Another dream

-One dream I can't remember very well that left me up at one in the morning and scared even though I took my anti-anxiety meds.

-The parts I do remember include one production of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child with a new Dark Lady rising in the void that Voldemort left. That one being, in particular, Rose Weasley. (So basically me trying to fuse The Force Awakens with Harry Potter) Also involved my brother trying to trick me into seeing some sort of...legacy thing with jewelry and such, except for some reason it was 2008 and it ended up on one of those fandom drama sites. And I was naked/half-naked, waiting on the bed and falling for one of his pranks. There was also me trying to make a genderflipped cast (which I like doing) for the Star Wars Expanded Universe that involved Adam Driver (who plays Kylo Ren) as the assassin-turned-good-guy Mara Jade. And then there was one of those Harry Potter books vs. movies things.

"Cursed child" - reminds me of the recurring troubled/mistreated youth theme...
"Dark lady" - could be a latent anxiety regarding what you could become at the end of this journey...

"naked/half-naked" - vulnerability, which could be more latent from the journey process (the fresh layers like we talked about before)

The gender-flipped could also source from- the horse character from the previous dream, since anima/animus is always the opposite gender traits.

-->What part of the dream created the fear reaction???

Yeah. It is the name of a play that's coming out that my mom's looking forward to (she's a Harry Potter fan. I remember being a Harry Potter fan when I was a kid, even writing some stories for it which...weren't very good, admittedly) but there's also the matter of the whole troubled/mistreated youth thing. Mostly at the hands of school teachers. And yeah, I admit there are times when I'm not sure where I'm going. I know my family probably perceives me as being some sort of monster. I know that one of those things Mom talks about was how I was kind of a monster at seventeen years old, when I was really just going through a lot of crap. I wasn't a monster; I was really just a scared kid. Just like I wasn't the bad demon child some of my teachers saw me as -- I was just a child with learning difficulties and such. I wasn't a bad child. And what I'm going through now -- I'm not a bad person. I know that in one argument I had with my dad over something really freaking trivial, he pulled the "we do so much for you" card. But honestly? They're not doing anything for me now; they're not comforting me, they're not acknowledging that I'm at least in a lot of emotional distress, they're pressuring me to basically just shut up...they're just terrible. I hate them.

Yeah. I do remember discussing the locked-outside thing with my brother, and he did say not to worry about it too much. I think he may be right, as my therapist said that it's over and I never have to see these people again. Thank God.

Yeah. Maybe there are certain masculine traits I need to acknowledge in myself? And I don't remember the part that caused the fear reaction, unfortunately -- I think my brain blocked it out.

WOW! Too much TV, fantasy, fiction books... go outside for a walk and check out nature... tc (((hugs)))

*Hugs*

Thanks! Honestly, I haven't really been doing much of the fiction thing -- honestly, I wish -- I think my brain's got a lot of junk in it that it needs to clean out. But yeah, I think outside could actually be a good escape for me. It helps that the weather's getting better (thank God).

There seems to be much Drama in that real life situation I was talking about in your other dream.

Yeah. Honestly, my family...they're not my family. They're just people I happen to be related to. I know it definitely sounds drastic to say on my part, but they've turned on me, they said I couldn't talk to an old family friend just because she had bipolar disorder, they try and act like I'm the bad guy just because I'm going through a rough patch (then again, what do they know about rough patches? They've probably never had them in their lives), they creepily watched me like hawks until I told them to cut it out...they probably care more about me keeping my mouth shut and just blindly going along with things than actually helping me. My mom even went into a whining fit just because I spent a lot of time with a good friend's family and called me weak for having mental health issues (because she doesn't know anything about mental health and I don't think she wants to because she prefers to have her head in the sand most of the time) and my aunt and dad currently think I'm the Devil just because I'm hypersensitive to being touched by certain people at the moment. Honestly, the Internet, my therapist, and my friends have been more of a family than my biological family is at the moment. I don't think my biological family deserves to be called my family right now.

*Sighs*

I'm sorry -- I've just got a lot of anger in me right now. I really do despise these people and I hope I can move out soon and never have to see them again. I'll probably be ecstatic if I never have to see them again, and I know the feeling will be mutual on their part.