[youOme]

I am 23 years old and I want to have great sex. What's so wrong with that right? I am in a monogamous relationship with my boyfriend and I'm feeling very neglected. He's denying me all the time, when ever I want sex he turns me down and it's beginning to really piss me off. We literally fight about it every night. We have said the worse things to one another and I'm seriously beginning to think our relationship is a HUGE mistake. He's making me feel like **** about myself. I feel ugly now, when before I felt great about myself. We've gotten so angry at one another over this sex stuff that I have told him I was going to sleep with some one else and he's told me he could have a younger woman who hasn't had kids. I don't know if there's any recovering from this point. I want to leave him. He's also told me that since sex is so important to me like this, that I am a slut. Only sluts think sex is THIS important. Sex is literally destroying my relationship. I love him... I really do... but I can't not have sex. I need intimacy all the time to feel more loved. I'm young and attractive and a freak in bed.... I deserve great sex. I don't understand why this is happening to me.

[bebop]

hon it sounds like you guys are not really compatible. me personally would not stay in this relationship. to me name calling is a huge no no!

[salukigirl]

I agree. Name calling reverts back to elementary school and is not something mature people do (hopefully). Guys have always said to me that if they consistently turn down sex on a regular basis then they're either cheating or gay and in denial. Sounds pretty primitive but...my friend and her boyfriend have been together over 3 years and have had some pretty big fights with break up threats etc... Well, he will deny her sex, then, when she leaves, take care of himself. And every guy that she talked to about it said that he doesn't care about her or even like her if he's doing that.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by youOme

Sex is literally destroying my relationship.

I don't think it is sex that is getting in the way of you having a good relationship.... but rather its what you are using the sex for - what ever it is that you NEED from another.

[youOme]

I'm beginning to think there is a serious underlying issue I have not been aware of, or maybe just couldn't accept. I KNOW sex is meaning more here than just regular ole sex. Sex does mean a lot to me, the intimacy makes me feel good. But for me to rely on sex as a means of a self esteem boost is plainly destructive. This is why I feel ugly. But still, he shouldn't have deceived me this way. If he isn't attracted to me than he should have never been so sexually involved with me. I'll admit, the very beginning of our relationship.... we we're friends with benefits. It was purely sex...awesome sex at that. It was the sexual peak that couldn't go no where but down.

I told him I loved him, but what we've said to one another lately has caused to much emotional damage...we'll just resent each other from this point on. I'm devastated... but I'm leaving him.

be strong dessi darling.(by the way, HI! nice to see you around. sorry about the circumstances)

Yes, be strong and know there is something better out there for you. And you know - you might have been good with friends with benifits, but perhaps relationship is not the same with you too. Sometimes that is just how it is.

[bonaire]

Sex should be pretty much mutual. I love candy, ok? But if someone was standing over me force-feeding me Milky Way bars, I'd get pissed! :-)

Ok - you either should both be on the same page sexually or work out what works for you as a couple. Otherwise, the relationship is hurting to some degree. If you are bf/gf mainly for the sex together then you're out of sync. You don't pick a guy because he satisfys your sexual needs - just as a guy doesn't pick a woman for the same reasons.

Try a mini-separation. Couples who are "good" can spend a few days apart and then see how you are together after those couple days. This is normal for many couples to have time apart for job reasons, family reasons or other things. If you can't come back together nicely after a couple days apart, the relationship is not really that good and you may want to find someone who is more compatible for your own needs - both sexually and outside of that. There is a ton more to relationships than sexuality - but being young as you are, that isn't something that you guys may be thinking about right now.