[Brighid]

I don't know why, but today has been very crazy for me. It has went from being very jolly to being very sad, to looking at my face in the mirror wanting to cry because I have a dilemma that I cannot get past. I dunno, how do you build up self-esteem when you don't know how? It truly sucks.

[**Angel**]

Do you have a couseller or therapist? To talk with and work together on building self esteem? I am so sorry you are feeling like this, Always hear for you

[Denver Dave]

Originally Posted by Brighid

I don't know why, but today has been very crazy for me. It has went from being very jolly to being very sad, to looking at my face in the mirror wanting to cry because I have a dilemma that I cannot get past. I dunno, how do you build up self-esteem when you don't know how? It truly sucks.

Try this: Say to yourself, "This is my life and I'm going to play the leading role in my life -- not a bit part."

Whatever the dilemma is, you can work it out. Sit down with a pad and a pencil, take a few deep breaths, and just brainstorm ideas. Setting aside time specifically for the issue at hand can help remove the emotional content and turn it into a problem to be solved rather than something consuming your life.

This is your life. You are not here on earth to live up to someone else's expectations.

[Brighid]

Originally Posted by Denver Dave

Try this: Say to yourself, "This is my life and I'm going to play the leading role in my life -- not a bit part."

Whatever the dilemma is, you can work it out. Sit down with a pad and a pencil, take a few deep breaths, and just brainstorm ideas. Setting aside time specifically for the issue at hand can help remove the emotional content and turn it into a problem to be solved rather than something consuming your life.

This is your life. You are not here on earth to live up to someone else's expectations.

tHANK YOU for that! I did try this today when returning home from T, went to the room upstairs, sat in the window sill and just let the air flow past my face. Took the time needed to contemplate some things, heavy things. It worked, still not exactly 'loving' myself right now.....but it'll get better.

[Denver Dave]

Originally Posted by Brighid

tHANK YOU for that! I did try this today when returning home from T, went to the room upstairs, sat in the window sill and just let the air flow past my face. Took the time needed to contemplate some things, heavy things. It worked, still not exactly 'loving' myself right now.....but it'll get better.

Great! It might also help to put notes around your home as reminders until that way of thinking becomes a way of life. It could take several weeks or even months, but it will happen with practice.

Keep us updated.

[sosadsometimes]

do what you are best at and believe in yourself . You can create something that is truely one of a kind and just you. Write, build and create something that only you can do. I had a friend who after years of self abuse, quit his job and traveled 5 states to "find himself without drugs or alcohol" After 2 years he came home a different person. He found a job in a fast food place (totally out of his league) and lived in a one room shack, met some nice people and totally changed his way of life and his perspective of life as he thought it should be. No one could believe the change in him or his ability to grasp the conflicts of his life. Hope you make out fine as for me I just may travel........

[AwakenToLife]

Originally Posted by Brighid

I don't know why, but today has been very crazy for me. It has went from being very jolly to being very sad, to looking at my face in the mirror wanting to cry because I have a dilemma that I cannot get past. I dunno, how do you build up self-esteem when you don't know how? It truly sucks.

Brighid - I hope you've been able to access some healthy coping skills since you wrote this original post.

I have a brief article about identifying levels of self-esteem that might be helpful to you. Dialectical Behavior Therapy focuses on distress tolerance and emotion regulation, which might also be helpful for you:

A healthy sense of self-esteem contributes to our overall sense of well-being in ways that extend far beyond simply “feeling good” about ourselves. While self-esteem is a generally stable concept, it can go up and down throughout our lives as circumstances such as health, occupation, and relationships change. According to The Self-Esteem Workbook (Schiraldi, 2001), self-esteem is a “realistic, appreciative opinion of oneself. Realistic means accurate and honest. Appreciative implies positive feelings and liking.”

Before we begin the process of understanding self-esteem in more depth and ultimately increasing healthy levels of self-esteem, it is important to assess where our levels of self-esteem are right now. This self-esteem checkup is from The Self-Esteem Workbook and is an excellent starting point to begin to identify where we are currently in the journey towards building self-esteem and a positive self-image.

Try reading through the following statements, rating each one on a scale from 0 – 10, with 0 indicating that totally disbelieve it, and 10 indicating that you believe it is completely true.

1. I am a worthwhile person.

2. I am just as valuable as anyone else.

3. I have the necessary qualities to live well.

4. When I look into my eyes in the mirror, I have a positive feeling.

5. I do not feel like a failure.

6. I can laugh at myself.

7. I am happy to be me.

8. I like myself, even if others reject me.

9. I love and support myself – no matter what happens.

10. Overall, I am satisfied with how I am developing as a person.

11. I respect myself.

12. I’d rather be me than anybody else.

What thoughts or feelings did you notice as you read through this statements? Were there particular statements that you more readily identified as being “completely true” than others? It is helpful to take notice of what aspects of self-esteem come more easily to us. For many people, the self-esteem related statements that are “easy” to identify with come from early messages that we received from our primary caregivers that we internalized as being “true.” Unfortunately, these early messages about our self-worth can work in the opposite way as well – if we were told that we were “failures” or “unworthy” by important adults in our lives growing up, it will take that much more work as adults to build up those parts of our self-esteem and self-worth. Take notice of where you feel like you are in this moment with your self-esteem. Work towards accepting where you are now, without judgment. In future posts, I look forward to sharing more ideas and strategies about how to begin to identify core concepts of self-esteem and actively build it within your own life.

Schiraldi, G.R. (2001). The self-esteem workbook. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Wishing you the best.