[Sunybear]

I have always taken the blame if there is any way it could have been me who "did it" or caused it, or made the mistake... even if it wasn't me at all.

I was told by my mother all my life how stupid I was, what a mistake I was, how I was clumsy and would never amount to anything.I was told by my father that if I didn't do what he wanted, I would be left to explain his death to my family because it would be my fault he killed himself.

I am 44 years old and I still find ways to take the blame when it isn't mine to take. I find ways to convince myself I am the one who messed up whatever may be messed up.Sometimes I even believe it must have been me somehow.

I don't want to be this way but I don't know how not to. It is driving my boyfriend crazy and I can't say I blame him for getting aggravated with me. He doesn't like to see me " beat myself up:" over something i didn't control. It sounds silly that I do this doesn't it?

Anyway.. sorry for not being such a Sunybear...

[seeker1950]

Suny...Hi, and welcome to PC...
I can totally identify with you!
It is good, though, that you recognize that you have this tendency, and also it sounds like you have a supportive boyfriend.
Patty

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Sunny -- Welcome to PC.



And brava for stepping out and stating what's on your mind.

I totally and completely relate to what you are saying. I grew up in an era when women were expected to be the peacemakers and keep the peace -- in a family, at work, everywhere. If that meant eating how I really felt, that was too bad.

It is still hard for me, and my social conditioning is such that I am pretty careful about where I draw the line in the sand. In another group, there was a post from a member who had an argument about what a decorative item in the home. Now, that's something I wouldn't fight about. The males I've been with usually didn't care, so if he had a request, I'm not drawing a line in the sand there. I'm going to save arguing for something that really matters to me.

I think it's good that you are bringing this emotional dynamic into consciousness. I think it will help you to make choices that you find more satisfying.

[Fuzzybear]

I relate.

(((((((((((((((( to a fellow bear )))))))))))))))