i try not to sleep

I don't like sleeping at all...im a firefighter and lately I have been dreaming of the people I couldn't help I couldn't save...I see their face so I try not to sleep

Hello, firefighter. Sleep is so important. Does your department offer counseling? If not, have you considered therapy to desensitize what is going on in your head?

You deserve a better life.

I see a therapist but I never brought it up to her...I thought it would just go away but it hasnt

From your thread in the Work & career forum:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=260898
Maybe you need to spend a little more time sleeping so you can have some different dreams & maybe you can work with your therapist about being a little more honest about who & what you are even if it's online.....no place like on line to learn how to be honest with yourself & others.

no I never had a job besides the under the table job but I am a firefighter a volunteer firefighter...I do it because I like it and someone has to do it...but I never had a real taxes taken out of my pay job before I only volunteer

Those faces of people you could not save in your dreams may be faces of You Yourself. Take care of Yourself, then it is easyer to help those you are able to help.

i agree with thunder bow.