[x123]

Over several years, I have noticed things and developed this theory. Often I wake up and it feels like nothing is good in the world. Everything is gray and colorless, and I am usually shaky and depressed all day. The apparent cause seems to be a bad dream. In one case I dreamed that the doctors were treating my father for cancer by amputating body parts until nothing was left of him. In another case I dreamed that I was tearing open my cat's rib cage with blood splattering everywhere, and I suddenly realized what I was doing and felt terrible for hurting my cat. Dreams like this cause me to be extremely depressed all day long.

However, sometimes I become lucid in my dreams, and I am aware that there are external beings controlling the script of these dreams and playing the lead roles. I think of these beings as demons or imps or something - even though I am mostly an atheist. When I'm lucid, I can watch the dream play-out, and it doesn't hurt me like it normally would. I had a lucid dream like this last night where I was delighted to see my father as I remember him when I was about 12 years old and he was in his mid 30s. I started to hug him, but then his legs shrank gradually until he was a distorted silly-looking person with normal arms and 6 inch legs looking up from the floor at me with his arm outstretched to hug. That dream would have hurt me, except that I was prepared for something like this to happen, because I was lucid and knew that this was only a demon pretending to be my father in my dream. My father's face vanished, so that I could see this was not him. The demon was a little embarrassed to be discovered, but I shrugged and smiled at the demon to tell him I was not angry.

So that's my theory. Any thoughts?

[Thunder Bow]

You are putting the cart before the horse. It your anxiety and depression that are causing your dreams. Dreams are all about our feelings. The demons are your own demons. They are parts of you.

[x123]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

You are putting the cart before the horse. It your anxiety and depression that are causing your dreams. Dreams are all about our feelings. The demons are your own demons. They are parts of you.

Thanks for the response @Thunder Bow
Your explanation is a possibility, but I suspect that these dream demons are external to me. There is no part of me that would want to hurt my cat. I have never watched scary movies. Where is this stuff coming from? When I do remember my dreams, it is like I am observing horrible things, but I feel nothing. In my dream, I might be watching acts of cannibalism and not realize that this is abnormal or disgusting. Did you ever read "The Clockwork Orange"? That is how I feel sometimes in these dreams. That is why I suspect these are external entities that are trying to cause me to be depressed with these dreams. The theme always seems to be an attack on my values.

But I know that your explanation is more acceptable to most people. It might even be true.

I know your question is for Thunderbow and Thunderbow is quite capable of answering but you're missing something important here.

Where is this stuff coming from? When I do remember my dreams, it is like I am observing horrible things, but I feel nothing. In my dream, I might be watching acts of cannibalism and not realize that this is abnormal or disgusting.

You're simultaneously saying it is you while wondering where it's coming from and blaming it on external sources. I'm sorry (actually I'm not) but there are no demons here. No gods, no angels, not even a single little pixie. There is the waking life, the dream life, and some gray places in between. These are real. I'll leave the dream interpreting to those more qualified than myself. To me, dreams are an entirely different thing than most people perceive them to be. Trust Thunderbow and Medkev if you want strict interpretations.

[x123]

Originally Posted by George H.

I know your question is for Thunderbow and Thunderbow is quite capable of answering but you're missing something important here.

You're simultaneously saying it is you while wondering where it's coming from and blaming it on external sources. I'm sorry (actually I'm not) but there are no demons here. No gods, no angels, not even a single little pixie. There is the waking life, the dream life, and some gray places in between. These are real. I'll leave the dream interpreting to those more qualified than myself. To me, dreams are an entirely different thing than most people perceive them to be. Trust Thunderbow and Medkev if you want strict interpretations.

Thanks for the response, @George H , but I don't see the inconsistency in what I was saying.
These dreams seem to be projected into my brain from an external source while I sleep for the purpose of conditioning me to accept horrible things and/or crush my belief in the goodness of life (thereby causing depression). The purpose seems to be to suck energy from the host - like leeches.

Of course that all sounds very silly, but it is what I have observed in myself. I'm just wondering if others have noticed these things too.

My brain is always thinking of possibilities like that, and sometimes these possibilities seem more likely than at other times. I honestly suspect these things are true, but of course I know that they sound silly. I was diagnosed with delusional disorder several years ago, but I think the therapist misdiagnosed. A delusional person actually believes these things, and usually the delusional person has a fixed belief. I have suspicions and theories. Sometimes I believe them more and sometimes less, and they often change. IDK

So anyway, I hope I am not just posting things to get attention or something. I am a lonely person, so that might be a factor I suppose.

It doesn't sound silly. It may be odd but that isn't silly or unusual and definitely not something any of us are going to be judgmental about. I can only speak for myself but any delusions or illusions I've ever become aware of were brought to my attention by a personal epiphany... not by someone pointing out the delusion.
I don't even pretend to be psyche literate much less a degreed professional so I can't speak to your issue or your diagnosis specifically but many of us have erroneous diagnoses, mixed diagnoses, and even as yet to be diagnosed issues.
These thoughts sound as if they are crossing the barrier between the dream world and the waking world. They are repulsive and abhorrent to you in your waking state. That's a good sign. They wouldn't be upsetting to you if you were "bad" or "evil." I don't believe in supernatural beings of any sort so to me so what you're describing sounds like a reality problem.
Can you clarify things a bit more by telling us if you are really talking about dreams or conscious thoughts or somewhere in between?

[x123]

Originally Posted by George H.

Can you clarify things a bit more by telling us if you are really talking about dreams or conscious thoughts or somewhere in between?

Thanks, @George H
Hmmm. I suspect these demons are like leeches that attach themselves to people and then manipulate the behavior of their hosts to generate more of the spiritual energies that the demons consume. They probably accomplish this by scripting dreams that slowly condition us to have the desired behaviors. For example, I had a drinking problem, and I remember waking up after one of these awful dreams, noticing a glass of bourbon balanced on the arm of the sofa where I had fallen asleep. Then I heard a disembodied voice say something (auditory hallucination to skeptics I suppose). It was the most hate-filled, chilling voice I have ever heard, and it seemed to be telling me it's name and it's purpose in my life as a taunt. The awful dream followed by hearing that voice after waking up left me very shaken and depressed.

I don't understand it all, but there is a pattern. I think these shenanigans in my dreams happen more often than I realize. I only know about it when I become lucid, and that is not too common for me.

On the other hand, I know that I should be sensible and not believe in these things. I don't know anything for certain. I juggle possibilities.

I don't know if that clarifies. Another factor in all of this is a feeling of inferiority and insignificance. I have read that delusional disorder hits people in middle age. That is when people have the mid-life crisis. The delusions make that person feel significant. If the CIA is monitoring a person, then that person must be important. (I am almost 50 so that fits.) So if I could develop my social life so that I feel value in more normal ways then I suspect the delusional thoughts would no longer be needed and diminish. I have also found that these ideas go away when I get more rest.

I think mostly I am o.k. I suspect my psychological issues are sort of a perverted way to make conversation and draw attention to myself. I need to start thinking of myself as mentally well instead of mentally ill, and I need to stop saying silly things. I am working on it.

[Thunder Bow]

It is not that you want to attack you cat litterally, or eat other people litterally. What is going on, is that you may be attacking Yourself. The demons may represent your anger, that you may have about yourself. They are not external but are internal. The demons may be supresesd feelings of anger.

Originally Posted by x123

Thanks, @George H
Hmmm. I suspect these demons are like leeches that attach themselves to people and then manipulate the behavior of their hosts to generate more of the spiritual energies that the demons consume. They probably accomplish this by scripting dreams that slowly condition us to have the desired behaviors. For example, I had a drinking problem, and I remember waking up after one of these awful dreams, noticing a glass of bourbon balanced on the arm of the sofa where I had fallen asleep. Then I heard a disembodied voice say something (auditory hallucination to skeptics I suppose). It was the most hate-filled, chilling voice I have ever heard, and it seemed to be telling me it's name and it's purpose in my life as a taunt. The awful dream followed by hearing that voice after waking up left me very shaken and depressed.

I don't understand it all, but there is a pattern. I think these shenanigans in my dreams happen more often than I realize. I only know about it when I become lucid, and that is not too common for me.

On the other hand, I know that I should be sensible and not believe in these things. I don't know anything for certain. I juggle possibilities.

I don't know if that clarifies. Another factor in all of this is a feeling of inferiority and insignificance. I have read that delusional disorder hits people in middle age. That is when people have the mid-life crisis. The delusions make that person feel significant. If the CIA is monitoring a person, then that person must be important. (I am almost 50 so that fits.) So if I could develop my social life so that I feel value in more normal ways then I suspect the delusional thoughts would no longer be needed and diminish. I have also found that these ideas go away when I get more rest.

I think mostly I am o.k. I suspect my psychological issues are sort of a perverted way to make conversation and draw attention to myself. I need to start thinking of myself as mentally well instead of mentally ill, and I need to stop saying silly things. I am working on it.

If you think its a way to make contact or get attention it will soon get old and boring to you. There are other better ways. Human contact, socializing, whatever you want to think of it... its important but quality is better than quantity. Helping someone in need... small acts of kindness. They're strong than any demon, internal or whatever. And I agree with Thunder Bow that these are manifestations of the unconscious more than anything.
Wishing you peace and better dreams

[x123]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

It is not that you want to attack you cat litterally, or eat other people litterally. What is going on, is that you may be attacking Yourself. The demons may represent your anger, that you may have about yourself. They are not external but are internal. The demons may be supresesd feelings of anger.

Thanks, @Thunder Bow , I appreciate your idea, but it doesn't resonate with me. I suspect that reality is not what it seems. Our brains seem to be preprogrammed with a certain model of reality that "works", but this model might be completely different from reality. I suspect the demons in my dreams might be projections of real demons. I don't mean to suggest that these demons match the religious definitions, but maybe they inspired the religious definitions.

I have seen too many weird things to blithely accept metaphysical naturalism. Maybe the things I saw were hallucinations and delusions, but it is hard to be certain in every case.

So we will need to agree to disagree I guess

[x123]

Originally Posted by George H.

If you think its a way to make contact or get attention it will soon get old and boring to you. There are other better ways. Human contact, socializing, whatever you want to think of it... its important but quality is better than quantity. Helping someone in need... small acts of kindness. They're strong than any demon, internal or whatever. And I agree with Thunder Bow that these are manifestations of the unconscious more than anything.
Wishing you peace and better dreams

Thanks, @George H That inspires me to go down the road and buy some stuff at Target. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it gets me outside and around other people a little bit.