[himynameistim]

My name is tim,

I am 31, and life kinda never realy moved forward for me, (rather i did notmove it forward), it more zigs and zags.

I hate myself, for a multitude of reasons. All of which if someone where telling 'you,' about 'me.' Likely you would advise this person not to engage in conversation with me.

As such, I hide.

I hide who i am behind my portrayed self image.

At this point I hardly know who I am, if at all.

I find most things pointless. even those things that once meant everything to me.

These days with recent difficult events, the weight bares down heavy.

My biggest reason for never seeking treatment, ever. Is becaus eof the embarassment that everyone would feel around me.. and I am at times reminded, by me, and sometimes others, of the embarassment I have become.

As my brother says "well, it is what it is."

I embarass myself enough to where, it doesn't bother me anymore.

I find it funny, I consider myself fat, but not obese... yet the quiz on here stated so with the bmi thing.

I dont have an eating disorder.. depression just takes excersize out of the equation. so minus breaking rocks at work.. (when I can.. a long story).. i dont excersize.. i sleep too litle or too much..

well I am a mess.

tim

[Jspantiny]

Im so sorry u feel this way...i can relate however, I am not overweight...im underweight...alot underweight...im very self concious about it, embarrassed- I used to be, I dnt care anymore...im a hermit, literally. I started.having panic attack a year ago...afraid to go out cuz I could 'feel' the starring glances, hear the whispers...ive battle depression most of my life. the 1 person whom I trusted to be a friend told me 2yrs ago than I was 'a bit' heavier than he liked to see for me. Said he loved me & wanted to help me loose weight, be healthier...long story short...i lost that friend...the eatting disorder that I was 'hiding' took over my life...my mind...& ultimatley my body. The struggle is hard ...every second is cluttered with thoughts of poor self image, very little self esteem. I decided tho to to plant my on one belief or goal...decided to do something ive never before...medit at e...'tonglen' meditation...u have to find that 1 thing & plant ur feet, go forward with that...some how...the rest of life falls into place, I plan my day around the 'thing for myself...& go from ther