Talent?

So... I've been known to have many talents... singing, percussion, getting better at guitar and piano every day, art, and yet I still seem to feel like I am good at nothing.

When I sing, if I mess up, I feel like I suck.

When I play marimba I feel like I'm just no good any more.

Marimba used to be what I would do when i was feeling depressed, but now it makes me depressed too?

I feel untalented, stupid, forgetful, and ugly... I know these are lies, but telling myself that does me no good... I can't seem to shake the thought that I'm really not good at anything.

Now I wish I could just delete this... but I don't know how.

I understand what you are feeling. I think those of us who have talent compare ourselves to others. I grew up playing the paino....then in Junior high, I learned the flute & fell in love with it. I just kept getting better as some of the talent came natural.....however, when I got into college, I found out just how much better the professional flute players actually were & knew that I would never be a professional as even with 8 hours a day of practice, I just couldn't get there......but I still enjoyed playing in small chamber groups & even though I was never going to be a concert flutist, I still was able to play & people enjoyed the concerts I played in. Strange thing also, I took the piano proficiency test & played a huge piece by memory that was rather complicated.......even shocked myself to be able to do what I did at the time.

Think that sometimes we need those little things to bring back up our self-confidence in ourselves. My flute was stolen 3 years ago....the flute I had since 1973.......& couldn't afford to replace it because it had become so very expensive......I still miss playing my flute.....realize how much we miss something when we absolutely don't have it anymore.

I know that when I look at all the things that I am able to do as far as crafts, designing & making things.....I am my own worst critic. It's not until others really tell me how much they love what I make & how much I should sell the things I make do I realize that maybe I am not as untalented as I feel.

We are our own worst enemies.

(FYI.....there is a set time (think it's an hour) that we are able to edit our posts & can even delete what we have written during that time. After that point, it's necessary to PM one of the moderators or one of the co-admin here & request that a post be deleted).

Think your post is a very good one here though because I know that many people with talent think the same thing you & I feel so much of the time.

I just had a moment like that the other day. I, too, like to sing and make art. My main thing is writing. I had such a low moment the other day thinking I was a horrible hack and just writing the worst kind of garbage imaginable. It's really hard to think the one thing you're in love with doing, that you have talent at and people say you're good at...that that talent isn't real. I think that was the most depressed I have ever been when I was thinking that, so I can understand you must be feeling really low.

Try and remember, it's depression that does that to you. You're not able to look at yourself and life objectively in that head space. Once it passes, you will be able to enjoy marimba and your other talents again. You will realize your true talent.

I stopped writing for a week, and now I am able to do it again. It was being so depressed that was making me unable to enjoy what I do.

Can you call a friend or talk to somebody? Not even necessarily about this, but just to get out of your head for a while?

Best of luck, Alias.

Oh and maybe you can ask a moderator to help you delete it if you really want. I think it's a good thread, though.

I think it's a great thread too, and thanks for starting it. I've spent my life doing visual art in different media, as well as textile design, making most of my own clothes. Plenty of compliments, encouragement, and some sales were not enough to stop my constant degradation of my work, and impossible standards I'd set. It prevented me from launching a business. I was slow at everything because of the self-doubt. I cancelled teaching gigs. I was called today about teaching, and I have to force myself to go ahead with it!!

I'm teaching myself mandolin, having given up on fiddle. I was at a music party last Saturday. A large group in a circle. Everyone took a turn leading a song. I was sweating profusely, feeling terrible. Blew some of the lyrics to Blue Bayou and forgot the melody and tempo shift at the end. I beat myself up over it, and this was just a party. Low self-esteem has plagued me over a lifetime (a lot of years in my case).

I'm kind of better now. I'm really hoping I won't get all insecure again just because the weekend is over. I'm better on the weekends because I spend Friday and Saturday playing vibraphone with an indoor percussion ensemble and it's like a little family. And I'm pretty good at my music. I just hope I don't get worse during the week. BUT I think I will be good