[ladyrevan21]

This time, it was about a whole different memory recovery process. I dreamed about uncovering a

Possible trigger:

molestation at the hands of an uncle or a father (though honestly, the guy in question didn't look like either of them. He kind of looked like a long-haired hippie, actually, who worked in some fast food restaurant), only for others (two classmates, two I could not recognize) to pretty much force out memories against my will. It involved me looking at the faces of certain fictional monsters coming towards me -- Freddy Krueger, Darth Sion from the second Knights of the Old Republic game -- and me staring into their faces to really decipher my memories. Apparently, they were supposed to be representations of everyone who hurt me. And I had to really look up at them -- not run away, but picture them as clearly as I could in my mind, which got pretty clear. And I saw horrible things, but I think the part that really woke me up was just how horrified I was (I must have been younger in the dream, I think), how doubting, and how just not right the process was. And how violated I felt not just by the new memories, but also by the two people doing the process.

So yeah, mostly I'm just trying to calm myself down the best I can. That was a pretty nasty dream, no doubt about it.

Lady revan, (((hugs)))

[ladyrevan21]

Thanks. I feel better now -- mostly had to coax myself back to sleep, and putting on a funny movie to help me sleep definitely helped. The next dream I had was definitely weird, but it didn't leave me terrified.

[Thunder Bow]

These dreams are an important part of your healing process.

[ladyrevan21]

They are, I guess. That's why my mind keeps having them. They're kind of saying that "okay, this is bugging you, let's get it out". I think it's talking about stuff I'm not ready for, and stuff I need to reincorporate into myself. Also, I've had nightmares about Freddy Krueger (strangely, it was the newer version, not the 2010 version) since -- once again -- 2013 or so. I guess I'm wondering why my mind chose that version, and not the Englund one. I think it's because of one of the major changes in the 2010 version. And I couldn't really recognize either of the classmates in the nightmare, even though one of them did have a resemblance to one of the people who helped me reenroll. Maybe it's just a giant metaphor for me pressuring myself. Trying to force myself to remember.

I guess it's just frustrating, not remembering. I wish I could remember. But then again, I guess there's nothing I can really do about it, so I should at least focus on the stuff I'm sure of. (School trauma, etc.)

[Thunder Bow]

Remember, do not over crank on the negatives.Yes, they are there, but do not suck on them like a sour tit, or you will always feel bad about yourself and life. Just work through them and move on, as you should.

[ladyrevan21]

Thank you. Really. And it's kind of hard resolving them, but the best I can do is try. (Yeah. Definitely try)