Disturbed by a dream

Fox · Sep 24, 2009, 10:46 AM

Last night I had a vivid dream in five parts. I didn't have any conscientious control since I didn't tell myself at any point in my dream that I was dreaming just kinda figured it out on a sub conscious level.

First part was a pool party which I avoided because I always drown in my dreams. But I did watch from inside a dark house and looking out the glass door.

Second part my mom had an affair with her boss, which was this tall man with dark hair. . . he kinda resembled my brother but better built actually. They were in a gas station and he kinda just seduced her with flattering words which turned into a threat that she wouldn't have a job if she didn't sleep with him. She almost gave in but then saw me watching and got me and pushed me in front of her and made me take her place in the middle of a gas station. I struggled at first then it was like watching a movie and oddly I wasn't bothered by the scene. I felt nothing towards it though I feel like I should have so now I'm bothered.

Third part I woke up (in my dream) in our old van with a young girl, but now I was young too. I snuggled up with the girl to get warm and I kissed her and asked her if she'd have sex with me. We did our thing but were interrupted in the middle of the lesbian relationships by voices outside of the van. We ducked down under the blankets giggling and holding hands. Mom asked if I was going to get up for church. I told her I had other plans and she was very hurt. I felt so bad for disappointing her. She told me "okay you need to get up soon though cause we need you to print out that flier and you need to finish making the menus for the cafe" (it's my new job yay). When she left I snuggled up with my friend and kissed her a bit more then I felt the ground shake as my step-dad walked by grumbling about something so I had to stop again and wait for him to either come or go. He was angry that I wasn't going to church from what I could make out from the arguing going on right outside the van. The girl and I got dressed and we headed outside then she disappeared. I felt very odd throughout this whole thing because I felt like I loved this girl, but I'm not a lesbian. I don't like girls that way. I'm straight. . . I think. I know. Yes, I'm straight. So I'm disturbed that I developed a sexual attachment to a girl.

Fourth part I was in a wooded area chopping up wood for a fire and I was camping with my family. I saw the girl again and we hugged and kissed and another female friend who was older maybe 19ish was there with us and teased us but in a friendly way. She was worried that if my parents found out then I'd be locked away. I was worried too but for different reasons. Mainly being that I developed an attachment to a girl and I'm not a lesbian. They took me to the bathroom and drew on my face with permanent marker "Boi luv" on each cheek. I hugged the older girl and held my female friend close

The fifth part we were together in a carnival arcade place and I was trying so hard to win a prize for the young girl but she kept distracting me in the middle of games by wrapping her arms around me from behind and sticking her hands in my pockets which gave my internal male a hard on that was hard to ignore. Which also added to the conflict since my internal male is gay, he only likes guys, or so I thought. I won the jackpot on one game and gave her all the tickets.

I woke up feeling happy and sad at the same time. I was half hoping it was real because I would have someone to love and to make happy and not be so alone. Happy though that it wasn't, cause if I were to be lesbian it would make my family very sad and I would lose all of my real life friendships. But I'm not a lesbian, I would know if I were wouldn't I?

billieJ · Sep 26, 2009, 03:56 AM

I can't even consider myself an amateur when it comes to dream interpretation, since it's an area of study I've never been exposed to. However, my thoughts have always been that most dreams express either wishes or fears, sometimes unconscious ones. If you have unconscious sexual identity or attachment fears, you would be in a large crowd of people, indeed. Sexual identity seems to be on something of a continuum, with extreme female and male at either end. If you give this some thought consciously, perhaps it will not intrude into your dreams. On the other hand, dreams might BE a way to work it out. I think that's partly what they are for. Certainly, I am not advocating sexual preference of any kind, but I know that to bottle it up is not an answer to anything. Caring About You - billieJ

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fox

Last night I had a vivid dream in five parts. I didn't have any conscientious control since I didn't tell myself at any point in my dream that I was dreaming just kinda figured it out on a sub conscious level.

First part was a pool party which I avoided because I always drown in my dreams. But I did watch from inside a dark house and looking out the glass door.

Second part my mom had an affair with her boss, which was this tall man with dark hair. . . he kinda resembled my brother but better built actually. They were in a gas station and he kinda just seduced her with flattering words which turned into a threat that she wouldn't have a job if she didn't sleep with him. She almost gave in but then saw me watching and got me and pushed me in front of her and made me take her place in the middle of a gas station. I struggled at first then it was like watching a movie and oddly I wasn't bothered by the scene. I felt nothing towards it though I feel like I should have so now I'm bothered.

Third part I woke up (in my dream) in our old van with a young girl, but now I was young too. I snuggled up with the girl to get warm and I kissed her and asked her if she'd have sex with me. We did our thing but were interrupted in the middle of the lesbian relationships by voices outside of the van. We ducked down under the blankets giggling and holding hands. Mom asked if I was going to get up for church. I told her I had other plans and she was very hurt. I felt so bad for disappointing her. She told me "okay you need to get up soon though cause we need you to print out that flier and you need to finish making the menus for the cafe" (it's my new job yay). When she left I snuggled up with my friend and kissed her a bit more then I felt the ground shake as my step-dad walked by grumbling about something so I had to stop again and wait for him to either come or go. He was angry that I wasn't going to church from what I could make out from the arguing going on right outside the van. The girl and I got dressed and we headed outside then she disappeared. I felt very odd throughout this whole thing because I felt like I loved this girl, but I'm not a lesbian. I don't like girls that way. I'm straight. . . I think. I know. Yes, I'm straight. So I'm disturbed that I developed a sexual attachment to a girl.

Fourth part I was in a wooded area chopping up wood for a fire and I was camping with my family. I saw the girl again and we hugged and kissed and another female friend who was older maybe 19ish was there with us and teased us but in a friendly way. She was worried that if my parents found out then I'd be locked away. I was worried too but for different reasons. Mainly being that I developed an attachment to a girl and I'm not a lesbian. They took me to the bathroom and drew on my face with permanent marker "Boi luv" on each cheek. I hugged the older girl and held my female friend close

The fifth part we were together in a carnival arcade place and I was trying so hard to win a prize for the young girl but she kept distracting me in the middle of games by wrapping her arms around me from behind and sticking her hands in my pockets which gave my internal male a hard on that was hard to ignore. Which also added to the conflict since my internal male is gay, he only likes guys, or so I thought. I won the jackpot on one game and gave her all the tickets.

I woke up feeling happy and sad at the same time. I was half hoping it was real because I would have someone to love and to make happy and not be so alone. Happy though that it wasn't, cause if I were to be lesbian it would make my family very sad and I would lose all of my real life friendships. But I'm not a lesbian, I would know if I were wouldn't I?

Jennifer1084 · Oct 04, 2009, 06:14 AM

I use to have those kinds of dreams. But at the same time I was confused about my sexual identity, I was fighting who I was, I wouldn't let myself accept either way really who I was. That's just my experience though. I kind of look at dreams sometimes as things that we are trying to deal with. I once had a Pdoc tell me that it's not so much what you are dreaming about it, it's about the little contents in the dream, not the main content. So if that helps any. Well warm hope for you to figure out whatever is going on or to not feel so disturbed by your dreams. (I read the other post too, that is newer than this one.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fox

Last night I had a vivid dream in five parts. I didn't have any conscientious control since I didn't tell myself at any point in my dream that I was dreaming just kinda figured it out on a sub conscious level.

First part was a pool party which I avoided because I always drown in my dreams. But I did watch from inside a dark house and looking out the glass door.

Second part my mom had an affair with her boss, which was this tall man with dark hair. . . he kinda resembled my brother but better built actually. They were in a gas station and he kinda just seduced her with flattering words which turned into a threat that she wouldn't have a job if she didn't sleep with him. She almost gave in but then saw me watching and got me and pushed me in front of her and made me take her place in the middle of a gas station. I struggled at first then it was like watching a movie and oddly I wasn't bothered by the scene. I felt nothing towards it though I feel like I should have so now I'm bothered.

Third part I woke up (in my dream) in our old van with a young girl, but now I was young too. I snuggled up with the girl to get warm and I kissed her and asked her if she'd have sex with me. We did our thing but were interrupted in the middle of the lesbian relationships by voices outside of the van. We ducked down under the blankets giggling and holding hands. Mom asked if I was going to get up for church. I told her I had other plans and she was very hurt. I felt so bad for disappointing her. She told me "okay you need to get up soon though cause we need you to print out that flier and you need to finish making the menus for the cafe" (it's my new job yay). When she left I snuggled up with my friend and kissed her a bit more then I felt the ground shake as my step-dad walked by grumbling about something so I had to stop again and wait for him to either come or go. He was angry that I wasn't going to church from what I could make out from the arguing going on right outside the van. The girl and I got dressed and we headed outside then she disappeared. I felt very odd throughout this whole thing because I felt like I loved this girl, but I'm not a lesbian. I don't like girls that way. I'm straight. . . I think. I know. Yes, I'm straight. So I'm disturbed that I developed a sexual attachment to a girl.

Fourth part I was in a wooded area chopping up wood for a fire and I was camping with my family. I saw the girl again and we hugged and kissed and another female friend who was older maybe 19ish was there with us and teased us but in a friendly way. She was worried that if my parents found out then I'd be locked away. I was worried too but for different reasons. Mainly being that I developed an attachment to a girl and I'm not a lesbian. They took me to the bathroom and drew on my face with permanent marker "Boi luv" on each cheek. I hugged the older girl and held my female friend close

The fifth part we were together in a carnival arcade place and I was trying so hard to win a prize for the young girl but she kept distracting me in the middle of games by wrapping her arms around me from behind and sticking her hands in my pockets which gave my internal male a hard on that was hard to ignore. Which also added to the conflict since my internal male is gay, he only likes guys, or so I thought. I won the jackpot on one game and gave her all the tickets.

I woke up feeling happy and sad at the same time. I was half hoping it was real because I would have someone to love and to make happy and not be so alone. Happy though that it wasn't, cause if I were to be lesbian it would make my family very sad and I would lose all of my real life friendships. But I'm not a lesbian, I would know if I were wouldn't I?

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