.

You're a brave man, I wish you continued success in your battle.

Brian proud of u. sorry this forum can be potentially triggering for u... there always the choice to remove it from ur view when u log on.. if u want to..

I think I wrote about porn before. I have viewed it as a young man and as an adult. I don't really care for it and if I never saw it again I would be ok with that.

For one I think it degrades women. I'm talking hard porn.
It is very degrading and violent and abusive toward women. Those men that participate in it are a part of that action. Those that view it are giving consent and financial support to the continued abuse of women. These are not men IMO but animals. Women are to be treated with respect and honored for the ability that they have to repopulate and care for children. To treat them as objects for sexual satisfaction is to do unrepairable damage to their emotional and physical well being.

I know I am ranting somewhat but, I have within me the natural male desire to protect women, children and those that cannot protect themselves from harm.Sexual perversion is wrong and it is far too prevelant in this world.

I will sign off now before I get too angry.........

Eric

i wonder...

the trouble i have when i look at porn is that i have these kinds of thoughts occur to me 'if a woman has been sexually abused then she is 4 times more likely to be asked to pose for porn'. stuff like that. so when i look... i wonder about the girl... i wonder what her life story is. i wonder if she feels happy with what she has done and i wonder about what happened in her life for her to feel that way about it...

and the guys too. i don't know that they have done studies on the rates of male sexual abuse in males who participate in the porn industry.

maybe i'm too idealistic... i don't know... but would reading about porn from that kind of perspective... help those kinds of thoughts occur to you if you do look at porn... such that... it isn't enjoyable anymore? because i guess i find it hard to enjoy it because i am worrying about the participants and their willingness or unwillingness and about the messages it gives to people about sex etc etc. do ya think that might help? i guess i'm just kinda curious about whether people who are into porn don't believe the stats or whether they just put them out of mind while they view porn or whether they simply don't care... i dunno...

good luck to you!

well if your on the internet, your bound to find porn....so it has been a struggle to say the least

I havent completely eliminated as of yet, but have made some progress.....

"just keep swimming, just keep swimming"

Good job, keep the good work up. Do you have a pop-up blocker or an Internet security feature to remove most pornographic material? It may help out in using the Internet.

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AboveAllOthers said:
Do you have a pop-up blocker or an Internet security feature to remove most pornographic material? It may help out in using the Internet.

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This is the one my family used..... it has one low fee for a year - I had the $49.95 per year package.

http://bsafehome.com/?17490