Don't like my reality

Byron Katie wrote about the main reason people are unhappy is that they don't like their reality and they try to hard to change it. I won't deny that there is some truth to that.

The thing is that people with my reality simply won't succeed in life. I'm too dumb and lazy, and I'm constantly saying and doing the wrong things and alienating other people. Those "be yourself" adages seem to favor people who are naturally smart and goodhearted and talented. Of course they can accept their reality when their reality is wonderful and promising. Mine isn't.

I think that my true self is someone who is destined to fail and inflict misery on everyone around her. I don't want to be that person. I want to change myself so I can be like one of the worthy people.

My reality has to change. I can't afford to just lie back and accept that I'm destined to live in squalor and misery. I don't want to accept that I don't deserve a good career or friends. I have to do something to save my life, and I don't know what to do. All I know is if I don't change, I will hate the consequences.

l think there is nothing wrong with wanting to change something that doesn't make us happy. We just need to channel those energies in the right direction. Sound like you are in a good place to start.

Ouch.

I don't know what Byron Katie was intending but I'm pretty sure she didn't mean that.

You say you are not worthy. You are worthy. You already are. If you were truly lazy and dumb you would not be writing on the forum or seeking help. You are not destined to be anything you don't want to be. Before you can accept your "reality" you need to understand it. Do you have in person support?

Winterglen,

Several people have mentioned her work so I was curious and I looked up Byron Katie. There are a lot of people that benefit from her work but for people that have more serious issues like PTSD or depression, etc it can put them in a worse place. She is not a licensed therapist and therefore isn't well equipped to work with those issues. It brings up a lot of shame which is what you a communicating here. If you can I would encourage you to talk one on one to a therapist.

Dear winterglen.
I have been living with severe PTSD & debilitating Depression for 25 years. My illness stemmed from ‘Torture trauma’ (details withheld at this stage). I too have been in and out of therapy, on umpteen different medications, ostracised by family, friends and colleagues, and shunned by society in the search for an answer, just an inkling of how to get myself ‘well’. 14 months ago I said ….ENOUGH!….I mean, really, what’s the point of living a ‘quarter life’. A life with constraints put in place by all those that said throughout those 25 years ‘To hell with you, you’re not one of us’. All those lost years of being afraid to live my life because I was told over and over that I didn’t fit in, that I was damaged and therefore not quite good enough.

I have been a draftsman for a lot of my adult life (albeit off and on). Whenever I would make a big error on hand drawn schematics it was always easier to start again rather than make amendments to a messy drawing……So I have now done the same thing with the old damaged, broken, messy me….Thrown her in the trash, and started again.

I changed my name, moved to a different State and chose to be different, chose to be the me I want to be. Not better, not worse, just different. It’s not easy, but nothing worthwhile is. It’s not the solution for everyone, and I totally get that. But I handed myself over to so called professionals and well meaning family members for a quarter of a century, and it didn’t do a damn bit of good. So this has to be better than the hell I was living. I don’t necessarily choose happy as that’s a concept I’m yet to become familiar with……..I choose life. Q.L