[stuckforever]

I have my sleep schedule kinda screwed up. I just started a new job and so I need to be rested, but when I lay down to sleep my mind just races. When I do sleep usually around 2 am, I have nightmares. I don't remember them when I wake up, I just know they were bad cause my heart is racing and I feel panicked. I have been without a job for over a year so when I couldn't sleep I just read a book till I fell asleep. Now I feel pressured to sleep at a certain time and my mind and body are revolting. The not sleeping and the nightmares are really making the depression worse. I have run this cycle before, and I don't like where it leads...usually to me crying for it all to end...with suicidal idealizations. I am not there yet, but hopelessness is creeping in and I feel helpless against it.

Hey Stuck, me too about the pressure to go to sleep. I'm a night owl and used to have a job where I needed to get in at 8a, stand in a circle with the rest of the company, and be lucid enough to talk about that day's plan.

Mondays were the worst, because I'd feel the revolt you're talking about all of Sunday evening. And I would cry every morning before going to work.

My therapist told me to recite to myself before bed. He told me to say "catastrophization" over and over. First, the word is darn boring and it's like counting sheep. But what he was really trying to do was tell me that the worst thing I can think of will not happen. It just won't.

For me, it worked for the nightmares. What worked for the sleeping part? Telling myself, "I'll deal with whatever happens in the morning." I'm not saying these will be a perfect solution for you --- I'm just saying that you have some control over your situation and there's real hope that it will get better.