[bptoo]

If you have low self-esteem, do you feel that it's because of your opinion of yourself, or your concern over the way other people perceive you?

I know that what other people think of me has a lot to do with where my self-esteem lies at the time.

Wondering what some of the rest of you think?

Thanks,
Greg

[Bjork]

Most of my self esteem comes from what others think of me. I'm constantly looking for others approval, and I usually don't get it , or it blows up in my face somehow. I don't think much of myself , and hearing others say the same things about me just confirms it, so I take their words for it.

Bjork

[Nerak]

My opinion of me affects my self esteem more than what I think others are thinking of me.

[nothemama8]

Usually from what others think of me, here on the forum I have acceptence and no fear, in my community where I live I'm under a magnifing glass cuz being a MH consumer and running a MH support center the Aervice providers are constently waiting for me to make a mistake most the time with support from here and my group I can keep up with their crap, but if I'm having a rough day I flop
Angie

[Fuzzybear]

My low self esteem is because of negative and abusive messages from my childhood.... and from neglect and deceit.

How others perceive me does have an impact on my self esteem..... IF I respect them.

The perception that "authority figures" and people who use and abuse "power" have of me SOMETIMES has some impact on my self esteem..... even if I don't respect them There is an obvious "transference" connection here...... from my childhood

But my internal self has a much greater impact on my self esteem and how I feel.

I hope this helps,
Bearhugs,
Fuzzy

[Wants2Fly]

Interesting question, Bptoo. Too early in the morning for me to think too deeply about it though.

[SeptemberMorn]

That's why we run into trouble, because we rely on what others think of us. If we take a good, long, hard look inward and recognize our own strengths and qualitites, then what others think of us doesn't matter nearly as much.

It's like a story my husband told me... and I don't mean to sound prejudiced in the least, it's just a story I know and makes the problem stand out clearly:

A college teacher, in a Black Culture class, asked a large black male in a class what he would do if someone called him a "N****". He said he'd beat the crap out of the person. He asked a young black female what she would do. She said "Nothing, because it wouldn't bother me." When the teacher asked her why, she said "It wouldn't bother me because I know who I am. All that person is doing is telling me who they are." Or as Beauty in the "I" says, they are telling me something about THEMSELVES.

We can choose to believe what others tell us about ourselves or we can discard it. Whenever I get a critisizm, it hurts, but when the sting subsides, I give the critisizm serious thought to see if there is any truth to it. If there is, then I try to stay aware of the behavior and slowly work on changing it. If I decide that there was very little or no truth to the critisizm, I forget it. I was once called "self-righteous." When I examined it, it was my firm stand on my own convictions that was being attacked. I happen to be proud of my convictions and will defend them when they are challenged. If you want to call me "self-righteous," then so be it.

[darkeyes]

I think it is a little bit of both, when my self-esteem is on a low, but mainly my beating up (not literally) myself when I can't achieve things as perfect as I want
Then I have to step back and remind myself I gave it my best, and like the old saying goes, "nobody is perfect", doing this then helps me to be less hard on myself, and others.
This approach takes time and thought, so sometimes there comes a delay on responding to my own feelings and others.
Patience, may be a better word.
Take care,
DE


That was a good question for this new forum

[Isolated_Guy]

Mine is mainly the result of how others treat me.

It's the old chicken and egg question.

Or a little of both?

I honestly think those with higher self esteem were accepted by others first. Then came the self acceptance.

[darkeyes]

That is an excellent point.

Take care,
DE

[Isolated_Guy]

Thanks, Darkeyes.

I was getting the feeling once again that I'm invisible.

It's nice to be noticed even if most all people here don't care much for my presence.

I've never been one to pretend.

[Eva1nder]

This is an interesting question because I feel like I have two different answers that completely confilict.

Growing up I can remember being really picked on and feeling really insecure amongst some of my peers. Wanting to fit in. As I got older ...in my teens and up as I did fit in I became even more insecure, but appeared incredibly strong. I appeared to be an outgoing, life of the party, smart and pretty young woman, but on the inside I felt like I couldn't measure up.

Especially to the people that seemed to matter and the interesting thing all during that time I would sometimes become rebelious against this "low self esteem battle" and who I felt was making me feel that way.

Today, I'm more painfully insecure then ever to the point that I couldn't even do certain things and then when I'm more mentally stronger, I would be more inclined to get irritated and say "F*** it in my head and push to do something and actually get irritated.

Sorry this is so long winded, but you tell me?...lol

[darkeyes]

Oh, people care

Take care,

DE

[h0kie]

It's a little of both for me Greg. I worry what other people think of me...therefore, when I feel they think badly about me, my opinion of myself drops.

It's not so much that I feel like people don't like me. Its usually more me feeling inferior or like a doormat. I try so hard to be liked...people take advantage. It happens everywhere...even here.

Good thread. Thanks for making me think.

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I try so hard to be liked...people take advantage.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'm sorry, Hun. There's an awful lot of people that will take advantage of you when you try to please. Not sure if they do it on purpose, but just think that you don't mind extending yourself. I don't know.

You know about my neighbor, right, that is always asking for something? It doesn't take me too long to start feeling resentful so I try to stay ahead of him and tell him, "Ok, that's enough. You need to start taking care of yourself now." He'll stay away for a couple of days, but he'll be back asking for something. He's one of the ones that doesn't get it.

[bptoo]

Wow gang,

Alot of very interesting and insightful replies here. I found myself really relating to the comment about being taken advantage of when trying to please everyone. There is a woman where I work who does this. When I first started, she came to me with an emergency, and I put all my other work aside to help her out. Now she comes to me all the time asking that I push my other responsibilities aside to help her first. I've had to set limitations with her, telling her that I have to set priorities, and that I'll help her as soon as I can. I feel good that I've done that, but I also worry about what she thinks of me.

That being said, I think my self-esteem depends on the opinion of others more than what I think of myself.

Thanks all for the great feedback! You're all pretty wonderful in my eyes!

Love to all,
Greg

[nothemama8]

Look who's talkin about pretty wonderful people , glad your still here

[Fuzzybear]

We are ALL wonderful here

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((Me)))))))))))))))

more hugs, fuzzy, from me and my beasties...

[SeptemberMorn]

LOL Don't strain yourself. Here's more from me.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BearFuzz}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FuzzyBear}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FuzzBall}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You're so cute!!

[bptoo]

More hugs for the Bear...

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bear)))))))))))))))))))))))))))



Love Ya,
Greg