[Tierra]

I don't understand the way I've been feeling lately. I feel like I need to change the person that I am but its hard when your used to being the same way all of your life. I feel like I have so many bad qualities about myself and I'm not happy with myself but I don't know where to start. I'm selfish, inconsiderate, ungrateful, mean at times, and I'm just starting to realize these things about myself but the more I do, the more I start to hate myself. Where do I begin???

[VickiesPath]

Tierra...I am new here and don't know how to read your profile and so I don't know anything about you except for your name. But, I am 56 years old and often feel the way you do. One quick way to get back on the road to rational thinking is to make a list of your good qualities. However, I recently completed five weeks of outpatient mental health care and one of the exercises helped tremendously. We each had to write down a reason that no one would want to be our friend. After we did that, they were listed, anonymously on the white board. The therapist explained that every single thing that was written (selfish, inconsiderate, ungrateful, mean, etc.) were qualities that each one of us have at one time or another but never all of them all the time, all at once. The point is, we are human beings. And I am sure that if you took a really hard, HARD look at yourself, you would find many, many good qualities as well. All you have been going through is a maturing process. Sooner or later (some later than sooner!) we all reflect on our lives and realize how imperfect we are as human beings. Have you ever met your inner child? I'm sure you've heard about that. I met mine almost twenty years ago. Whenever I hurt or am feeling truly down on myself, I turn to that child within me and ask her what is hurting. Almost always it is something connected to her. An author and psychologist Nathanial Brandon did an audio series called "The Psychology of High Self Esteem". He uses guided imagry/regression therapy to take the listener back through their life. I listened to the series of cassette tapes several times before I met my inner child. I'm sure there are other ways to connect with yours. If you could somehow manage to meet yours, it would make it truly difficult to hate yourself, but you could still lovingly work on the habits you want to change. I hope you feel better soon.

[Rmdctc]

I hope things get better for you soon!

[Perna]

Vicki is right; you have to make friends with "yourself" and get to know yourself better. We don't say about or treat others as badly as we do ourselves, decide to be friends with yourself and get to know ALL of you.