[Ms_Terious]

In the last three years I have been humiliated, jailed (on false charges, but it's on my record even though the case was dismissed), cheated, robbed, verbally abused, lied to and abandoned. As a result, I have had to compromise my ethics - my honesty and integrity - just to survive.

My last husband promised to take care of me and support me. He hasn't. He bankrupted me and put me so far in debt I can't even afford to declare bankruptcy. We got a "technical" divorce so I could get on Food Stamps and SSI, and he was supposed to keep giving me money, too. He hasn't.

Now I'm on SSI (mental disability - bi-polar), and living in a shabby, druggie-ridden trailer park, and still don't have enough money to cover all the bills. Now I have to lie to him (as he has lied to me), be nice to him, and pretend I still love him, even after I found out he has a fiancee in another town, in hopes he'll continue to throw a few bones (a little cash) my way. He's a truck driver, so he's rarely home, and keeps finding ways to keep me from finding out what he's up to. He lies about everything, but I need what little money he gives me. It so unlike me - I've never put up with this kind of treatment in my entire life - and I hate it!

My self-esteem is at an all-time low. I'm almost 57 years old and can't work. I'm on four meds for bi-polar, and they aren't working very well - I'm not really suicidal n the meds, but at times it seems like the only way out. My situstion seems hopeless. Often I am so depressed I can 't function. I put off doing anything, because it just doesn't seem worth it. My house is filthy, and many days I don't brush my hair, brush my teeth, wash my face, or even get out of my pajamas.

My friends have told me to look for a new man to take care of me, but in the state I'm in (mental, physical, and financial), I doubt many decent men would be attracted to me. I have a lousy track record with men, anyway. I always pick losers.

My friends say use my wiles to charm him into coming home more often and giving me money, but it's really hard to pretend I feel something I don't, and even harder to do what they say - it makes me feel like a *****.

Where are all those in-detail ideas on how to retrieve my self-esteem and sense of self-worth? I need help!

Thanks

mysterious, i'm sorry that you're hurting. why don't you start your own thread as your issues and other's issues are different. you could start one here or in relationships, etc. we try to keep one person in mind in each thread. love, pat

[Ms_Terious]

I just found your reply. I forgot I posted in this topic. I'm having a hard time navigating this forum.

It doesn't make any sense to me for every person to have their own thread - how does anyone get seen by a lot of people? You could spend all day looking through all the topics and threads and not find what you're looking for. It's very confusing.

How do you know when someone else is dealing with a similar issue? I'd like to see what others are doing, and have them see my posts. If we all only go to our own threads, how can we ever make contact with people who could be potential friends and supporters (and supportees)? Do I not understand how this works?

I've posted new threads in Relationships and Bipolar. Evidently I need to do it here, too? It seems like a lot of duplication.

Thank you for replying!

Sorry for butting in here -

starting a different thread happens when the person is straying or no longer on the topic of the first post in the thread in this case the first poster is asking for ideas on how to handle the situation of letting her environment and people in her life get the best of her. She is asking for coping skills - Ideas of what she can do when she gets triggered by here environment and the people in her life.

Jen1fer82 what helps me is paying attention to how I feel. At the first sign that I am uncomfortable around other people I excuse myself and find a restroom where I can just take a few minutes to relax myself. As for situations again I pay attention to how I feel. at the first sign that something doesn't feel right I stop that activity and find something relaxing to do. I know I can't control everything and everyone around me but grounding and taking a break helps me alot.

[wi_fighter]

It's a common courtesy that you not take over someone else's thread with a different problem. Most everyone checks out new threads that are in the forums that they frequent. You shouldn't worry about being lost in the crowd. In fact, if you post something in someone else's thread like you just did, the chances are greater that you will be overlooked.

Can you imagine if this place only had one thread in each of the forums? It would be a mess. One depression thread, one therapy thread, one relationship thread, etc. It would be thousands of pages long and everyone would be talking over everyone else. No one would get any help.

Good luck learning the ropes. You can always ask a question in the general forum or the technical forum if something's confusing you about how to navigate this place.

[LMo]

Welcome to PC!

Well, that's the protocol here. We each start our own thread. Posting your problem within someone else's thread has internet lingo associated with it: "hijacking". And actually, I think you increase your chance of having it be seen because some people read just the first post of a thread and either decide that it's not something they want to or can contribute to and stop reading, or else they continue with it.

No, you should not post the same thread in more than one forum. The moderators will delete one of them (sorry - but we have to keep it manageable). If you are looking for similar topics, there is an Advanced Search feature in the upper right corner of each screen.

The best way to make contact with people is to post your problems in your own threads, and to respond to other people's problems with your support and input (as you have already, very helpfully done to mine). THAT is how you make friends and supporters here. PC is a very supportive place and if you do those two things, I guarantee you will make friends easily. There is also the Chat room, and weekly there are scheduled Chats on Tuesday nights, 9pm EST. That's when you'll find the most people in Chat, so try to be there!

Good luck!
LMo

[LMo]

(I'm embarrassed - I hadn't even noticed that this question was still within the same thread as Jennifer's question. I will ask that this section get moved to its own thread. Sorry Jennifer)

[Rapunzel]

Mysterious,

First of all, I don't know if anyone has explained to you how to start new threads rather than replying to some else's thread. If they have, or if you figured it out, then please disregard this first paragraph, okay? When I was new here it took me a while to figure it out. From this page, where you are reading a thread, all you can do is reply to the current thread or go back to one of the menus, so that can be confusing. What you need to do if you want to start a thread, is first be on a forum page where it lists the threads in that forum (you'll get there if you scroll down and click the "jump" button, or click the link above to the name of the forum). There will be a row of buttons. Click the one that says "start new topic." That opens a new thread and you'll know what to do from there. Does that help? I think lots of people get confused about how to do this at first, so I hope you don't feel bad if you just didn't know what everyone was talking about when the said you needed to start a new thread.

Now regarding your question. You have been through a lot! It would be really challenging to lose your financial support and have to struggle to survive. I've never had great self-esteem myself, but I'm working on it. It doesn't come all at once, and you'll have to work for every step you gain. I guess that's necessary so that we can feel good about what we do accomplish, huh? I'm going to direct you to a couple of sites that might be helpful. Just remember, reading them isn't enough. You have to take a step towards doing what these sites tell you to do. Just one step at a time is plenty as long as you make it a habit and take another step, and another, when you are able to. It doesn't matter how fast you get there, as long as you are moving yourself forward towards your goal.

This first site is really about organization, at least on the surface, but it helps you to accomplish something, and it will build your self-esteem if you follow the instructions. http://flylady.net

This next site is specifically about self-esteem. It will help you to understand self-esteem and set goals for yourself to work towards it. http://www.selfesteem.org/

I hope this helps. Please come back and keep us updated on what you are trying, how it is working for you, and what else we can do to help.

Welcome to Psych Central.

Rap

[Ms_teer_y_us]

Thank you all. I'm still a little confused always have been :LOL: but it appears you did move my post to a new thread. I forgot my password as Ms_terious and the site didn't recognize my suer name, either, so I ahd to start a new account as Seaweed. I just tried to change that display name to Ms_teer_y_us, but don't know if it will be approved. I'm sorry I used mysterious at all - just couldn't think of anything else. I should have called myself "Hummingbird". But that's irrelevant.

I'm having a hard time finding where I posted, as when I re-registered, I lost all my "favorites." So I just found this one.

thank you for your input, all of you, and Rapunzel, I will check out the links.