[shezbut]

I have deeply rooted, automatic self-hate thoughts bringing me down.

I know, as an adult, I am way past the incidents that caused these negative tendencies. I am no longer in harm's way, yet I stick with blaming myself. Unable to take compliments very well. Hate the have my picture taken, and I avoid looking into mirrors. Not a healthy way to behave ~ I cannot see the "beauty" in myself that is supposedly apparent to others. I see the opposite of beauty when I look at myself!

I am just stuck. I don't know how to get out of this mode that brings me down so much. If anyone here has personal experience in turning negative self-hate thoughts around, and actually moving forward, please post back. I'd like to know that it CAN be done ~ and need to know HOW.

Thank you very much!

[hugs46]

Hi!
Have you ever done inner child healing? Try it. Coming to the realization that what you heard or didn't hear as a child might help you to understand why you beat yourself up and then learn to heal.
Go to iloveu.com/psych/innerchild1.htm. I wish you the best.

[Gus1234U]

i have had good results with meditation, calm abiding and focused meditations,, and i use a techno-therapy called CenterPointe, which helps the brain to rebalance. maybe one of these would suit you,, best wishes,, Gus

[ladyjrnlist]

Talk back to them. Not nessarily aloud, but in your head. When the thought comes, say something like "no, that's not true, I am a wonderful, beautiful person" After a while, the positive talk becomes automatic thoughts as well.

[shezbut]

ladyjrnlist,

You actually begin to believe those positive thoughts after a while?? Hard to believe. Kudos to you for being able to say and amazingly begin believing the positive words you've said for yourself!!

[shezbut]

hugs46,

No, I haven't let my inner child heal.

I feel very strange using words like these, on edge is a better term for my emotions. Uncomfortable with the concept of having an inner child.

Know what I mean? Maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm wigged out for nothing. I do know that I have always squelched any child-like behavior or activity I've seen within myself.

[MissMay1977]

The way I deal with automatic thoughts is to pick out the cognitive distortions in them and than reframe the thought into a more postive thought. It takes practice but it works.

[Perna]

I would try the "fake it until you make it" mode. When you look in a mirror, you think negative thoughts; change the behavior, deliberately seek out and look in mirrors (certain times of day) and smile at yourself and greet yourself kindly, as if you were looking at a friend.

You treat yourself badly but are wishing you felt a certain way, saw what others see, etc. The only thing you can control (we cannot control our thoughts or feelings!) is your behavior. Just decide you are a friend (do you care if your friends are "ugly"? No, they're your friends and you let them be who they are; give yourself the same right) and treat yourself accordingly.

If that seems too hard, start with thinking of yourself as a younger sibling your parents make you cart around with you and look after? You don't like it, resent that you are stuck with her but she's your little sister so you do as you are asked; the family connection and whole remembering-what-it-was-like to be her age thing, making it bearable and even, secretly, agreeable because you have it in your power to help make her life better/happier.

[lavieenrose]

Has therapy not worked for you, Shezbut? It does take a lot of work and consistent repetition of a new habit to plant it more deeply in the psyche, I think. Sometimes, the "fake it til you make it" strategy has worked for me, and visualizing as clearly as possible what I want to be feeling or doing. Meditation has also helped me to recognize more quickly and clearly what thoughts were going through my mind, and it gave me more detachment from the thoughts, less identification with them. I hope you find something that helps.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

Has therapy not worked for you, Shezbut? It does take a lot of work and consistent repetition of a new habit to plant it more deeply in the psyche, I think. Sometimes, the "fake it til you make it" strategy has worked for me, and visualizing as clearly as possible what I want to be feeling or doing...

lavieenrose,

Therapy has been a very long road for me. Not that it hasn't worked, it has in short-term situations (in the past).

After many, many years of therapy I'm finally beginning to work upon my core issues and ideals. I've been holding onto this self-hate and shame for 35 years. I still have physical imperfections that I can't ever afford to fix (teeth)...the last thing I want to see, looking in the mirror, is my ugly smile. Or my rosacea.

I should "practice what I preach". I know. I just can't look into the mirror without attacking myself. Maybe extreme?? I don't know.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by MissMay1977

The way I deal with automatic thoughts is to pick out the cognitive distortions in them and than reframe the thought into a more postive thought. It takes practice but it works.

Could you give me an example of automatic thoughts that you've been able to reframe, MissMay 1977?

Thanks!

http://selfpromotionforintroverts.co...e-cheap-seats/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...ly-quick-trick
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...lf-talk-behind

[shezbut]

Thank you for those links, Byz!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by shezbut

I have deeply rooted, automatic self-hate thoughts bringing me down.

I know, as an adult, I am way past the incidents that caused these negative tendencies. I am no longer in harm's way, yet I stick with blaming myself. Unable to take compliments very well. Hate the have my picture taken, and I avoid looking into mirrors. Not a healthy way to behave ~ I cannot see the "beauty" in myself that is supposedly apparent to others. I see the opposite of beauty when I look at myself!

I am just stuck. I don't know how to get out of this mode that brings me down so much. If anyone here has personal experience in turning negative self-hate thoughts around, and actually moving forward, please post back. I'd like to know that it CAN be done ~ and need to know HOW.

Thank you very much!

this is a good topic.

I still need to work on it too.

Billi

[Sunna]

Thank you for this thread and all the advice. I have negative automatic thoughts too, and having a hard time un-training them.

[annege42]

I am the same way too, and I think it has to do with childhood experiences. I came from a very dysfunctional family where there was only criticism and insults. There was no nurturing at all. Both my parents worked and we always had babysitters. I think we internalize things that were said to us as children and then we verbally abuse ourselves. Because I never felt loved and accepted as a child I grew to hate myself--everything about myself and still do today. I think you have to listen to an audiotape of self affirmations. I was reading some info about reprogramming the subconscious mind. YOu have to substiute the negative thoughts with positive ones.
I hope this helps a little.

[lavieenrose]

I hope that I didn't sound glib in my earlier post. Changing those ancient negative tapes are still extremely hard for me. I feel stuck and discouraged most of the time. It seems to require constant repetition of the newer, healthier thinking, and I often don't remember to do that, or resist doing the work, which feels taxing to my sluggish brain.

[OneRiffTooMany]

I have a self sabotage mechanism and I hate it, I am over playing through possible scenarios in my head, kicking myself in the gut when Im already down.
I dont really know what I suffer with, but getting out of the house is a good remedy for me, Ive been feeling significantly better over the the last few months, but Ive had a few days when I wont allow myself outdoors, But Im working on that.
good luck with it

[lavieenrose]

I'm caught in a spin right now, and I'm trying to tell myself not to listen to my thoughts. Just looked at a listing of local community events and the automatic thought is nothing seems interesting...I'll stay home and isolate...my friends will drift away...thoughts of dread of upcoming work commitments...thoughts that I'll never meet a loving man...etc. etc. I hate my mind! All I can do is try to not be drawn in, and to replace the thoughts with more positive, rational ones, but sometimes it rings hollow. I sometimes wish I could have brain surgery.