Bad Dreams

Bad dreams:

-Yelling at two people in my sleep. I think I wouldn't be surprised if people down the hall heard me yelling. One was at somebody I'd had issues with in 2013 after she was off doing something similar to the stuff that made me start to dislike her as early as 2011 -- basically, picking on someone else for stuff she's also guilty of, treating them like an outcast. It was something that she and her group did -- choosing one guy (and granted, I was mostly out of the loop for the stuff he did, but she and her community seemed to pick on him because he represented everything that they hated in the world at large) and calling him all sorts of things with zero evidence just because he was male (they were...pretty big manhaters. They seemed to think all men were out to get them). Only this time the person they were picking on was female. I was basically yelling at her again, sort of unloading all my anger onto her. The other was Snape (another part of the dream was just a lot of Harry Potter fanfic plots, most of them just based on stuff I read earlier in the year). Though there were better parts of the dream, like me meeting a new friend, though there was also the rush to complete certain writing projects.

-Some stuff involving Star Trek Into Darkness, Star Trek Beyond, and



This is the most I can remember. Considering I haven't watched any of the stuff or read any of the stuff brought up in my dream for a long, long time, and the inclusion of someone who used to be in my life (and the yelling), I think it's safe to say that there's some stuff that hasn't been dealt with yet.

Anger can be self consuming.

So you're telling me not to torture myself with it anymore. I think you're very right. It's kind of eaten at me ever since three years ago. It doesn't help that I actually feel guilty for getting angry at the person in question because she kind of acted like it was all because of social justice. (Which I am for, just not her version of it) She was just an awful woman, constantly angry herself over a web video -- it really does take reminding myself of what exactly she did to realize none of it was acceptable. (Then again...maybe it was and I was just too naive to notice? I guess it doesn't help that...well, to be honest, I am pretty nervous in this political climate nowadays. And pretty cynical. I think it's why I feel alone and crazy sometimes. Well, one of many reasons)

I guess the odd thing is since I started doing all this work and such, it's kind of uncovered stuff that was the reason for me doing this work in the first place. I guess whatever happened, I have a lot of problems and buried issues to deal with.

Because you are smart and determined to heal, you can overcome them with ease. You may have issues you are working on, but I do not think their numbers are as great as you think.

Well...thanks. I definitely needed to hear that.