Ehhh...astral projection, anyone?

The following is going to sound insane. It sounds insane to me, but please, bare with me....

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a religious person. Been there, done that, and being told that I was going to hell on a weekly basis - as a child - for thinking differently than the sheeple around me has left me with quite the bitter distaste for religious institutions and those that are affiliated with it.

Now, onto point: I've been coming down on my meds for about a month now. My insomnia has come back with a vengeance, but when I FINALLY fall asleep, my dreams have become more and more bizarre and/or horrific. I don't mind that; I've dealt with that my entire life.

However....this afternoon, I was exhausted and told my husband I was going back to bed. Had a string of weird dreams again, but then it felt like I was awake, kind of like being stuck with the sleep paralysis but not quite. It felt like I was turning and twisting "inside" my body, like it was my brain, or my soul...I can't really explain it.

I remembered when I was little (when the abuse was happening), I could "fly" out of my head when I slept. No one believed me for a long time, even after I told my mother about the things I witnessed from my bird's-eye-view up by the ceiling. (Years later she admitted that she believed me, but she was too terrified at the time to be honest with me).

Anyway, I had to talk to a priest about it. He warned me never to do this, because "demons would take over my body." So when I started to "fly," I would get so paranoid that some unseen evil entity would take over my body that I would "suck" my mind's eye back inside my head.

Today, as I was "rolling inside my own body" on the bed, awake and aware, I "rolled" off of the side of the bed. It wasn't quite like the floating I used to do as a child; instead of going up like a helium balloon, I fell down the side of my bed in slow-motion until I was on the floor, looking under my bed. I could see the mess of boxes and a few socks stuffed under there, and that was when the old phobia about demons coming to possess me came back. I was sucked back inside my own head, still awake and aware.

I went to my therapist today to put another dent in the astronomical bill that I owe his company, and I told him about it. He said that this form of 'disassociation' was common with people (particularly children) that suffer from PTSD like I do. He's kind of new-agey, I guess, but he's a smart guy and I don't think he was telling me this just to pacify me.

The kicker in all of this is that on my drive home, I had a massive anxiety attack, and I have NO idea why. I've had one looming over my head all day - I've taken a full klonopin already to try to keep it down - but I don't think it's working. It's like I KNOW "Uncle Pedo" is here, just around the corner, waiting for me and I'm still this scared little kid again. It's sickening, and I hate it. I hate feeling like this, I want it to just stop. I think this whole "floating" business has brought the old feelings of "gotta run, gotta hide and escape" back up to the surface.

Now that the crazy lady has spoken, has anyone else ever done this "astral projection" stuff? Is it a real thing, or is it just my brain's way of tricking me again? It was kind of fun and thrilling - the same way I felt when I was little - but I've been screwed up all day because of it.

Hi mama Char-lee, well my dear, personally from my experience i believe in Astral projection ,when i was in my 20's' and 30's i was quite a fit lady exercising, eating healthly, good job, new age kinda way of thinking, no mental health problems (so i thought) any way i had had 3 specific dreams like what you described, first one was i right up there in the air feeling light happy and in control, actually flying through the sky, it was sereal, in fact i met my best friend in a beautiful garden, then just as i was there i was awake in my bed. The second time i was in my street, it was night time , same thing again, but this time i needed a bit more effort to keep flyin, i could look beneath me and see the street, lamposts the ground i could even stop and hover this time, the feeling of being in control was ewesome, i felt as light as a feather, i was not actually doing anything with all this flying and hovering just" being " as it were, this instances did not happen night after night , there was a few months inbetween , but how i wished i could go to my " flying dreams" every night. The second time felt more real than than the first. and to the last time, the air was not so appealing as it were , it was very overcast, thundery and cold, i was not alone , this godly like man held my hand , he was by my side flying with me, as if he was taking me some where, i was not scared just a bit confused because neither of us spoke, we gently came to the ground in a field next to an old shabby, weather worn barn, i looked in side and saw my sister standing there in one corner, she looked very sad, we never spoke, you see my sister had died in 1980 and this was late eighties early nineties......... woke up in my bed, felt weird that time..... well to cut a long story, it never happend again, i have tried and tried but to no avail it as happend again. sorry it was long.
I had an abusive childhood, both mentally and sexually, but i don't no if that has anything to do with my astral gliding or not, but as i have aged (49) i have suffered many mental illnesses, so i don't know if my answer has gave you any insight to your astral gliding, other people might give you scientific theories, but i know mine was real.
gismo x

You're not crazy.

Demons aren't going to take over your body.

You won't go to Hell.

There are several layers to the mind. While we're awake, the gross mind is manifest. Basically you're brain is taking in the information from the world around you and your gross mind is perceiving and identifying those phenomena. Think of it as your gross mind being the flow of thoughts. Basically it's the central processor and your brain is the hard drive.

When you fall asleep, progressively more subtle minds become manifest. While dreaming, our subtle mind is manifest and it has disconnected from our gross body. (You're perceiving your dreams instead of your body.)

Here comes the really icky part.

For someone who has suffered strong trauma, their mind "grasps" more strongly than most people. (Key word "most", not everyone has to have endured strong suffering to experience this.) As you sleep, your mind doesn't want to let go of it's gross connections so though your subtle mind has become manifest, it's still clinging to your gross body and the world around you. It's a sticky, messy little phenomena I called grasping above.

So what happened was your subtle mind was beginning to manifest and trying to perceive your "dream world" but since your mind was grasping at the gross world, you "fell out of bed" and saw what you saw. It's not a figment of your imagination. It's very real and a good sign that you floated, drifted instead of plummeting (and some people would argue that it's a very, very ... very good sign).

The demon phobia is an imprint, a cootie, left over. A negative impression and something we all have. Since your subtle mind began to manifest, those imprints were still affecting you later leading your gross mind to freak out and cause your panic attack.

Long story short, what you experienced was no less real than anything else. Enjoy it if it happens again and don't worry, you'll be perfectly safe though the whole thing.

Your dream is within normal parameters. You looked under your bed and saw all the old feelings and memories of you past hidden in all those old boxes. All those now dead demons and phobias. You are doing well in you Healing. I don't think those "Demons" are coming back, not any more.

Feel free to have that floating sensation again. This time it means being free, and you are healing, rather than escaping and disassociation. Religion is all about control and social order. They were trying to scare you, so they can have some control over you. But the fear they were trying put in you was false and unreal. Most Religions use Fear to keep social order in their followers.

Thanks for the feedback, guys! I'm happy to know that I'm not (entirely) crazy, and that this phenomenon has happened to others. It's been an up-and-down week, and I know I wouldn't mind "floating" again. I just wish the stigma of imaginary demons coming to take over my body didn't ruin it for me.