[hester91]

My kids were born and I fell in love with them instantly. I saw my husband and it was love at first sight. Why cant I figure out how to love myself as ive never really been aware of loving or being at peace with myself. Rough childhood, alcoholic father, abuse issues,... (not my father). It was a very hostive environment. I was so focused on just putting one foot in front of the other and not stepping on a land mine that it never occured to me that I should love and accept myself. Loving ones self was something that was never fostered in my household. Where do I start.??

[MudCrab]

Hello, hester91. Is therapy an option?

[hester91]

Hello Mudcrab,
Im in therapy and still cant seem to overcome the low self esteem and lack of regard for myself. That has got to be the hardest and most frustrating problems for me. How could I not have learned such basic qualities??? Sometimes I feel like I'm in the red with myself.
Sorry, I got kind of long winded there. Thank you

[Travelinglady]

Dear one, believe me, you are not the least bit "long-winded"! We have some folks who write messages the length of "War and Peace." Of course, I'm exaggerating. You write what you need to write and don't worry about the length. Okay?

When we grow up in an environment like yours, we learn from the folks around us that we are not of value. And since these folks are the first ones we learn from, we internalize their opinions. Even when we get older, it is hard for us to forget what we were first taught. You are very wise to be in therapy. Therapists are folks who are supportive and who give us love and caring. (Of course, they adjust their therapy style based on what they perceive their different patients need.) The feeling that we are worthy and the ability to love ourselves does not happen overnight. After all, often the feeling of being unloveable has been taught to us for years.

You are on the right track. We are also here to help. You'll find many people who have come from similar backgrounds and are struggling with this issue, too. And as you become more comfortable with yourself, you will realize that you have something to offer others as well. You will get friends who will affirm your value, too. And you can also seek people and groups in real life who are loving and supportive.

[hester91]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Dear one, believe me, you are not the least bit "long-winded"! We have some folks who write messages the length of "War and Peace." Of course, I'm exaggerating. You write what you need to write and don't worry about the length. Okay?

When we grow up in an environment like yours, we learn from the folks around us that we are not of value. And since these folks are the first ones we learn from, we internalize their opinions. Even when we get older, it is hard for us to forget what we were first taught. You are very wise to be in therapy. Therapists are folks who are supportive and who give us love and caring. (Of course, they adjust their therapy style based on what they perceive their different patients need.) The feeling that we are worthy and the ability to love ourselves does not happen overnight. After all, often the feeling of being unloveable has been taught to us for years.

You are on the right track. We are also here to help. You'll find many people who have come from similar backgrounds and are struggling with this issue, too. And as you become more comfortable with yourself, you will realize that you have something to offer others as well. You will get friends who will affirm your value, too. And you can also seek people and groups in real life who are loving and supportive.

Awww, "dear one" that touched me more than you can imagine There wasnt alot of that in my house. Yes, I agree that I am on the right track bt its so slow going that I wonder if Im capable.