[SuzyK]

Hi All
I have a recurrent dream of my husband abandoning me. I dream that he just leaves with no explanation or note or anything. He is just gone and I cannot reach him by phone or through anyone we know. I always get to a point in the dream where I look down at my wedding rings and realise that I will have to take them off at some point and move on with my life without him. This is usually the point where I wake up crying in my sleep.
I've had these dreams for quite a while (ever since we got married 3 years ago), but what is strange is that now they also include other past relationships. Where a man I dated before is now my husband and has abandoned me.
Just a bit of context: My husband and I are having problems conceiving because of sperm quality issues. Last year in November we managed to actually get pregnant (after 2 years of trying) but we lost the baby at 8 weeks. I have been very depressed because of it and I feel as though my life has no meaning anymore. I have been searching for a way to deal with the loss but I just can't seem to move past it. Just as I think I'm ok and can move forward something happens and I break down again. I sometimes spend days just crying and at these times I don't know if I can go on living anymore. I don't know if this has something to do with the dreams or not. Just thought I should put it in there.
What does it all mean?

[Travelinglady]

Hi, SuzyK, and welcome to Psych Central! I wouldn't be surprised if these dreams don't have something to do with what you have experienced.

Have you ever thought of leaving your husband? (Just wondering.)

I am so sorry about the loss of your child. You might find the Grief and Loss forum to be helpful. I hear that losing a child is one of the hardest things for a parent to go through, and even a miscarriage takes its toll.

[SuzyK]

Hi there
Yes, I have thought about leaving him at times, but I could never actually do it. He is my best friend and I love him very much, but sometimes it is very hard for me to accept that he might never be able to father children. (Just to clarify, I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks pregnant, we did not loose a live born baby)

Sometimes it just feels as though I've just made all the wrong choices and that now I'm stuck in a life I don't want and could never be happy in. Every day I get older and it seems like the possibility of the life I imagined is slipping further and further away. I have lost hope that I will ever really find meaning in my life or ever be happy again.

I also no longer know what I want to do with my life, I don't even know if it is even really about having children anymore. It just seems as though since I got married, nothing in my life has works out the way I planned. Our business is stuck in a rut (we been battling red tape for over 3 years to try to get it off the ground), we can't have children, I can't seem to find my feet professionally (I still don't know what I want to do for a job). I am just so lost and I don't know how to get out of this frame of mind.

Before the miscarriage it seems everything was on track, but since then it is like all our dreams just got flushed down the toilet. I am too scared even to hope, because I can't handle the disappointment anymore. But that means I am constantly in a disappointed and depressed state, so what is the use?