Tired of pretending

I feel like such a fake person. I pretend to be this woman who is strong and full of self-confidence, but the truth is I'm a weak insecure woman. I'm one of those people who look like they have it all together from the OUTSIDE, but behind closed doors I'm a mess. I've been in and out of therapy for years so I've pretty much figured out where my low self-esteem stems from, but I still haven't figured out a way to conquer it. I find my low self-esteem or lack of manifests itself most in the way of relationships, both romantic and friendships. Simply put I choose toxic and unhealthy people to be in my life. Part of me wonders if I do this as a way to boost my own self-esteem - like I'm the one who has it together vs. these "losers" I place in my life. But, most therapists have told me I choose these people b/c I don't think I deserve better and I can't deny that. And I'm also familiar with the saying that no one can love you until you love yourself. I just want to start to at least like myself. How do you start seeing the positive things in yourself when you feel so worthless?

When I am depressed, I have a hard time thinking of good things about myself. Otherwise, I can think of some positive experiences in my life and some things that I have succeeded in.

You might google "self-esteem books" to see what practical ones are out there that might give you some more pointers.

I suggest that you are that strong confident woman usually, and the one who feels like a fake and a mess, and negative is the part time persona. We all have an inner voice that tries to make us doubt, you just sound like you're believing that is the real you, when really you are the other!

I never accepted that you have to love yourself first...in fact... I think it's when you begin giving and helping others that you learn how to love, to accept love and appreciation from others, that you begin to love yourself. Volunteer for others. It will give you a certain type of reward that no one can take from you...and will build your self esteem as well.

Try not to seek out new friendships, but be nice to all and help who you can in a giving way (rather than to meet a need of your own.) True friendships will come along that way imo.

Work on the negative self talk. See the list of the 10 common cognitive distortions and what to do about them... (David Burns) I think it's still pinned in the psychotherapy forum? Counter the negative talk...even if you cannot yet give yourself positive affirmations.