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#1
Apr 23, 2009, 03:41 PM
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so i'm wondering if intensity during love making comes along with years of loving one another or actual deep appreciation for one another? or is it just pure sexual desire? I hate the fact that I just don't have that intensity during sex with my current boyfriend. he is extremely sweet, cares about me, makes me laugh, we have tons of fun together. but for some reason i just don't have that yearning for him physically. and ive felt it with other guys before so i don't know if its me being stressed or if its just not there?
and if its not there...is it ever possible to get it? i want to feel like i can't keep my hands off of him ALONG with all the other stuff. and thats not to say that i don't like the sex, i do. but i want that deep "have to have him right now" feeling y'know? i just don't know what to do about it y'know? i feel like i appreciate everything he does for me. he would bend over backwards to make sure i'm happy. we always have fun, we talk about everything, were best friends. so why isn't that strong physical attraction there? and its not even that he's not attractive because even if we werent together i would still think he's cute. UGH |
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#2
Apr 23, 2009, 04:07 PM
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well I'll take a stab and say it could be your age...women usually peak around 30-35 wheras guys do around 18-20
I married the only person Ive had sex with, so Im not one to have much insight other than my wife and I have regular sex and then sometimes we have "deep passionate" sex Ive learned that women need lots of attention and emotional nurturing before the "deep passionate" sex happens...and its well worth it when I spend the extra effort to do that took me a long time to learn the ways of the force when it comes to making love to women...maybe your boyfriend hasnt learned to master that emotional bond hell when I was younger I didnt have a clue hope this helps |
 salukigirl
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#3
Apr 23, 2009, 05:19 PM
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Hey there sweetie
 .I've only turned 20 yesterday, engaged and very new to this forum. You know what.....I've had the complete opposite happen to me. When with former partners, I NEVER had that "can't get my hands off him" feeling. If I did, it was extremely shallow and when I started to act on it, I wasn't looking forward to it anymore. so basically I guess I was acting out that feeling and it wasn't real. just thought it would work if i faked it. Anyway, my fiance and I have that passionate bond you're talking about. and I can tell you why. 1) He makes me feel comfortable about my body. Not even a hint of a one second glance on his face, nothing. completely comfortable. I have nice curves but with extra meat lol, so that is a HUGE relief for me, as it used to always be an issue in the past. This makes me feel soo goooooood about getting all over him lol. You have no idea. I have nothing blocking me in my head from "allowing" myself to let go. You NEED TO LET GO!!! 2) He makes me feel emotionally secure and extremely accepted and appreciated. That plays a REALLY BIG part in that passionate bond. I'm not doubting you feel that way, but when I feel emotionally secure and accepted, I feel free to act on my feelings in whatever way I want, and don't have a second of "wait a minute..not right now" in my head when he initiates it with me. Because I KNOW he's physically showing me his love. 3) Foreplay and teasing: Not the usual boob grope. I'm talking about on the phone...when his tone of voice shifts and you get the drift and get all "ooo baby  ". Tease each other with glances..."innocent" touches...if you're at his parent's house or have friends over, touch each other whenever someone is not looking. whether you initiate it or not. If you love him, you will WANT to do that!!4) When you least expect it: We could be talking about cheese and all of a sudden he'll look at me for a few seconds straight on, and something will move inside me, telling me he's not looking at me cuz he's listening anymore...then he gets that smirk on his face and I just coo inside lol. I do the same with me and trust me, it WORKS. Gets the fire started and there's no way to put it out :P. 5) The romantic side: All the above was more about kinky sex. So if you're talking more about making love, then it always helps me get that feeling whenever we've spent some time "emotionally bonding". I believe emotional bonds can drive sex to places beyond...I can't even describe it. I remember crying sometimes from how beautiful it was lol. 6) Passionate sex is like that song from pocahantus about painting all the colors of the wind..and feeling it. Your suroundings. Everything. Close your eyes. LET YOUR BODY GO (again, V IMP). Your body has all those cravings you're talking about, you're just subconciously blocking it with your mind. Don't think of anything else. Don't try to focus too much either. Let go...feel the way he touches you..as if he were stroking slower than he really is...FEEL it. It will get your fire ignited. It's a completely natural thing. 7) Talk to him. If there's something, anything you think he can do that can give you that extra push on exuming that passion, tell him about it. One thing I learned from John Gray was that sometimes you need to help him help you. He loves you. No matter how weird it is or odd, I'm sure he'd be glad to do it, to recieve your appreciation. For instance, I asked my hubby to go virtual dancing with me in a ballroom in Second Life (virtual world) (we dont live together either). It sounds really weird to do that, but it made me feel so in love, to be able to have a taste of that fantasy romance you hear about in fairy tales, even if its all just pixels. The fact that he complied for my sake, even though he wasn't really up to it, made me feel really special and like..at least he cares enough to try. I really appreciated that and it made me melt! Okay before everyone thinks I have an amazing sex life, I DO have intimacy issues and so does he. But the bottom line is... DONT LET THAT GET TO YOU!! LET GO!! BE FREE!! RUN WILDDDDDDDDDDDD!!! loool  God, I hope this helped even a little lol. |
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#4
Apr 23, 2009, 07:04 PM
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If its not there then its not there..... I have been married for 23 years (together 26 years) and our intensity level goes up and down like a roller coaster with sexual desire coming and going with our mood wants and needs of the day.
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#5
Apr 23, 2009, 11:57 PM
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Quote:
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#6
Apr 24, 2009, 08:18 AM
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well finals are in a week. in june im taking my gre and starting in september im applying to grad schools. so yeah, things are piling on, but i can't figure out if its me under stress or me just not feeling it specifically with him.
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