[iamandrew]

I have been in a wonderful relationship for about a year now. The only problem we have is a recent lack of sexual desire from my girlfriend. When she was younger she suffered some sexual abuse, but it was never dealt with. Recently, she began talking about it, but as it came up, she seemed to lose her sex drive. Does anyone have any experience with this? Is it temporary? Is there anything I can do to help? I would appreciate any feedback. Thank you.

[bebop]

I would think she needs to get some counseling since it is coming up at this point. don't push her into sex. let it come more naturally at this point.

[beutifulxdreamr]

Originally Posted by iamandrew

I have been in a wonderful relationship for about a year now. The only problem we have is a recent lack of sexual desire from my girlfriend. When she was younger she suffered some sexual abuse, but it was never dealt with. Recently, she began talking about it, but as it came up, she seemed to lose her sex drive. Does anyone have any experience with this? Is it temporary? Is there anything I can do to help? I would appreciate any feedback. Thank you.

She should definitely see a counselor to work through some of this. I am a victim of sexual abuse. I didn't really talk a whole lot about it in counseling, but my bf was very gentle and patient with me. There were times where we would be intimate and I would burst into a fit of tears. He was scared, I was scared, and our intimacy suffered for it somewhat. We supplemented with things like cuddling and petting or massaging. It was a way for us to be close without being too vulnerable, without opening up a can of worms so to speak.

Over time things got easier. He talked with me about things and just heard me out. Always told me it wasn't my fault. He always reassured me that I was beautiful - the most beautiful and that there was nothing I could do to take that belief away. It didn't help that he had the same name as the perp. I'm sure if we had had more problems and if we should ever have problems with intimacy in the future we would go to a sex therapist - they are experienced with these sorts of things (as well as others... they help coach people through any psychological things that may be disrupting ability to orgasm or to achieve erection or arousal, etc etc.).

Dry spells are normal in any relationship though. Stress plays a big role in all areas of our lives. When I have more work to do, sometimes I'm just not in the mood or I'm too tired for any serious intimacy.

I would say do your best to be patient and supportive and seek professional help (for the both of you). You will need help too processing this information and you will need support to support your lover.

Hope this helps. Good luck with everything

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by iamandrew

Is there anything I can do to help? I would appreciate any feedback. Thank you.

As a past sexual abuse victim as a child and now a lady that is in a twenty-three year marriage I too would suggest that your girlfriend look into receiving some therapy for her past sexual abuse so it no longer controls her or her body in the present.... therapy can work wonders for the healed mind.

[salukigirl]

as also being a survivor of both sexual and emotional abuse from a previous boyfriend I know that i wasn't okay until I started going to therapy. I had to talk it out until I was blue in the face. But after a while I started to learn that not every man was going to do the same things to me and it's been almost 4 years but I still have some triggers but theyve gotten less and less. I would suggest going to a counselor also. Even though you may empathize and listen, she needs someone who can guide her through the talking so it's not just going in a circle. It really says a lot that youre on here looking for ways to help her though. Just realize that it's not you, and I'm sure she feels really bad about making you suffer for something someone else did to her. Just try and be patient.

[Heartachehannah430]

I know this type of situation from personal experience. I've ran alot of boyfriends away because of my past sexual abuse and not wanting to have sex with them. It sounds like she needs to be in therapy and work through her issues. And dont pressure her for sex, that will just make things worse.