[LearningMe01]

I have had some major "transference" issues with T for a long time now. (I hate the word transference, and really only use it so people get my drift.)

I have dreams involving her from time to time, and they are always very "real". They are the kind of dreams that leave you feeling as though it actually happened for hours after you wake up.

The most recent was last night. In this dream we were swimming (although, haven't figured out where the swimming part came from) and kissing and such (nothing too graphic). I remember feeling extremely happy, but somehow still a little ill at ease. Later in the dream, we had plans to meet up, but she had some school work to do first (which makes sense, because she's a phd student in real life) When I went to meet up with her, she never showed. I had friends and people I loved surrounding me, but not T, and I was completely heartbroken.

My interpretation of this is - In real life, I have my T for emotional support , but will never truly 'have her.' She is also leaving for an internship sometime soon, and I'll never see her again. We have talked about this recently. It took my quite a bit of time to let her in, and feel close to her (before all these 'other' feelings started) but once I did, I really did.

One of the things I dislike most about therapy is that it almost feels like a tease sometimes. You get all close to these people, but the relationship can only go so far. And in most cases, the ONLY way you'll ever actually have them in your life is through therapy, even though often times we tend to want them there as more.

So maybe, the dream was my subconscious expressing frustration towards the fact that while her affection is sort of 'in my grasp' I'll never truly have it. Not for real.

Make sense to ya'll? If you have any other ideas about this dream, feel free to add your input!

[Thunder Bow]

Your interpretation is a good one. Another good insight!

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by LearningMe01

IOne of the things I dislike most about therapy is that it almost feels like a tease sometimes. You get all close to these people, but the relationship can only go so far. And in most cases, the ONLY way you'll ever actually have them in your life is through therapy, even though often times we tend to want them there as more.

Well, that's one way of seeing it. Another way of seeing it is that you get to have the relationship focus entirely on you, your life and your needs. You don't have to worry about how your T is feeling, or give as much as you take, it's all about you. Which is something you can't get from most relationships you'll have.

[LearningMe01]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Well, that's one way of seeing it. Another way of seeing it is that you get to have the relationship focus entirely on you, your life and your needs. You don't have to worry about how your T is feeling, or give as much as you take, it's all about you. Which is something you can't get from most relationships you'll have.

Thanks. I understand what you're saying. I struggle with that kind of relationship though. I've come to care about T as a person. I've been seeing her for almost two years, how could I not?

On that note though, I do let therapy "happen" it doesn't interfere with the work. But I will always worry if she appears to be feeling bad, that's just my nature and I can't change that.

[LearningMe01]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Your interpretation is a good one. Another good insight!

Thanks, I thought I pretty much got it

[MusicMike]

Here's my take on the transference: whether you are suspicious of her, angry at her, or want a friendship her, it's a golden opportunity to find out what that experience means to you as an issue separate from the other person. It's likely that your initial caution said something about your life history and personality, and your care about her now says something about those things, too. And the feelings about saying goodbye say something about that, too. Only in a therapist will you find someone who is focused purely on what that means to you and focused on exploring more about the types of feelings that are there. It's likely that if you look closely at your feelings, you will find that in part they aren't feelings that arise in normal friendships or they arise for different reasons. So again, it's only with a therapist that you have a chance to observe those types of feelings.

I know it's not easy, however. I am thinking about making a career move and I'll probably have to leave the therapist I have been with for 23 years. I've made vast amounts of progress and I know I can handle leaving, but talk about grief when it happens. It will be like a spouse dying or something.