i have ZERO slef esteem

OK, I have no self esteem. Or as one friend put it, 'negative self esteem'' or 'negative confidence''. If your wondering what that means, it means that I have lower then average self esteem. These days I just can't shake the feeling of total self worthlessness(is that even a word?), I just don't feel like IM good at anything. I used to be really into writing but iv even feel worthless at that now. The writing thing really upsets me because for years that was basically the only thing that iv ever felt confident in, but after people people online and my speech teacher started criticizing my not-so-good grammar, I just kind of gave up on writing.
I really feel like IM completely worthless. IM not just exaggerating that. I FEEL COMPLETELY WORTHLESS!. IM not good when it comes to school work, IM ugly , my grammar sucks, I can't do anything right. Here's a list of words that come to mind when I think of myself.

1. Worthless
2.fat
3.disgusting
4. Desperate
5.trash
6.dumbass
7.filthy
8.retreaed

and here's a list of things I find wrong with my appearance.

1.fat stomach
2. Pimply face
2. Really frizzy hair
3.disgusting genitals
4. Huge thighs
5.bad body acne
6.acne scared body
7.fat arms
8. Fat mid section
9.boyish face
10.huge pores.

Disgusting, huh. I don't know what's more disgusting , me or that fact that I can find 19 things wrong with me. So IM asking this, what could I possibly do to feel better about myself. I cannot keep going on thinking this way of myself. If I do, I'll be dead by the time IM 24.

You made a list of things there, but none of them tell me anything about who you are. You're a writer. The block will ease when you forget the list. As for critics of your writing, I'm afraid they'll always exist. That doesn't mean they're right. Feel free to disagree with those who criticise you.

There's a quote by Og Mandino, which goes:

"Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster. Your life will never be the same again."

I usually like to include myself as someone I meet everyday.

Self esteem begins with self compassion. I'm quite sure you wouldn't dream of making such a list for one of your friends, or even for me... (at least, I hope not *g*)

Good luck!

well i wouldent really call myslef a writter, more like i want to be a writer. i havent written a story in about five years. when i do even write these days ,it's mostly essays. but there mostly either about how much the world sucks or how much i hate myself. and about the list,well, when you'v been told your ugly or your stupid so many times, you really start to belive it. even when you try to tell yourslef that those things arent true. and no, i would never make up a list about every single flaw a person has . i would never intentianly hurt someone, so why do people consatantly do it too me! . i know, that sounds very whiney. but that's what i want to ask most of the people who have ever hurt me. well that last bit was slightly off topic to what i posted, sorry about that.

If people make negative comments about you, then they aren't worthy of your attention. My father always said to treat people with the same contempt they reserve for you. In practice, it's much more simple to ignore them and move on if you can. Remember they're foolishly missing out on knowing someone awesome.

Often, the kind of people who make comments about others are trying to divert attention away from their own faults, the main one usually being their capacity to display petty unreasoned malice. Who really wants to be around someone like that?

And if you're a writer, then you are. No one can tell you otherwise. You don't even need to write. If you're thinking about it, and dreaming about it, sooner or later you're going to do it. And don't fall into the trap of confusing the act of writing with success. Success is more about luck than anything else.

Charlie

I just read an article on self esteem at rd2recovery.info and wrote down some self esteem aids that seem helpful.

1. list 5 positive things other people have said about you.
2. list 5 positive things about yourself. atributes/ accoplishments
3. share a compliment with 5 other people.
4. do something unrepentantly kind for someone that you percieve to be worse off then you.

I wrote these down for myself in order to try to remember to do them.

As far as your writing goes, this is what I do:
I am an artist and there are times when I just can't paint or draw. I keep two journals, one for writing my thoughts and the other for sketching ideas, no matter how crude. I look back on those and realize that 1. they aren't that bad and 2. it is easy to see where my mood has been.
It helps me a lot to focus or to just get out random thoughts and ideas.

Try not to believe all the negative stuff, even though it is easier to believe then the negative. I'll bet there is more positive things about you then your current situation will allow you to believe.
I hope you feel better soon

paintedgoldfish