[Barn_bum]

I was attending a summer camp type thing. I was with a bunch of my friends and we kept sneaking off from the group to explore, including exploring a funeral home that was in the property. The last day, there was a graduation celebration. My family was invited out to dinner with my friend Andrea and her family, who were a very welcoming. The family I babysat for attended, they were very loud and embarrassing. Afterwards, my parents dropped me off in the apartment I was staying in, along with Andrea, her boyfriend, and someone named Tim. Andrea and her boyfriend left for home but Tim and I were staying until the end of the week. We walked over to a rec center of sorts. My old track coach was there and he was helping me to learn how to pole vault. I was a natural when he wasn't looking but when he returned, he took away the pole and I wasn't as to do it. He got some of his star jumpers to demonstrate, then other people who were runners wanted to demonstrate, even though they didn't know what they were doing. It got chaotic and turned into a party. I was dancing with my crush, then he had me jump on his back. His sister, who happens to be my good friend, approved. After a few minutes, the lights turned on and the room got silent. One of the people in charge, someone I respected and thought of as a friend, with her young daughter announced that she was disappointed in all of us, then proceeded to say there were 2 murderers in the room, and that it was Tim and I. She ended with saying Merry Christmas. I went back to my room and swallowed a bunch of pills, then passed out. When I woke up, I was in the hospital and the woman who outted me was there. I explained that I wasn't the driver in the accident that killed my best friend, and that I had tried to tell our DD to let me call my parents to come pick us up but she kept saying she was sober. The accident almost killed me and I showed her the scar from an open heart surgery on my chest. Then I proceeded to show her the scars on my arms from other suicide attempts around the anniversary of the accident. The woman looked apologetic and said that she hadn't known but I still screamed at her to get the hell out of my room. When she didn't I called security, and told them that I needed this woman out of my room because she was the reason why I tried to kill myself.

Really nothing in this dream is true. I've never been to a camp like that, as far as I know, Andrea doesn't have a boyfriend, I don't know anyone named Tim, i have never attempted suicide, and I've never been in a car accident where alcohol has been involved. Anyone want to help interpret this for me? Thanks in advanced!

[Thunder Bow]

A dream about the process of getting mania, chaos, and depression out of your life. The dream is about your own Healing. Your heart has now healed. You had to open your heart in order to heal. Death is transformation in your case. The people in the dream are the parts of yourself that guided you in your healing. The funeral home is a place in your mind where those old dead ways are now remembered.

[MusicMike]

Hi Thunder Bow! How are you?

Barn_bum, are you female or male? Can you say something about what is going on in your life right now? What are significant feelings and events that are going on?

[Barn_bum]

Thank you so much for the input Thunder Bow!

Mike1127, I am a female. I graduated from college last May, but before I could find a job, 8 months ago I was in a car accident and I suffered a back injury. 2 weeks ago I was told that it's as healed as it's ever going to be. I'm frustrated but still determined to follow my dreams to become an army surgeon. At the moment, I'm currently preparing my resume and starting the job search. The night I had the dream, I was feeling guilty because one of the boys that I nanny for got in trouble for not calling his parents when he got home and I felt partially responsible for not reminding him to do so. I think that just about covers everything!

[MusicMike]

Barn_bum,

Here are some of my thoughts. You say that almost nothing was true, but there is a lot in here that's in your life. Like babysitting for someone, open heart surgery (your desire to become a surgeon), recent graduation.

Like Thunder Bow, I tend to see characters in dreams as representing parts of yourself. For instance, Tim is a part of yourself who has these characteristics--most obviously, being masculine, but perhaps you could say more about your associations to Tim (anything you can remember about his personality).

Death is present both in the funeral home and the suicide attempts (and the accusations of murder).

My feeling is that a lot of this is about your attempts to transform yourself. My thoughts about the pole vaulting are first to notice that you can do it only when the coach isn't looking. I've often encountered in myself this idea that looking too closely at something, thinking too much, analyzing too much, etc. can kill the spontaneity and the ability. What do you associate to pole vaulting? How might that match up to something in your life right now that you want to succeed at doing?

My feeling is that the kid you are babysitting in the dream, and the one in real life, are associated with your own childhood. Your feelings around these kids have something to do with your feelings about being a child in your family, and about the dynamics of the inner family you carry with you. Note that the family of the kid is loud and embarrassing, suggesting that the feelings and thoughts you have associated to childhood are intrusive and make you feel embarrassed. Perhaps in some way in your life you have acted like a child at times and this embarrasses you.

My feeling is that the suicide attempt speaks something about your attempts to transform yourself. In some way, perhaps unconsciously, you are striving to change. It's possible (this is for you to say) that you have a desire to kill off the undesirable qualities in yourself. Also since you want to be a surgeon, it might be that you are operating on yourself.

And there is ambivalence in you about this attempt, as part of you accuses you of being a murderer. There is, perhaps, a lot of self-blame (the woman who accuses you). You say she is the very reason you want to commit suicide, so whatever this woman represents, she is an undesirable quality that you don't want in yourself and perhaps are striving to get rid of.

My thought about self-transformation is that in your life you might need to bring more acceptance of the diferent parts of yourself---that may be a more wholesome way to transform, and these different parts start to lose their power (their power to embarrass you for instance) as you accept and integrate them.

I hope that helps, and feel free to ask questions or provide more associations.

Mike

[Barn_bum]

Wow thank you so much Mike, I really appreciate the amazing insight!! The connections you've made are absolutely spot on!

I don't remember too much about Tim, other than him just being present in the dream. From what I can recall, though, he was loud and friendly, and kind of thug-like. When he was accused of murder, he didn't seem surprised nor did he really seem to care.

I think the pole vaulting probably compares to my MCATs. I have taken them several times, and have studied my butt off, but my actual scores are never as good my practice tests, which is so incredibly frustrating. This last time around, I was 1 point short of my goal score.

As for childlike behaviors, because of my accident, I've had to remain living at home and depending on my parents for just about everything. I'm incredibly independent, and so for me, it's very embarrassing that I've had to move back home, even though I know it's totally normal to do so and I had a good reason for doing it.

I'm not too terribly sure what quality I'm trying to "kill" but if I had to guess, it would probably be how inconfidant and self-conscious I am. I tend to get very awkward around people, especially in large groups, and I've always hated that. But, I think this requires a little more self-reflection.

Again, thank you so much!! You've given me a lot to think about, and I really appreciate it!!!

[MusicMike]

You're welcome. Now that you mention you feel shy around groups of people, it's interesting to note that it's a party of a large group of people that happens in the dream just before you and Tim are accused of being murderers. Also you say Tim is friendly and doesn't care about the accusations. He might represent some quality you are trying to bring more of into your life, as he is resistant to self-blame and might enjoy being around people more than you, the ego, do.

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with the effects of the car accident. What sort of limitation or pain does it bring? There might be something in here about how you are relating to that experience.

Mike