[manwithnofriends]

Seriously, how can you expect this kind of thinking to be "correctable"? When pretty much EVERY event in life is success or failure. You either pass the exam or you don't. You either get the job or you don't. Success = good. Failure = not good enough/bad. Of course one can say "failure is not the opposite of success, it'll only lead to success". Yeah right. Tell THAT to someone who hasn't got a response to any of his THOUSAND job applications...

(that's not me btw, that's someone who was on a newspaper just for failing a thousand job applications. she has a job now just because of her newspaper's campaign. jealous)

[healingme4me]

Give CBT enough time to sink in and all/nothing thinking can be corrected. Not sure that the frustration with a thousand job applications and nothing to show for that, is the best example at pleading a case, that all/nothing thinking cannot be corrected.

1000 applications, resulted in success, however, with a job. Perhaps, it's not the need for a rescue approach that many of us, would have undertaken to obtain employment, but clearly this person thought outside the box long enough to put out a newspaper campaign?

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

Yeah right. Tell THAT to someone who hasn't got a response to any of his THOUSAND job applications...

(that's not me btw, that's someone who was on a newspaper just for failing a thousand job applications. she has a job now just because of her newspaper's campaign. jealous)

K...call me cynical (and I am, today as well as a few other scattered emotions) but there was a news bit on a local station about a woman with a similar story...'thousands' of job apps but no job. All I could think then, and now is...'REALLY??? Thousands? as in multiples of a hundred? And nobody wanted to hire you???' Seems me either a huge exaggeration--although she might well have felt she'd sent out 'thousands'--but just as likely, she turned DOWN at least one offered job as being unsatisfactory (wages, location, type etc.)

Sure she got a job because of the article/tv news spot. But does that make her a success? In using the media, you betcha redrider. A failure based on her lack of employment after THOUSANDS of apps? I think I'll save that opinion for 'the rest of the story'.

Where's Paul Harvey when you need him? (yeah yeah, I know)

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

Seriously, how can you expect this kind of thinking to be "correctable"? When pretty much EVERY event in life is success or failure. You either pass the exam or you don't. You either get the job or you don't. Success = good. Failure = not good enough/bad.

Black and white thinking doesn't seem logical to me at all. It's reductionism. It's looking at only one parameter, where there are many others. One question may be yes/no, but that's only if you extract it from context. Getting that job may increase stress so much it kills you. So was it a plus getting the job? Only if you have reduced it to a yes/no question. I can make a pro/con list about anything. I'm married to the love of my life, seems I am loved unconditionally - even so, it's not perfect. I can make a pro/con list, but the cons are outweighed heavily.

I recently had an epic flail/fail with a job. You can see that on the job forum. Overall, I evaluate it as an experiment and successful because it provided me information I could not have got otherwise. Despite the tremendous pain it caused and will still cause because I have one more stupid hoop to jump through to end it (a meeting). It's not the kind of success I want a whole bunch more of, but I don't see it as black and white.

Black and white thinking is a clue that I need to look more widely to get the full picture, in my view.

[manwithnofriends]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Give CBT enough time to sink in and all/nothing thinking can be corrected. Not sure that the frustration with a thousand job applications and nothing to show for that, is the best example at pleading a case, that all/nothing thinking cannot be corrected.

1000 applications, resulted in success, however, with a job. Perhaps, it's not the need for a rescue approach that many of us, would have undertaken to obtain employment, but clearly this person thought outside the box long enough to put out a newspaper campaign?

sorry, i didn't make myself clear enough, "she" was not related to the (London-based) newspaper at all, she just applied for 1000 jobs and didn't receive an offer. somehow her story ended up on said paper. and yes, my original post was a rant having seen my own job prospects... (going to graduate hopefully but still have NO skills)

[coleychi]

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

Seriously, how can you expect this kind of thinking to be "correctable"? When pretty much EVERY event in life is success or failure. You either pass the exam or you don't. You either get the job or you don't. Success = good. Failure = not good enough/bad. Of course one can say "failure is not the opposite of success, it'll only lead to success". Yeah right. Tell THAT to someone who hasn't got a response to any of his THOUSAND job applications...

(that's not me btw, that's someone who was on a newspaper just for failing a thousand job applications. she has a job now just because of her newspaper's campaign. jealous)

I can relate. All or nothing thinking is one of my most disruptive cognitive distortions. I'm a college student and I either get an A or I fail at life. I'm also very results-orientated (ie: if I'm going to eat healthy, I'd want to see results in my weight right away). Through therapy, I learned/am working on focusing on my progress and effort rather than the result... so if I get a B, I'm (trying to) accept that I tried my hardest given the circumstances and bask in that... I don't find it so realistic, but I'm giving it a chance because I really want my thinking patterns to change. I have so much anxiety and depression as a result of these cognitive distortions.