Can't tell the difference anymore.

TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING.

It's me again.
And I'm just tired.
I'm tired of killing people-I'm probably at the six digit mark.
I'm tired of ****ing dying-I've gone out in almost any way you can imagine. I've been shot, blown to bits, impaled, drowned, seen someone hung by their intestines and barely avoided the same fate, I've seen family members I barely give a **** about be shot point blank with a .50, got thrown out of a building by dream characters I thought friendly, got ****ing nuked, saw my friends be shot by my ex-friends, killed my ex-friends, shot with a ****ing AAA in the chest, barely avoided being dropped into a gas giant, went through some pretty horrible monsters, got killed over and over by the monsters, got eaten by bug swarm, "Covered a retreat", and what many more.
It always feels so REAL. I can't tell the difference. Ever.

So, tonight, I decided to do something about it.
For the first time, I killed myself.
I killed myself three times.
I telefragged my neck into a solar panel covered in cobwebs. Everything went red, and then black.
And then I "respawned".
So I did it twice more.
Do you know how much it ****ing hurts?
I woke up mad. I was almost in the troubled fetal position.
How can I make my dreams less real?
No, the only help I have is one person I can trust, my friend.
Cheers.

There are probably monsters and gas giants in your real life. You are probably feeling under attack in a real life situation. Best to do a reality check on your waking life.

Monsters? Figuratively. Altough I used to hallucinate zombies as a kid and monsters all up to age 13...
What do you mean by gas giants?
Under attack=School. I was bullied for like four years in primary. I have very few real friends there-just the people I can trust.
I'll try the checks, thanks.
Thanks for always replying to these rant threads of mine, Thunderbow.

The Bully is the gas giant, all they do is emit hot air and other toxic gasses.

Ooohhh, I get it now. Thanks!

I didn't know one could dream of dying, as in not see yourself die or be hurt, but be actually deceased from a 1st person view. Or do you always wake up just as you are being killed ?

Sometimes. Not always tough. Sometimes I "respawn".

...too much FPS

Not at all. I prefer something more constructive. I used the term respawn as an analogy, and also because I posted at 5:45 AM.

No worries mate!
Besides, there is no such thing as too much FPS...

Politicians are full of hot air. All they do is rob Peter to pay Paul. Wolf in sheep's clothing

Holy.
****ing.
****.
She's back! She's back!

I'll tell you about it tomorrow, after I've calmed down.