[GirlieMama123]

I feel like doing something really wrong. I posted under "I think my BF is a sex addict" and sex is a big problem in our relationship. He is more interested in masturbating than having sex with me. Every time we have sex, it's because I intiate it, and I end up having to "do things" to him in order for it to happen. It hurts and I really feel betrayed. Sex is always on "his terms" so whenever I want it, or bring it up, he gets mad and says that it's like a "chore" and that i'm selfish becuase i only want it when i want it, but i'd be happy whenever, and thats how we've been getting by. I'm getting tired of it though and I honestly am starting to think about having an affair so i can get my needs met. I know this is wrong in every way but I don't know what else I can do. He doesn't even like to talk about it so I know he wont go to counseling with me. He thinks there is no problem, so when i try to talk about it he gets mad.

Any advice is appreciated

[bebop]

do we have the same husbands around here? been there done that hon. no advise really. I am kind of in the same boat as you but I am chosing to stay faithful. it use to really bother me but now that I am getting older or use to it it doesn't bother me so much anymore.

[Slothrop]

A chore?? What is with this guy?

Going to counseling, even alone, is kinder than cheating...but I understand you're frustrated and it isn't easy.

I'm tempted to say leave him to his porn, if he doesn't appreciate you!

[Lenny]

Justification....a process that usually begins with us believing we are being slighted...

Sometimes we find it..sometimes we don't,,but if we go ahead with an action built upon our rational..more often than not we end up with another problem..

Shame.

Think long and hard GirlieMama...and if there seems to be no compromise and this issue is critical to you...try a separation..and see if the grass is truely greener..

With care,

Lenny

[Rhapsody]

The best way I found to deal with this problem when my husband was acting the same way was to make sure that I did not take it personally and to never actually ask him for sex, but rather just do (initiate sex through touching him) - this method left me happy and us having a great sexual encounter together 99% of the time.

[ncguynva]

I acted in a simlar way in my marriage, but without the porn. If you think it is right and justified then go ahead. Just realize the pain that it will put him through. I realize that he has pained you but somebody has to break the cycle of "you hurt me, I'm going to hurt you back"
Have you thought about getting a sex toy to please yourself? Or try the seperation. Tell him your needs are not being met by him. If he wont listen then tell him how serious it is. I wish my wife would have done the same, because I told her I thought about cheating a couple times but didnt.

Best of luck

[saru]

Originally Posted by Rhapsody

The best way I found to deal with this problem when my husband was acting the same way was to make sure that I did not take it personally and to never actually ask him for sex, but rather just do (initiate sex through touching him) - this method left me happy and us having a great sexual encounter together 99% of the time.

Man, I wish my boyfriend would do that! I hate it when he starts to whine about having sex. That does NOT turn me on, in fact it makes me want to turn the other way.
Every time I want it, he doesn't! .... errr