saying "no" kills me!!!

i've always had problems saying no to people, even when i know what they are asking will be good for them but bad for me. even when i know they know it too and are just being selfish or predatory! saying no sends me on a major guilt trip. but lately i've been practising saying no to things i should say no to anyways ... yet ... the guilt of saying no is killing me. i'm a bundle of stress and not sleeping right, tossing and turning. why do i feel so bad for trying to protect myself from toxic folks or toxic requests?

no answers expected btw, just venting.

for all

I think that you may be afraid to defend yourself because you don't want to make someone feel bad. But you can't avoid that.

Sometimes you have to put yourself first because your needs are just as important as theirs. An important part of gaining self-esteem is realizing that. When self-esteem is low you are always worrying about what other people think or feel and you always ignore your own feelings. You even put yourself down so that others might feel good. But unless it is done jokingly and sparingly that isn't healthy and it's not fair to you either. Sure there are times when such an idea is useful but usually this is not the case.

You have to realize that you are important too. Sometimes your feeling will clash with others. But this is a normal part of life. We can't always agree with each other. What's important is that you make your needs known but in a non-confrontational manner. You have to say no sometimes and there's nothing wrong with that.

Have you been able to say no in a non confrontational manner yet?

I know getting overly upset is not always the answer, but you do have to consider your own feelings and be strong.

I have a smilar issue sometimes, but I don't feel like it's because I'm weak or needy. I'm just kind of "nice" and have been in a lot of other's shoes, so I'm understanding too.

If you've already been clear with a no. I hope it sinks in.

Please keep your own feelings in mind.

I used to have this same problem, i used to think saying no would make people not like me or see me as unreliable, but with lots of encouragement to test the waters from my T i soon realised the world still goes on whether i say yes or no. people who really need help find it elsewhere and understand, those that are just using you for convenience either get on without help or find another 'mug'.
ok it took a long time to feel ok about saying no and still today i don't like doing it to some people, but that is because i know they are true friends not one sided ones.
saying no is a great way of finding out who your true friends are... i had loads of 'friends' when i was well and did things for them but as soon as i became too ill to do anything they all disappeared back into the woodwork never to be heard from again!
one sided friends like that i now can do without as my true friends accept i help when i can and when i can't they help me.

hi she imp

yes i always say no gently at first but most folks know they can talk me round coz of my guilt factors. so there usually comes a point where i have to be harsh to be listened to, which makes me feel like an even worse person. thanx for your reply tho.

That's why it's important to do this.
Some people are very aware that there are others that don't put themselves first and they don't respect that...