[Mesimplyme4532]

I am a 21 year old boy I have had a happy life I know my mother loves me my older brother would do anything for me and my father always made sure we were happy healthy and financially stable. I don't remember much of my childhood but I have no real reason to suspect it was anything other than above average. The first truely obvious and observable issue with me is I have had a reoccurring dream for as long as I can remember. It is not always the same dream but there is one person constant throughout all of them and the general flow is the same. The first time I remember having the dream was when I was eleven I think. It started with me playing Nintendo 64 as I very often. The legend of Zelda ocarina of time. As I was playing a very familiar girl I had to my knowledge never met before came out of the game and led me into the game with her. She was a beautiful thin blond girl with sapphire blue eyes and a nose that though I didn't realize it during the earlier dreams gave the impression of having been broken before. She was perfect in my eyes and after some time adventuring through the world of hyrule we began to become somewhat romantic (by eleven year old mes standards... We even held hands) it was then that the bad creatures from the game started to attack. We fled for safety and just before we reached it ganondorf the main villain from the game impaled her through the stomach at which point I believe I woke up. I have been similar dreams ever since the most recent (last night) took place in a Japanese restaurant. The story always has the same themes we escape we fall in love trouble finds us she dies. Over time a few parts change for one she has aged with me. But the basics remain the same. I never thought much of it until I started to realize that I had practically no childhood memories and the ones I do have I'm not sure are real some of them I think are stories I've been told happened and created memories to fill the space. But still I didn't think much of it till one day a song came on the radio while I was in my car and I started to cry. I'm not sure why I'm usually a fairly emotionally calm and low key person but I was crying to a song from the nineties. There's more to this story but typing it honestly has me a little shaken and it's 1:30 am so I shall stop here for now.

[Mesimplyme4532]

I don't know why my parents sent me to therapy in middle school. At the time I was told they were just hoping he would be able to help me do better in school. Which seemed odd at the time bt it meant I got to leave school early every day but when I recently applied to a job and they asked I mentioned the therapy and when I asked my parents where I went they got fairly defensive and wouldn't tell me... That seemed highly suspicious to me. When I started lookin back I remembered I don't remember trying to kill my sister (this is something neither of us have ever mentioned to anyone honestly I'm only brave enough to mention it now because anonymity on the Internet makes things easy) it was a long time ago I actually don't even remember when even the time before and after feels a lot like a shadow of a memory. I remember her and I were home alone. She was being annoying we were arguing (normal older brother younger sis stuff) and next thing I remember I was standing over her with my hands on her throat. I immediately let go and she was a little freaked out and fled to her room without saying anything I heard the door lock and then I was about 3 miles from home running barefoot down the street. I also recently hid a knife from myself which scares me a lil bit (I found it about a week ago in my closet) idk what's wrong with me and a large part of me thinks I'm just faking everything to get attention another voice deep down tells me no that's just what they used to say to keep the truth quiet I dont know... Sorry

[Mindinpieces]

Originally Posted by Mesimplyme4532

I am a 21 year old boy I have had a happy life I know my mother loves me my older brother would do anything for me and my father always made sure we were happy healthy and financially stable. I don't remember much of my childhood but I have no real reason to suspect it was anything other than above average. The first truely obvious and observable issue with me is I have had a reoccurring dream for as long as I can remember. It is not always the same dream but there is one person constant throughout all of them and the general flow is the same. The first time I remember having the dream was when I was eleven I think. It started with me playing Nintendo 64 as I very often. The legend of Zelda ocarina of time. As I was playing a very familiar girl I had to my knowledge never met before came out of the game and led me into the game with her. She was a beautiful thin blond girl with sapphire blue eyes and a nose that though I didn't realize it during the earlier dreams gave the impression of having been broken before. She was perfect in my eyes and after some time adventuring through the world of hyrule we began to become somewhat romantic (by eleven year old mes standards... We even held hands) it was then that the bad creatures from the game started to attack. We fled for safety and just before we reached it ganondorf the main villain from the game impaled her through the stomach at which point I believe I woke up. I have been similar dreams ever since the most recent (last night) took place in a Japanese restaurant. The story always has the same themes we escape we fall in love trouble finds us she dies. Over time a few parts change for one she has aged with me. But the basics remain the same. I never thought much of it until I started to realize that I had practically no childhood memories and the ones I do have I'm not sure are real some of them I think are stories I've been told happened and created memories to fill the space. But still I didn't think much of it till one day a song came on the radio while I was in my car and I started to cry. I'm not sure why I'm usually a fairly emotionally calm and low key person but I was crying to a song from the nineties. There's more to this story but typing it honestly has me a little shaken and it's 1:30 am so I shall stop here for now.

I am no expert here just another lost person so pleas remember this when reading my thoughts and views on this. I think this dream is trying to make you realize that you feel you lost out on some social interacts per say from your childhood as you feel that you were alone most of the time playing computer games with no accountable memories of such other interactions. You feel that now at your age you are beginning to notice thoughts and feeling you missed out on which you may feel you never experienced in your past childhood. I am guessing you are getting to know someone, a female in your life or becoming more aware that you want to experience such life experiences but you feel you don’t know how or more likely from what past experience? As you feel you don’t have any really to go by, you feel you have been let down by the fact as when you were younger you missed out and can only relate to the experiences you gain from playing the computer games as accountable memories from a time you now feel should have gone differently and been doing other things at that time like socializing more with others. I am sure this wasn’t true of all the time but I am getting the feeling you blame slightly your family or maybe just one member, as you say the same creature always kills the girl, so this leads me to believe you blame a person as to why you missed out on life’s experiences or feel that now you just don’t know how to be or react because you feel you never learned or had the opportunity too at the hands of this one person so to speak. I hope you don’t mind my take on this and I wish you all the best. Also welcome to PC before I forget!!