Recurring Dream

I have a recurring nightmare...its pretty graphic and scary. It takes place at a rest area off the freeway, and Im getting raped by 2 men. Years ago, I drank alcohol and did cocaine heavily trying to escape as far from reality than I could and often passed out or could not drive. The dream feels so real, im wondering if something like this really happened to me. I wake so wet from sweat that I have to change clothes.

I stopped drinking and using cocaine 3 years ago. its been a rough ride dealing with all my medical and mental health. im finally reaching out for some help.

Have you tried hypnosis ? Maybe then you could find out if it really happened ? I assume that's how it works

Yes, I have thought about it, havent done any research or asked my doc or t about it. Im constantly searching within myself for answers to so many questions. I really dont remember anything before I was 16, just a few bits and peices.

Many counselors have said that I need to just let the past go, and some who believe I need to confront it and then move on. It is so painful. I have done some inner child work, and always quit counseling when memories are stirred up. The only happy memories are from an aunt who took me camping and sometimes we would just drive and listen to music. I know now she did it to get me away from my dysfunctional family and so I would have some kind of role model. I will always love her for that. she moved across country when I was 15, I felt abandoned and angry.

i have dreams like this to

Mainly cause it did happen to me but I also dream things that havent happened but its what i fear will.
Your dream may be an actual event that happened but it also could be that you had a scare and thats what would of happened if you hadnt of escaped.
Dreams are difficult to understand but they are alot about our insecurities and fears.
Im glad your seeking help and i know dreams like this are distressing and i hope you can begin to open up and find a proffesional you can trust.
were always here

It sounds too vivid to me to have happened if you use to pass out; you would have stayed passed out or would have come to and would remember. Like Princess Butterfly says, dreams are weird things. I don't know why you drank or did cocaine but I'd think the dreams would be about whatever the reality you were trying to escape from; I'd think the recurring dream would be about being overwhelmed and "brutalized" by reality?

Do you have a therapist? Seeing mine didn't immediately help my recurring theme (cockroaches!) but over time did; I no longer have it or unpleasant dreams like it.

First - safe hugs to you peechiz.
Second - BIG congrats on the time you have invested in sobriety!!!
Third - I can not stand anyone who tells someone else to "get over" their past! urrrrrrrrrrrrr

When I was in my 20's, I went through my first "round" of therapy. It was in order to make it through college - and it was something a teacher introduced me to. Thankfully! And it saved my life.

Durring that time, there were huge gaps missing from my early life. Later I found out that this was due to DID. But I did not know it at the time. ((NOT saying that is your case - just my example ))

But the T told me at the time that the human mind was very smart and would do everything it could to protect itself from danger. In some cases, dreams I had that I wondered if they were real was actually my brain trying to warn me against certain behaviors that were very risky.
In other cases, I could not figure them out - and acually thought for years that I may have killed someone when I was little but did not remember doing it. URRRR

What T told me to do back then was to not dismiss anything - but not dwell on it either. At that time, I had to focus on doing what I had to do to get through daily life with sanity. He told me that once I was "settled" and "safe" that my psych would open up on its own.

Well, I managed to just let go of the mental anguish those unanswered questions held over me - and focus on what I had to do. Ten years passed after I left T. Then one day it hit me! All at once I felt like my world was crashing in on me.

My T told me it may happen like it did - so I knew what to look out for - the depresion and such. And I was able to promptly get myself a new T about 5 months ago. Sure enough, my first T had been right - when the brain is ready and in a safe place, it will reveal what you are ready to know and face.

So now I am doing what they call trauma work. It stinks
But with my new T, I am now able to see the memories my alters hold and I can work with dealing slowly with the memories I need to face. And I also know now that I did not kill anyone. It was symbolic for something else.