[ingalot]

Over the past 12 months, I've been working really hard to stop cutting, to stop feeling that terrible yearning to disappear from this world, and to improve my self esteem.

I have not cut since January.

I'm better.... right?

But now that I don't have those extreme downs.......... I don't feel many emotions....... and I kinda wish I was still bad because I don't have anything to aim towards anymore..... and I still want to cut but I promised and I wouldn't dare break it cause I made it to the person i love and value the most.

Is it because I liked being like that? Am i seeking attention? I don't know what to think................ i feel kinda empty now.........

[MotownJohnny]

That's just it, you need to fill your life with new and positive things.

[Perna]

Yes, you can't just take things out of your life that don't work, you have to replace them with things that do.

[possum220]

Hi ingalot,

Some people may do it as in some form of competition with their peers but mostly it isn't. It is a means of trying to cope. Physically harming yourself is not a form of attention seeking. The theory behind it is that the emotion pain becomes so bad that physical pain is much preferable and changes the focus. So it brings us emotional relief. The harm inflicted also triggers the mind to release endorphins into our body that help us to feel better.

The mind releases those hormones when our body is wounded by any means self inflicted to not.

The longer you can go with out self harming is a good thing because it some how lets us humans know that we don't need to do it. Distract yourself by doing things that take the focus away from your mind. Do something physical, even cleaning or washing or going for a walk.

Having said all the above and the fact that your emotions seem to be shutting down it may be a good thing for you to see some form of therapist to talk about things.

Take Care