What to make out of this existence..........?

I just scored 100% in LOW self Esteem.....Could it be from 1)The Childhood Sexual Abuse and Rape?
2) Being divided and blamed for the probs of my parents marriage?
3) trying to end my life, and FAILIng
4)Hate myself, the way i look, my body,
5) Found a guy to love me, when i was 15....and today married to him have 3 kids, 2.6yr daughter,1.4yr son and 3mnth old daughter....and find out yet again he is cheating on me....was i ever good enough for anything? or anyone? he not only promised me at the alter but after giving me STD(after repeatedly having non protected sex with prostitutes etc and coming home and 'loving' the clueless me) promised to stop...but it never has! why am i in this life...what is my value? how do I cope? i gave up everything to make our life ...to support him...now i have no friends, No Hope and he says He can now write a book on how many diff ways he can kill me and everything associated with me...So Who is messed up? Me or Am i a magnet for all the psychos out there????? Will i give my kids the same fate? or do I leave them to him to destroy............WHAT HAVE I DONE?????????[/quote]

I cannot believe you wrote this in August and got no replies. That must have hurt. What about a spouse abuse center in your area? Where I used to live they took in families who were abused by their spouses. I think they were able to stay three months. They provided counseling for the kids and the mom's and also support groups with other moms.They found them housing, went to court with them, got restraining orders, gave them an attorney,helped them with food and furniture for a new place. If the spouse is indeed in danger they can even move the family to some place safer.
I not only went to support groups there, but they helped me find an apartment, and furniture even though I was f.t. employed. When I got on my feet I went to work for them as the nite manager three nites a week as well as keeping my f.t. job. I was able to take my daughter with me to work as I worked all nite. They were wonderful people and helped so many people.
You might want to go on-line and see what is available. They are confidential, and will not reveal where you are to anyone. It is never disclosed where the shelter is so you won't be scared of any husband finding you. Its safe!

You cannot go on like this without more help

Hugs;
Dee

Get out of the marriage & into counseling asap! You DO deserve better, and so do your children.

I am so sorry that this man has been so reckless and sleazy. His behavior isn't due to his disappointment in you. Instead, he may be a sex addict or simply a sleazeball. Point is, don't blame yourself, okay?

Go into local government assistance and apply for immediate help for you and your children. You hub will be responsible for food, clothes, and care for his children. Please don't wait any longer, DeathWish, you DO deserve so much better!

~Gentle hugs to you~

That sounds awful! You must leave that douchebag immediatly! Dont be scared of being alone, you will find love again - but this guy sounds like nothing but trouble and is not right for you. Its better being alone than in an abusive relationship!

Self esteem is just self. . .esteem; no one else can cause it to be good or bad, high or low, besides ourselves. We have to think well of ourselves, have to work with ourselves and give to ourselves, understand ourselves, etc.

You cannot give up yourself and think well of yourself at the same time; you cannot support another if you do not support yourself first; will not want to support another who is not supporting themselves if you are supporting yourself well in the first place.

You have to work for you, not others, no matter how much you think they might give you or help you, etc. You have to come first in your life, you're the only one there; everyone else is just supporting players. You have to be the director or it can't work.