[Mapleburn15]

I am quoting my earlier post in another forum. The reason I am posting here is I need your help. I dream of my ex almost every night. And the dream is that I am trying to connect with him but I cannot get through, sometimes because I cannot find his number on my cell or sometimes because I miss him by inches and seconds. while I know why I am having these dreams can you suggest how I may NOT have them...how can I put myself in a frame of mind before sleeping where such dreams will not come? IT IS A BIT LONG. APPRECIATE YOUR TIME
QUOTE
(I have gone through a very painful break up with my ex. After about three years of togetherness when we were supposed to get together when he just disappeared. Changed jobs and broke contact.I was emotionally abused by him for a long time. I do not wish to contact my ex nor do I wish to start the relationship but I do not seem able to move on. I have plans for the future, yet I cannot stop obsessing about him, visiting his company website and sneaking at him in social media , I keep thinking of the unhappy and frankly disrespectful aspects of this highly volatile relationship and how I allowed him to use and throw me aside. Am I am suffering from a co-dependency syndrome? Any thoughts? The person fits the bill of a narcissist and a sociopath but I think the issue is not him but me. I cannot afford therapy at the moment.)

[glok]

Hello, Mapleburn15. You may be experiencing a complicated form of grief, trauma, depression or other malady as a result of the abuse you experienced. Professional help may be of benefit to you.

Finding Low-Cost Psychotherapy | Psych Central - Part 2
Adult Nightmares: Causes and Treatments

[happiedasiy]

Dear Mapleburn15,

I think when you love someone, there will always be a part of you that becomes intertwined with who you are today. On the other hand you said he was abusive, thats not love.

Love is kind, love is respecting/accepting, and a loving relationship is hard work.

What he did was wrong and nothing will ever make it right, however what you are doing
obsessing over him is not healthy for you.

Before bed use thinking/thought that distract you from him.
Think about your future man.
Before entering a new relationship, do some self healing least you fall for the same man with a different face!

In your dream you keep missing him by moments because he is not for you and your heart and mind knows this already. Albeit painful grieve for the relationship. Forgive yourself for allowing someone to mistreat you. Take all the lessons learned and allow yourself to be free.

Happiedasiy

[Mapleburn15]

In your dream you keep missing him by moments because he is not for you and your heart and mind knows this already.

Happiedasiy[/QUOTE]

Thank you Happiedaisy for the insightful lines. It's such a smile explanation and yet so wise...I am grieving...I will for a long time...pity in life and in a broken relationship someone always hurts more and someone always comes out unscathed...

[Thunder Bow]

Admit to yourself that you will not be able to connect to him. I think that fact was always true. Now it is time to accept the fact and move on.