[cfh1167]

My teacher is constantly pointing out the fact that I am not feminine. It makes me feel like less of a woman just because I don't wear perfume or wear "girly-girl" clothes. Pardon me if I don't want smell fruity.

I was raised by my father so maybe that might contribute to it, but nonetheless, I like the way I am. Sometimes I admit, I do want tips as to 'is this bra right for me' or something of that nature because I don't have a woman figure in my life and it's hard to figure these things out on my own.

All this really takes a hit to my self esteem, even though I know that no one should make me feel like any less of a person or woman. Any advice?

[lynn P.]

Hi,
this is very inappropriate for your teacher to do. I think you should tell your Father so he could talk to the principal. I'm a Mom of 2 girls and I would never tolerarate a teacher doing that. I glad to you have a strong self esteem and like the way you are. Too many times, as women we are made to feel in adequate with our looks.
If you do wish to explore that more girly side would there be any other woman relative or friend who could advise you. But, if you're happy with yourself then that's okay too. Don't let that teacher get you down and get your principal invoved.
Work on building your self esteem by loving yourself the way you are and thinking positively. Eat healthy, exercise moderately and surround yourself with good people. Concentrate on getting good grades and building a good future.
That teacher should be ashamed of His/herself. That teacher should be teaching, not commenting on how he/she thinks you should look.
Keep be strong - you go girl!

[FrayedEnds]

I agree, that is something totally inappropriate for a teacher to be saying! I'm glad to hear that you like the way you are... I was/am much the same way. I'm 35 now but even in highschool I was just never into all the girlie type stuff.
I think there's much more to "being feminine" than just wearing perfume and frilly clothes.

[cfh1167]

Originally Posted by FrayedEnds

I agree, that is something totally inappropriate for a teacher to be saying! I'm glad to hear that you like the way you are... I was/am much the same way. I'm 35 now but even in highschool I was just never into all the girlie type stuff.
I think there's much more to "being feminine" than just wearing perfume and frilly clothes.

Thank you so much. I don't understand "feminine", just the cliche qualities.

[Rhapsody]

If you are 13 or over then I say you are old enough to take care of this matter your self, therefore, I would suggest that you politely let you teacher know that you are comfortable with yourself just the way you are and that it would mean a lot to you if she could stop with the unnecessary comments.

[notz]

...and if the comments don't stop after you communicate you want them to, come back to this post and talk about it.

notz

[chaotic13]

I wonder what baggage this teacher is carrying. We like to think the teachers interacting with our children are accepting and have students best interest at heart.

What do you think about approaching this teacher after class and politely telling her that you like the way you are and that her continual comments are unsetting to you. If she she has any ethics she will curb her comments. If she continues to make these comments, I would then talk to your dad.

[Maven]

Since I agree with what others have said, I won't repeat their suggestions, but add to them:

Regarding the bra, you might ask a lingerie store for a fitting, and suggestions on the right bra for you. You'll get measured to find the exact right size for you, and they'll help you find a bra that suits your shape and makes you happy.

I read a couple of feminist magazines, BUST and B**** that have all types of women featured in them, from girly girls to rougher, tomboy types. You might look for them in your local bookstore, or check their websites (http://www.bust.com/, and I don't know if I can put the url for the other site here, since it is a curse word, but just do a search for "B**** magazine" with the word spelled out). It just helps to know feminine comes in many flavors.

[deliquesce]

second the idea to go to a bra fitting - i have my mum to turn to, but some things i really prefer asking a stranger about.

i think confronting a teacher about their inappropriate behaviour can be quite a scary thing to do. heck, i'm 24 and at college, and i find it uncomfortable speaking up to authority figures who want to sell me their bull about how i should be looking/acting.

if i was at high school, i would probably have spoken to one of the teachers i was close to, and asked them what to do.

[chaotic13]

In HS I would not have been able to appropriately confront this teacher either. Cfh in her post seemed more confident and more mature than I was at that age. In my day, I would have been very self conscious and upset by the comments. I would likely have responded to this teacher with some smartass, likely disrepectful, public reply and received a few mandatory days off from school. Cfh... You seem a bit smarter than this.

[cfh1167]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

second the idea to go to a bra fitting - i have my mum to turn to, but some things i really prefer asking a stranger about.

i think confronting a teacher about their inappropriate behaviour can be quite a scary thing to do. heck, i'm 24 and at college, and i find it uncomfortable speaking up to authority figures who want to sell me their bull about how i should be looking/acting.

if i was at high school, i would probably have spoken to one of the teachers i was close to, and asked them what to do.

That may be the problem because I am close to this teacher. Secondly, he is a male. He's very comfortable with everything because he and his students are so close. No one really sees him as a teacher at all. He talks to his students as if they were family and treats us as such, even if that includes lewd or inapropriate comments. In the end he seems to justify it all as it being his 'wisdom'. And everyone goes along with it.

I haven't ever been able to go alond with any authourity figures or any younger people as well. There was a little kid (about 6 or 7) who used to always try to touch me and I didn't know how to approach it. I didn't say "No" or anything but I'd move his hand. I'd do the same if it was someone my age or someone older. I don't know why.

[notz]

I assume you're in college. If you're in high school or middle school you should tell your parents what is going on, immediately.

"Lewd" comments are never appropriate. Anyone, in the role of professional educator, who uses inappropriate language or innuendo is not wise. Quite the contrary - they are extremely foolish.

I recommend you keep very wide and clear boundary lines with this man. Your warning bells prompted you to write about this, so heed them.

notz