[Virus]

I once had a dream I was this small fox creature. I was being chased for some reason, so I ran. There were a lot of close calls, and eventually I gave up running and just let myself be caught. My fur was picked off and my vision panned out to this 3rd person point of view, where I was staring at some moving chart and fully aware that I was being eaten alive and in extreme pain that I could not feel. I only felt terror.

Next I was at a meeting of some sort at my old high school. I was relatively an outcast there (as would be in normal life) and had my dice with me. I lost them and was gathering them, one commented that the most important die, d20, was missing, and I replied that I left it at home so I wouldn’t lose it. I considered stealing other dice I knew weren’t mine since there were a ton laying around and mine were all so plain and boring, and I did take a red translucent d12 that was a little big and rather pretty.

Then I missed the bus and needed to call mom to tell her I was walking home. My phone was gone, so I had to borrow anothers. No one had one. Saw playground in distance, figured teacher had phone. Worried mom would be worried, pestered teacher who seemed completely unresponsive to everything. Old, distorted woman.

Looked at children. Commented how I hated those poles. You know, the fire man ones. They scared me in real life as a child. Then I noticed the ground was concrete. Children were running around frantically but controlled, like robots that acted just as children but their faces were dead. Then it’s like they malfunctioned. Children jumped off face first onto concrete. Dead. Others killed themselves by bashing their faces or necks repeatedly on bars. Not robots. Just children. And they just kept going with dead serious faces that just don’t belong on children.

I couldn’t move, couldn’t help or interact with the children or area around them. The teacher started humming. I magicked over a piano, my dream self figuring she liked music, to get her phone. She came alive and played something fun and happy as these kids kept committing their robotic suicide. I couldn’t move at all. The lady was in high saturation and even more distorted like some sort of bad trip or abstract/post impressionist painting. Eventually I got her phone and was desperately trying to call my mother but I woke up drenched in sweat before she answered.

What the hell happened? I don't even know how to begin analyzing this...

[redbandit]

Since u mentioned the different sided dice, I'm guessing ur into rpg? My husband also is. I think the dream sounds like you have an active imagination, maybe something from one of ur games precipitated it? Sounds terrifying though

[Virus]

I do have an active imagination, maybe that's just it...

[Thunder Bow]

Robots, furry little creature eaten by an Owl? The pressing need to keep your mother informed of your locations. Old teacher....

Maybe you are letting go of the apron strings?

[shashra]

My mother, my aunt, and I always have really weird dreams when there’s a full moon. What’s the scientific explanation for this? I’m sure I don’t know. Once my mom dreamt she was covered in baked potatoes. She also dreamt she was a basketball star and kept running down the court and dunking the ball (she’s five-foot-three, by the way, and she woke up sweating). Most of my weirdest dreams involve food.

[MusicMike]

What are your associations to foxes and small furry creatures in general? What do they make you think of?

Being pursued could mean that a part of yourself, a particular feeling for instance, is trying to come to the fore, and you are scared of it. Being eaten alive could mean that it threatens to take over your entire self, or feels that way.

What are your associations to these dice? Do you like them? Do you associate to childhood by any chance? How old are now, may I ask? Was childhood long ago, or recent? The dream seems to suggest the dice are highly valuable to you. You even keep one at home to protect it, but you then don't have access to it. So if you are protecting some part of yourself, the downside is that you no longer can access it, can no longer use it. You want to steal, so you feel your own capacities are insufficient.

The old woman comes between you and talking to your mom. I wonder if the old woman is your mom, a particular side of your mom. When this side came out, you no longer recognized what you loved about your mom. You keep trying to reach the mom you know and trust, but the old woman comes in the way. She is "distorted," in other words this side of your mom comes out and you no longer recognize her.

The playground scene: so you have pretty negative associations to childhood it seems. You talk about hating a part of the playground. The children aren't happy, in fact don't even express any emotion. You can't move--you can't play with them, you don't feel able to access the happiness of childhood.

This old woman then plays happy music in complete disregard of the children's state of being. This sounds like non-empathy, as though your mom, in this altered state, was completely insensitive to your feelings, and you had to go numb to protect yourself.

My impression of the whole is that it is talking about your childhood and your mom. The thing pursuing you may be your feeling and memories of childhood. Perhaps you didn't feel empathy from your mother in general, so you were unable to allow your own feelings to flourish and show themselves. What you keep locked at home, the dice, may represent the best qualities of childhood, but you are unable to access it. So by trying to hold the negative feelings about childhood at bay, you are unable to access the enjoyment either, and you feel less whole as a person (the need to steal).

[Virus]

What are your associations to foxes and small furry creatures in general? What do they make you think of?

I dunno, I just like animals in general, and foxes happen to be quite cute. Again, I like ALL animals. They make me calm and happy.

I think that explanation of being chased sounds about right. I always feel my emotions will take over, and they often do and I hate it.

What are your associations to these dice? Do you like them? Do you associate to childhood by any chance? How old are now, may I ask? Was childhood long ago, or recent?

The dice I had in my dream were actual dice I own in real life. My favorite Uncle gave them to me as a present. I like them because they're cool shapes and if I ever need help making a decision, I just roll them and let them decide for me. I actually am rather over protective of them all, but the 20 sided one is my favorite. And I'm 18, still in (virtual) high school and living at home.

My mom sorta got distorted after she married, suddenly liking certain things and abandoning the things she loves. However, she's always been very against me having negative emotions, but instead of going numb I just let them take over and I'd have panic attacks and feel all helpless and alone (still true to the day). I was never really allowed to play with other children, partly since I was/am so weird, so I guess that kinda makes sense too. Otherwise I was depressed and very much wanted to hurt/kill myself as a child, and I've always been alone in the struggle fighting that...

That's very helpful and makes a lot of sense. I figured the calling my mother was just that my mother has to know exactly where I am at all times in real life and not telling her I missed the bus would result in scolding...

[Thunder Bow]

The imprints from your mother while you were growing up may be causeing some of this that you are experiencing. Try some therapy to get in touch with them.