[seekinghappiness]

it is very elusive that's for sure. i have no self esteem and am very insecure with myself. i simply do not like myself at all. this forum is titled "steps to better self-esteem". what are the steps? where on earth do i start on my quest to find it? anyone have any suggestions?

Hello, seekinghappiness. Go here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=9735

How are you doing, seekinghappiness?

[seekinghappiness]

hey byz,

i'm hanging in here still fighting the good fight. thanks for asking. also still trying to find an ounce of self-esteem. thank u for the link. how r u?

I am hanging and fighting too.

Do you know why you feel insecure? What would you change about yourself?

[Perna]

Here you go, seekinghappiness, five good steps to work with:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/mh00129

Do you have a therapist you work with? Self esteem can be helped with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Here's a workbook that looks good: http://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Wo.../dp/1572242523

[seekinghappiness]

hey byz,

i think my insecurities came from failed relationships. just feel like i wasn't good enough to keep those people around. i would change so much about myself. there's not much that i wouldn't change. i used to be so confident, assertive and outgoing before the bouts of depression hit. i am the total opposite now. this illness has really changed me. i am so introverted and feel worthless. i want the old me back but feel that's an unreachable goal. do u have self-esteem issues?

[seekinghappiness]

hi perna,

thank u for responding and thank u for the links. the first one had some very good advice. the workbook looks like it could be helpful. i have tried cbt in the past but didn't really give it a good go. i have several books from the library on self-esteem and depression. most of them utilize cbt. it just doesn't seem to be working for me. i was reading one book called '10 days to self-esteem' and it actually made me feel worse about myself. it brought all the negative thinking to the forefront and i had a very bad day. it's very difficult to change my negative thinking and negative view of myself. i can find evidence against my negative thoughts but i just can't bring myself to believe them. i am in therapy and my doc is using a couple of different kinds of therapies...cbt and psychodynamic so far. it's slow going but i'm going to give it an honest shot. i have got to do something or i'm just going to be miserable for the rest of my life. do u have self-esteem issues?

[msears]

Hi seekinghappiness,

I read your post about self esteem and my heart goes out to you because I suffered with low self esteem for many years. I struggled with who I was and who I wasn't. I couldn't seem to get out of my rut. Then one day I found this course entitled The Psychology of Achievement by Brian Tracy.

I found it at a Good Will store and my life has never been the same. Seriously seekinghappiness in order to build your self esteem you need to build a deep, loving relationship with yourself. You need to love and accept yourself completely for who you are right now and your life with change.

I put together a website just to address self esteem. So I hope it gives you inspiration to build your own self esteem. And to know that it can happen. I went from no self esteem at all to putting together information for others to do the same.

I cannot post it here because I am a new user so if you would like the link just send me an email.
Michelle

[kitten16]

Seekinghappiness, I'm in your same boat...

BTW, not pertinent but -- I'm rejoicing that you spelled elusive correctly! Little things make me happy!

I have miserable self-esteem...I think it's one of the most intractable problems in therapy. I've never had a therapist who has even come close to being able to help me with it. It's not something I even expect help with anymore. It is so dyed-in-the-wool, you know? And I don't think very much is known about lack of self-esteem, although so much has been written about it.

I've wondered if it would be possible to be happy without addressing it, but I don't think so. It's fundamental.

Crappy or chaotic parenting is responsible for most of this stuff...What was it Freud said, a man whose mother adored him would be invulnerable for life (or something like that). So what about the rest of us? (LOL)

Just thinking out loud and commiserating with you...I'll post again if I have more ideas. Thanks for the thread!

Originally Posted by seekinghappiness

it is very elusive that's for sure. i have no self esteem and am very insecure with myself. i simply do not like myself at all. this forum is titled "steps to better self-esteem". what are the steps? where on earth do i start on my quest to find it? anyone have any suggestions?

[chynnagirl]

Reading all your posts, my heart goes out to you.

Have you tried a group atmostphere yet? Thats what it took for me to start thinking more positively about myself. We dished the negative feelings we had about ourselves first, then moved to the positive things. It might be something to look into?

Good luck, keep us posted!

[seekinghappiness]

hi michelle,

thanks for responding to my post. i am glad to hear that u have overcome your self-esteem issues. how blessed u are. i can only dream of overcoming mine. how on earth can i learn to love myself when i don't even like myself. i'll give your website a try. i will pm u. thanks again.

[seekinghappiness]

hey kitten,

thanks for responding. i'm glad i could make u happy by spellling correctly!
i'm sorry u too suffer from low self-esteem. it's a terrible thing isn't it? i, too, have come to expect that it will be with me always. i'm working on it in therapy but it's slow going. no, i don't think it would be possible to be happy without it. mine didn't come from bad parenting. my parents were wonderful and still are. i think mine came from failed relationships. hopefully we will come across something to help us overcome this issue. good luck to u!

[seekinghappiness]

Originally Posted by chynnagirl

Reading all your posts, my heart goes out to you.

Have you tried a group atmostphere yet? Thats what it took for me to start thinking more positively about myself. We dished the negative feelings we had about ourselves first, then moved to the positive things. It might be something to look into?

Good luck, keep us posted!

hi chynna,

thank u for responding. yes, i am giving the group thing a try. i've only been once so far. hopefully i will retain the courage to keep attending. it was a big step for me. i don't care for social situations but i'm willing to do what it takes for me to overcome my issues. glad to hear that u are dealing with your self-esteem issues in a positive way. good luck to u and thanks again!